Falling out of love sounds scary. In fact, the question of how long does it take to fall out of love is a loaded one but I have some interesting advice for you on the topic.
It takes about 3 – 6 months to fall out of love. Obviously, it varies from individual to individual but the gradual loss of love has some telltale signs such as a lack of communication, less intimacy, irritability and a general loss of attraction for each other.
I hate the thought of a beautiful relationship falling apart but it’s a reality of life.
As much as we would like to avoid breakups, people do fall out of love and a good relationship can take a bad turn.
At least if you’re aware of the signs, you can take action to salvage the relationship or prepare yourself for the worst outcome.
Trust me, in this particular case, ignorance is not bliss.
As a rule of thumb, I often advise people to ask their partner to rate how good of a partner they’ve been in the last week or two weeks.
Also, I encourage an open dialogue of how they can improve certain areas of the relationship without being confrontational or judgemental.
What you did to fall in love with someone is what you should continue to do within the relationship.
And yet, you would be surprised how many guys and girls let off the gas and fall into a state of complacency in the relationship. They take their partner for granted and this often results in a loss of love and attraction.
With that being said, let’s take a look at the signs and reasons for falling out of love.
1. The courtship ends
During the courting and dating phase, people tend to be more romantic, understanding and invested in making a good impression.
This is usually coupled with a strong desire to communicate, listen and spend as much time with each other as possible.
You make more of an effort to show each other how interested you are. And yet, once you enter a relationship, people start to assume that it’s okay to stop doing these things.
It’s not okay.
If you have to work out for 3 months to lose weight. Does that mean you can now stop working out altogether and expect to remain the same size?
No! Of course not! And yet people do that and balloon right back to where they were before.
In other words, a lack of action undoes all of your actions.
2. You start bickering and arguing all the time
Nothing kills attraction as much as arguments and fights. Yes, at first it can have a positive effect to fight and makeup but as time goes on, that becomes a source of exhaustion and unnecessary hurt.
Attraction and fond feelings grow with good times. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be firing on all cylinders 24/7.
If you’re having a good time with your partner, supporting him or her during a tough time and being an overall good influence, it will have a positive effect on the relationship.
However, if what you are doing is contributing to the stress and unhappiness in his or her life on a consistent basis, eventually, they will fall out of love with you.
3. The intimacy starts to lessen
As much as a relationship can’t be carried on the back of intimacy, it does play a crucial part in any healthy long term relationship.
Intimacy, in all its forms, brings people together. It creates feelings of attachment, attraction and excitement.
There’s also the physiological benefit of intimacy as it boosts the amount of feel-good hormones released in the body.
If you’re not even cuddling with each other, that’s a huge warning sign for a loss of interest, attraction or love.
4. You don’t talk to each other as much anymore
Without good communication, a relationship will crumble. I’ve seen this happen one too many times.
Intimacy and physical attraction are not enough to maintain love and a serious relationship.
Sooner or later, you or your partner will need someone to talk to and someone who wants to listen.
If you can’t be that person for him or her, it will isolate the two of you from each other.
Many people work through their problems not just by seeking advice from others but from talking about it to someone who genuinely cares and wants to listen.
If the two of you can’t be that person for each other, should it come as a surprise to you that one or both of you have fallen out of love?
Ask questions, share opinions, open about feelings and talk to your partner.
5. You neglect each other’s needs
We all enter a relationship to give, right? But in giving, we also get something from the relationship.
Our need for affection, companionship and a confidante are all satisfied within a healthy relationship.
But when one or both partners in a relationship can’t take the time to fulfill the needs of the other, cracks begin to form in the foundation of the relationship.
Furthermore, if you lack communication, this will exacerbate the symptoms of a relationship on shaky ground.
How Fast Does Someone Fall Out Of Love?
Honestly, it varies.
Some people will say that it’s almost instantaneous, especially after a monumental event that breaks all of their trust.
However, that’s just the breaking point. You can’t undo months or years of love overnight.
It takes time, anywhere from 3 to 6 months on average. But in reality, that number can extend up to a year as well.
Breaking someone’s heart is much different. That can happen almost overnight and it starts the avalanche of falling out of love.
If you can identify the signs for falling out of love quickly, there’s hope for saving the relationship and reigniting the passion.
But if you wait too long and let the bond-slip through your fingers, the chances of rekindling the love will be twice as hard.
How Not To Fall Out Of Love
Do what you did during the courting phase of the relationship. What this entails is making an effort to connect with your partner.
- Go out on dates regularly
- Keep it exciting by breaking out of a routine
- Spend quality time pampering each other
- Have conversations outside of mundane small talk
- Don’t try to get the upper hand in an argument
- Aim to resolve a misunderstanding with love, not anger
- Have goals as a couple
- Continue improving yourself as an individual
Obviously there’s no guarantee that you can completely save a relationship after someone or both of you start to fall out of love. But, with effort and time, the possibility still exists to rekindle the romance and fall in love once again.
Personally, I think over the course of a relationship, we fall in and out of love with our partners in varying degrees.
And that’s okay because it’s like a wave that has dips and then great highs.
During that time, you always continue to love your partner.
But if something happened to destroy the trust and love in the relationship, it’s hard to say whether or not the relationship can survive it even after doing all of the abovementioned things.
What To Do After Falling Out Of Love
As much as I advocate making an extra effort to try and save the relationship, I think it is pivotal to be honest with your partner if you’ve fallen out of love.
Granted, it’s going to be a difficult conversation to have.
But at least your partner will feel respected given that you are willing to muster up the courage, to be honest about your feelings.
This is the healthiest option for both of you.
At the end, rather than cheating or betraying each other, you can choose to part ways with mutual respect and care for each other.
Try to look at it from the perspective that you’ve both shared a beautiful relationship that has now reached its natural conclusion.
You can both leave with respect and go on to meet the people that are actually destined for both of you.
It’s hard to accept but it may be time to let go of the relationship.
Everything will be okay
Don’t lose hope. As difficult as this may be, you will come out of this okay. No matter what, hold on to hope that everything will work out the way it’s meant to.
And if things get too hectic, you can turn to the people in your life for support.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to me for some help because I will be here for anyone going through a tough time.
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