I used to think that being cheated on was one of the worse things that could happen to me. And it happened. One time is more than enough to trigger the fear of being cheated on.
Since then, I found myself carrying that baggage with me into every new relationship.
Perhaps you can relate to this but from the get-go, I would feel afraid of my new partner cheating on me. I’d read into things more than I should. I’d search for any kind of warning sign that my partner was being unfaithful.
This would either put a spanner in the works or cause serious unnecessary problems in my relationships.
I’m not ashamed to admit it. I fell into this dark pit of fear and it consumed me.
Rather than enjoy my relationships, I was perpetually in a state of concern and worry.
I spoke about it and that helped but it would place a bigger struggle on my partner than needed.
It’s also quite unattractive.
But I got over it. And it wasn’t any single article or moment that fixed it for me. To an extent, dating better quality people helped me overcome my fear of being cheated on but it was an internal evolution that made the biggest difference.
Here are a few key points to consider when trying to overcome your fear.
Being Cheated On Is A Reflection Of Your Partner, Not You
What I failed to do after being cheated on was reflect, accept and overcome.
I played the victim, rightfully so, but to my own detriment.
I allowed my self-confidence to be annihilated and I gave more power to my cheating lovers rather than hold onto some of that for myself.
Instead of acknowledging that the person I gave myself to was a POS or of a low character, I decided to blame myself.
My search for an answer would obviously lead to my insecurities flaring up.
When someone cheats on you, that’s not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of them.
Take them off that pedestal immediately and see them for the flawed person they are.
Accept the situation for what it is and don’t bang your head against the wall trying to understand why.
Walk away with your dignity and rebuild.
You Shouldn’t Have To Stop Someone From Cheating
No healthy relationship is built on the foundation of forced limitation.
If you have to force or manipulate your partner into being faithful, you’re fighting a losing battle and you will constantly fear being cheated on.
That’s just a fact.
As I’ve gotten older, my perception of relationships and partners have changed.
I don’t need to stop my partner from cheating. In fact, I’m completely indifferent to it.
My mindset is this – if a relationship is built on trust, then I’ll take no active step in keeping you from cheating. In fact, I’ll give my partner all the freedom in the world to cheat and expect them not to.
If my partner cheats, then I know for a fact that they don’t deserve me at all and that’s an immediate disqualification. And if she doesn’t cheat, then that not only improves the trust and bond between us but my respect grows beyond bounds.
Honestly, you’re cheating yourself from a beautiful trusting relationship by investing your time into the fear of being cheated on.
The right people aren’t going to cheat on you.
They don’t need you to be preventing them from cheating because they have no interest in that. They need you to show up in the relationship as best as you can. Period.
Give Someone A Chance
The greatest way to overcome fear is to face it head-on.
In my experience, rather than running from the possibility of getting cheated on, I embraced the possibility and pushed forward with that in mind.
Taking a chance on someone good and putting your trust in them is pure. It gives someone the opportunity to do right by you.
And I’ve had some of the best relationships in my life with this approach.
I know that pain is unavoidable but it will not rule me.
If I have to face the pain of being cheated on again, then so be it. But, I’m not going down without a fight.
To have something amazing, you have to be willing to do the hard stuff!
You’ll Always Bounce Back
No truer words have ever been spoken. Think about the times you questioned whether you could survive something traumatic but did.
Those battles prove how resilient you are as a person.
Even if someone cheats on you, not only is it their loss but it’s something that you will absolutely overcome and grow from.
You’re not defined by the actions of anyone else, not even the people you love the most.
So instead of worrying about how dreadful it will be if you are cheated on, embrace the reality that you will 100% bounce back from it and go on to fall for someone else in the future again.
It all comes down to unplugging from that emotionally charged feeling of fear and reminding yourself that life doesn’t work the way your fear paints reality.
This is why I highly recommend you read my article on why being single is good for you and how to be single and happy. They will help you work through these issues so that you enter your next relationship with the best possible attitude and mindset ever.
Let Go Of Your Regrets
I don’t need to tell you that we can’t change the past because you already know that.
All that regrets we have just piles onto our hearts preventing us from loving freely, completely and happily.
Forgiveness and acceptance are so freaking difficult when you’ve been wronged but it is imperative.
Why should we suffer for years while the people who cheated on us move on and enjoy their lives?
Every time you act on your fear of being cheated on, you give a part of your self and power to that person and their actions.
They don’t deserve it!
Go back and face your demons. Get rid of the regret and pain you still carry in your heart.
Find a way to feel it and heal it.
Start by simply letting go of your regret by letting go of the past. Focus on the present moment as best as you can.
I recommend reading The Power Of Now to truly unlock the wonderful benefits of being present in the present moment.
You Will Meet Loyal People
Despite what you may think, the world is full of loyal and trustworthy people who are wishing to be in a loving and long term relationship.
I strongly believe in the law of attraction.
Do your best to let the universe know exactly what you want through your words and actions.
Start with that and you’ll slowly find yourself surrounded by people who are of a higher quality than you’d ever expect.
Life is a journey.
There will be ups and downs. You’ve been through a down, now it’s time for an up.
Hang in there and have faith.
Work Through Your Insecurities
For as long as you can’t bring yourself to face the demons of your past, you will continue to face the fear of being cheated on.
I’ve been through this myself.
The past cannot be changed. No matter how much we wish to rewrite the battles of the past, we can’t. What we can and must do is learn and grow stronger from it.
Ever since I came to this realization, I go back to moments of defeat and pain to face them head-on.
That’s my way of showing those incidents and people from the past that you won’t defeat me.
I’m okay with feeling pain now because nothing good comes from fleeing the scene of suffering.
We must suffer to grow.
That’s the secret sauce most people will avoid embracing because they’re scared of pain. Don’t be one of those people.
When you choose to take ownership of suffering, that’s when it loses the control it has over you.
And if it can’t control you anymore, then you have complete control over it.
If you can reach this point, I promise you, the fear of being cheated on will never impact your life or relationships ever again.
Talk About It
It’s okay to admit that you’re afraid, especially to someone you care about and want to be with.
Fear has this tendency of tricking us into believing that it is weak to express ourselves. It does this to prevent us from breaking down a wall that could help us overcome it.
Fear is the same kind of emotion that whispers negativity and thoughts of failure in your mind. It wants you to remain safely wrapped within a bubble.
That safe bubble has one result, a slow, lonely and painful death.
And what’s sad is that everyone has to die at some point or another.
The only difference is that some people live a life full of adventure whereas the other confines him or herself in a 4 x 4 cell of safety.
One dies with little to no regret whereas the other dies with a bed of regret.
The fear of being cheated on wants you to stay safely isolated but you and I know that we can’t live a wholesome life in that manner.
Everyone needs someone. Even if it’s for a short amount of time.
Open up to the person you care about. Let them support you during this rough patch.
To overcome the fear of being cheated on is an internal battle but it can be done with external support.
Just imagine how safe you will feel if you manage to overcome this fear with significant other by your side! Just think about that!
Defy Your Fear Of Being Cheated On
Fear is based on what could happen in the future. It is also the concern of what you may do IF something specific happens.
Understandably, we all have fears. It can’t be avoided.
Yours just happens to be the fear of being cheated on.
But what if you could focus your mind on living in the moment, could you be happy?
What if you made the conscious decision to enjoy a relationship right now in spite of your fear for what could happen, wouldn’t that be a way of overcoming that fear?
I think there’s more to be gained from being able to control yourself in spite of fears rather than hoping to live without them.
Think about how strong-willed you can become by simply defying your fears.
Imagine being the kind of person who isn’t ruled or controlled by his or her fearful feelings! You could accomplish great things and live a wholesome life without regret.
That’s what you have to gain by living life right now despite and in spite of your fears.