Have you been struggling in the dating world and asking yourself the following question: Why can’t I get a girlfriend? If so, stick around because, in this post, I’ve compiled a list of every single reason why you can’t get a girlfriend.
You can’t get a girlfriend because you don’t understand the fine art of attraction. Often, it’s small but significant actions that create a poor perception of you as a man in the eyes of most women.
It’s not because you’re ugly. Nor is it because women are trash. Get rid of that weak narrative.
The real reason you can’t get a girlfriend is because of your habits, routines, actions, or words that turn off women.
My intention isn’t to offend or attack you. I want to help. And the only way I can do that is by being brutally honest with you.
Some people may leave this article at this point. That’s okay. They’re probably going to keep failing. But if you manage to stick around and tough it out, I promise you, it will change your life.
So, with that being said, here’s a complete compilation and breakdown of every reason why you can’t get a girlfriend and what to do about it.
Why Can’t I Get A Girlfriend?
1. You’re too afraid to approach women
You can’t drive a vehicle without turning the ignition on. You can want it or think about it as much as you like, but until you take action, you’ll never get anywhere.
Women know and expect men to approach them. If they find you attractive, that’s literally what they’re hoping for.
So if you know this, why are you so afraid?
If you’re afraid of rejection, don’t be. That’s a part of life. Everyone gets rejected. Every single guy.
You’re not alone.
But at the other end of rejection is acceptance. If you can challenge yourself to face rejection indefinitely, you’ll find yourself actually succeeding in approaching some girls.
Not all. Some. The ones who are genuinely interested in or attracted to you. And those are the girls you want to spend your time with.
2. You’re boring
Physical attraction is only a single cog in the machine. The attraction that leads to love and commitment is often attributed to who you are as a person and how a woman feels around you.
Women value physical attraction, but only as an opener.
The ones who truly grab their attention and desire are the men who can engage them emotionally, intellectually, socially, and physically.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. Forget about what you’ve seen in chick flick movies.
You don’t need to take a woman out to dinner every single night to win her affection. That’s boring.
Try new things, be outgoing, let loose, crack jokes, and be a positive person.
Check out this article on how to stop being boring.
3. You don’t know how to flirt
There’s a fine art to flirting that takes constant practice to perfect. More than anything, it isn’t just about what you say; it’s about how you say it and when you say it.
I often advise men not to adopt a style of flirting that doesn’t come naturally.
You’re much better off being authentic than pretentious.
Even if being authentic means not flirting as much as Ryan Gosling does in Crazy Stupid Love!
That often leads to an easy-going form of flirting that isn’t as difficult as trying to come off as suave.
4. You say the wrong things
More often than not, men talk to women out of liking them. It’s true. Even I’m guilty of this.
We can say stupid things or go overboard when we are trying to impress someone.
Some guys take the opposite approach and try negging. This blows up in their faces when women get highly offended and turned off.
If you don’t know what to say, say nothing. Here’s a quote to remember: Loose lips sink ships.
5. You come on too strong
Imagine taking part in a competition where you don’t have to do anything. In fact, just for existing, they throw the prize at you with ferocity.
It defeats the whole purpose of calling it a prize. You didn’t have to earn it or put any effort into it at all.
You’ll be briefly happy to get the price, but you’ll move on from it very quickly.
What makes winning a competition and getting the prize worth it is all the effort you put into it.
Imagine throwing yourself at a girl nonstop. Is that really the best way to create the impression that you are a prize? That you’re a catch? It’s not going to be appealing to her because it comes too easy.
Take the courting phase slowly. Don’t rush things. Give her a chance to unwrap you like a gift over time.
6. You lack confidence
The single most attractive and decisive feature of a man is his level of confidence.
It doesn’t matter whether he’s incredibly flawed or not. If he exudes confidence and complete ownership of his strengths and weaknesses, he comes across as strong and sexy to women.
I challenge you to ask women to describe men they find attractive, and I guarantee confidence will be a factor in every answer.
Confidence comes from accepting who you are.
Be willing to wear your own skin with pride. It takes time, but with confidence-building habits like exercise, dressing smartly, approaching women, and self-development, you can become far more confident.
But first, change the narrative in your head. Start by getting rid of those self-limiting beliefs.
7. You place women on a pedestal
For as long as you continue to place women on a pedestal, they’ll always stay out of reach.
No matter how beautiful or successful she is, she’s still human, and she is 100% flawed.
She wakes up with morning breath as the rest of us and her farts stink too. I hate to sound crude, and it gave me a chuckle to type that, but it’s true.
When you start treating women, especially the ones you find attractive, like everyone else, that’s when you’ll have a better chance of making a move on her.
You can’t be so afraid of someone who is just like everyone else, right?
So the first step to getting rid of all that intimidation is to bring these beautiful women back down to earth in your head.
8. You’re a nice guy
Nice guys finish last. I used to be a super nice guy, but I was also getting rejected like crazy.
My thought process was that if I could show her how sweet, nice, and compromising I can be compared to the ‘jerks’ she dates, she’d obviously like me.
But that’s not how attraction works.
Nice guys take it too far. We start to bend over backward for someone who isn’t even in a relationship with us.
We sacrifice all of our beliefs and desires to make this person happy, even at the cost of our own sanity.
These may seem sweet to you, but they actually convey a message of weakness and low self-esteem to women.
Women want partners, not fangirls.
9. You’re hot-headed
Being easily temperamental is usually a surefire way to be rude, obnoxious, and stressful when you shouldn’t be.
I’ve had friends who ruined their chances with a girl because they lost their cool over something silly.
Then they try to justify it with excuses.
The fact of the matter is that if you can’t take a joke or can’t handle a bit of pressure without losing your cool, you’re disqualified.
Women these days don’t put up with toxic behavior or toxic relationships. They will bounce faster than a tennis ball.
10. You’re impatient
Attraction and love cannot be rushed. No matter how much you want someone, it doesn’t mean they can and should move as fast as you do.
The dating game is one of patient pursuit.
Two contrasting ideas that come together in peaceful harmony.
Much like in tennis, you have to wait for the other side to hit the ball back to you.
Without the ball on your side of the court, you’re just swinging in the air. It’s pointless and defeating.
If you’ve reached out or made a move, wait for her to react before trying again. Because if you do, it will eventually come across as desperate.
11. You don’t know how to be mysterious
The reason mystery is such a popular genre in fiction is because humans are curious creatures. We want to unravel a mystery. And before we do, our time is spent fantasizing and thinking about possibilities.
This is a form of investment.
By being mysterious, you force a woman who is interested in you to think about who you really are.
She’ll reach out more and make a stronger effort to find out more about you.
Read this article on how to be more mysterious.
12. You appear desperate
Desperation is off-putting.
It projects an image of someone who can’t get what they’re looking for. And if you can’t get what you want, it’s probably because there’s something wrong with you.
What’s unfortunate is that there probably isn’t even something wrong with you at all.
You’re probably a great guy who would make a great boyfriend.
But when you act desperate, that’s what most women end up thinking.
Guys who are desperate don’t know when to take a hint.
They chase incessantly. They text non-stop, even if the woman isn’t in the mood or is busy. They plead and beg after rejection. And they laid it on thick, hoping to win her over.
These are all the actions of a desperate guy. If you’re guilty of doing these things, it might be time for some self-evaluation.
13. You text too much
Don’t you have a job? Or hobbies? Or friends and family? Or goals? That’s what goes through a woman’s mind when a man can sit on his phone all day texting her, and he isn’t even her boyfriend.
It’s not attractive. It’s not sexy. It’s not cute. If anything, you’ll get dumped into the friend zone faster than you can text ‘LOL’.
Save the texting for later in the relationship. For now, use it to set dates. If you are having a text conversation, don’t let it go on for too long.
At a certain point, get back to living your life.
14. You fail her tests
Women will test you; without a doubt, they will. The more in tune you are with dating, the less you will be tested.
But a nice guy who keeps messing up will be tested in small but significant ways.
The sad thing is that most of them don’t even realize it.
A few years ago, my best friend was having a conversation with my girlfriend at the time, and he recalls her saying to him that she tested me an insane amount of times from the moment we started talking to the time we started dating.
She was so impressed that I handled most, if not all, of her tests so well.
That’s when she felt completely comfortable opening up to me and was hooked.
Look, sometimes she will throw a curveball your way, and you have to knock it out of the park.
Most often, when she suddenly hits you with an argument out of thin air or suddenly gets too busy to call, maintain your composure.
Don’t lose your cool. Don’t chase after her. Just remain indifferent and calm.
15. You chase and pursue too much
Guys who chase and pursue too much are usually guilty of texting all the time, calling, not waiting for her to reach out, and constantly trying to convince her to like him or win her approval.
If that’s you, stop it. You’re ruining your chances of getting her.
Like I said above, you have to be patient. Don’t be throwing her up nonstop and painting her out to be some goddess.
Treat her like a person. If you can be patient, she’ll be the one initiating contact with you. Then you don’t have to chase after her like a lost puppy! She’ll want you without having to chase her.
16. You’re choosing the wrong type of women
Can you honestly say that every single guy you know is a great one? No, you can’t! There are all sorts of guys. Some are actually toxic to the core. You wouldn’t be friends with someone like that, would you?
So the same could be said for women. There are some incredibly toxic women. And a lot of them are beautiful.
Look beyond her beauty and ask yourself if she is the type of woman you want to be with.
Make a list of qualities you want in a girlfriend.
Read it as often as you can until it sticks with you like glue.
17. You have commitment issues
Perhaps your problem has nothing to do with getting a girlfriend. Perhaps it has to do with keeping a girlfriend.
After some major self-evaluation over the course of two years, I came to the conclusion that I had commitment issues.
I was afraid of being cheated on and I felt like my happiness came from the thrill of the chase.
This was the narrative I told myself on a daily basis. But, in my heart, I genuinely wanted to be committed to someone.
The path to recovery was far from easy, but I managed to overcome my fears. There’s still work to be done, but I’m in the happiest relationship of my life.
I could only get here by first coming face-to-face with the problem. And that was me.
18. You have trust issues
At the very core of any relationship is trust. Without trust, you have nothing.
Trust is sacred. It is the belief that your partner will cherish and value the shared bond. It is her belief that she will prioritize you and stand by you.
But the funny thing about trust is that it is earned through action and blind faith.
When you make the choice to trust someone, half the battle is won. Based on their actions, it will either confirm your belief in her or shatter it. Either way, you can’t avoid the phase of blind faith.
Unless you’re willing to take a chance and place your trust in someone, you’ll forever be questioning whether someone is worthy of your trust or not.
Then, no matter what they do, you’ll never really appreciate it without a level of suspicion because you failed to take a chance on them.
19. You don’t make an effort to look good
Look, I won’t beat around the bush; you have to at least try to look good to get a girlfriend.
That doesn’t mean you have to look like Henry Cavil.
Physical attraction is definitely a factor during the initial phase of interest. Of course, it’s the interaction, chemistry, and compatibility that dictate whether someone falls for you or not.
But, you shouldn’t neglect your physical appearance.
Make an effort to look good. Start by combing your hair, smelling good, and dressing neatly.
20. You’re too afraid of rejection and breakups
Every relationship has the possibility of failure. It is an unfortunate fact of life.
You may fall completely in love with someone, but the possibility of them not feeling the same or falling out of love with you is a reality.
But is that reason for us to not go after something that could make us ridiculously happy?
If we were to live our lives afraid of what could go wrong or the probability of failure, we wouldn’t be here right now. Humans would be extinct.
It’s okay if you face rejection or a breakup. We all do. Take solace in that. Most importantly, it won’t kill you. You’re stronger than you think.
You have to take a risk to get a reward.
21. You’re too picky
When you’re making that list of qualities you want in a girlfriend, dial it down to a handful of important but realistic qualities.
Some guys get so caught up in this idea of the perfect woman that they never end up finding her.
Because she’s a figment of your imagination.
The ‘perfect’ woman for you is one whose flaws do not detract from her strengths. The kind of woman who makes you feel understood and appreciated.
If you feel like no woman is good enough, then I’m sorry to say it’s because of your expectations.
22. You’re not ambitious or disciplined
Ambition and discipline are considered strong characteristics. They require hard work and a focused mind.
When a woman looks at a man who, whether he’s rich or poor, is chasing after a dream and has the discipline to sacrifice other things for his purpose, her attraction for him skyrockets.
It’s because she feels like he is, for lack of a better term, a hunter.
That makes him appear strong, which makes her feel safe to trust in him.
Ambition and discipline show potential.
So, even if you aren’t where you’d like to be, these two traits elicit belief in a partner that you will get there someday.
23. You wait too long to make a move
Don’t be a cold fish. Romance is exciting, so act like it. If you wait too long, you’ll be left behind.
For all you know, the woman you like could possibly feel the same way about you.
And she’s most likely waiting for you to make the first move. But because you’re playing it so safe and holding your cards too close to your chest, she’s not left with much to work with.
Just keep this in mind: if she’s a great girl and you genuinely like her, that means other men are going to see what you do as well.
Don’t be one of those guys who loses out only because you were too slow.
24. You don’t stand up for yourself
Whether it’s to stand up against other people or to the girl you like, if you take unfair treatment without standing up for yourself, you will be pegged as a walkover.
Because there are no repercussions for treating you poorly, people will take advantage of you.
It’s not about fighting. It’s about standing up for what’s right.
When you can stand up for yourself, even to the girl you like, not only will she view you as strong (down the line), but she will respect you for it too.
Gain her respect, and you’ll be in a fantastic position.
25. You’re predictable
Women usually analyze a guy based on a number of different metrics, and one of them is the potential for marriage.
She will think about whether you are the kind of man who can keep her safe, happy, and loved for many years.
Predictability plays a factor in this decision.
If she feels like it’s easy to read your every move at this early juncture, the fear of being bored in the future will concern her.
A simple fix is to not get wrapped up in a routine.
Shake things up a bit. Don’t text at the same time every single day. Take her to new places. Get busy living your life without constant updates from her.
For a list of fun date ideas, check out this article.
26. You’re too needy and clingy
No matter how much a woman loves to spend time with her partner, she will still value her independence.
All of us appreciate some level of freedom to be ourselves.
A relationship that provides enough space and freedom for both individuals to remain individuals is a blessing.
Needy and clingy men come across as weak and controlling.
Women are attracted to masculinity. Society and culture have created a narrative that masculinity does not provide for much neediness and clinginess.
That doesn’t mean you can’t be needy or clingy at all.
Just keep it under control.
27. You’re too easy
When you gift yourself on a silver platter to someone who hasn’t earned it, you’ve devalued your worth.
Be a bit of a challenge.
Don’t just dish out your heart to someone who hasn’t had the opportunity to earn it.
If you view yourself as a strong, valuable, worthy, and awesome man, act like it.
Let her meet you halfway and make an effort. Don’t pay for every single date, or at least split the bill.
You don’t have to be stuck or egotistical. Just have standards.
28. You declare your feelings too fast
Patience is genuinely the name of the game. Here’s what I’ve learned from personal experience and coaching others.
If you have to ask yourself whether you’re coming on too strong or too fast, you usually are.
Attraction needs time to bake. If you keep opening the oven door, it’s going to ruin the cake.
Wait until you see the surefire signs of a woman who has feelings for you.
29. You handle rejection poorly
Rejection doesn’t deplete you of any power. It narrows down your options and takes you a step closer to finding the right one.
Also, not all initial rejections are hopeless.
If you handle it appropriately, you leave the door open for the possibility of future success.
And yet some men will lash out, get defensive, and ostracize the very same women they were trying to get.
All that does is confirm her decision to reject you. She’ll be feeling relieved to have dodged a bullet.
My own friends have ruined their dating lives due to this mistake and a lack of self-awareness.
Nobody owes you a relationship. So, if you get rejected, take it on the chin, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward.
30. You’re not trying hard enough
Anything good in life requires hard work. You will face failure and rejection. Confusion and misunderstanding will be common occurrences.
But you must persevere.
Persistence is what eventually leads to success.
And that doesn’t mean you have to be chasing after girls all the time. On the contrary, persistence can simply mean maintaining faith.
Out of every 10 girls you approach, you may get 2 to 3 who are interested. That is a rejection rate of up to 70%.
But you must go through that rejection to get to the 30% who are meant for you!
Even if you’ve failed up until now, as long as you are willing to make the improvements necessary, you will attract and get a girlfriend.
I hope you found this article to be of some value to you.
Hang in there; everything will work out.