When you’re smitten, it’s not uncommon for toxic relationship signs to fly over your head. It’s like wearing rose-tinted glasses while walking in a concrete jungle.
Everything looks better than it really is.
I believe that by nature, we look for the best in our loved ones. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt as much as possible.
That’s a good thing but only for a while. There comes a time when giving someone the benefit of the doubt enables them to take advantage of you while disrespecting the relationship you’ve worked so hard to build.
Most relationships in life are built on a give and get basis. There is an unspoken agreement that both parties will mutually invest in each other.
If you’ve been in a relationship that started off wonderfully but has fallen into a pit of disrespect, pain, abuse, dissatisfaction, jealousy and distrust, then you may want to really rethink your romantic decisions.
But, with that being said, being able to identify the problem to your toxic relationship is vital in order to fix it or get the hell away from it.
What I highly suggest is that you familiarize yourself with this list of toxic relationship signs because they could save you from a lot of heartbreak and wasted effort.
- Your partner is over-controlling and possessive
- You are disrespected
- Your partner cheats
- Your partner is physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive
- Lies and more lies
- Passive-aggressive and not communicative
- Takes advantage of your kind nature without appreciation
- Prioritizes everyone else other than you
- You’re punished for your past and differences
- You’re constantly compared to old lovers
What’s surprising is that some of these toxic signs tend to come across as almost endearing during the early stages of a relationship.
You may find your partners controlling nature to be a sign of power or a leader but in actuality, it could actually be a sign of jealousy, insecurity and overwhelming dominance that eventually leads to total control of you as a person.
A true relationship brings about a state of freedom. It provides a safe haven for you to completely explore your true identity without judgment and prejudice.
Within a healthy relationship, you can grow as an individual as well as a couple.
As much as you may want that with your current partner, it may not be the road you’re headed towards if these toxic relationship signs aren’t addressed.
Let’s discuss all the toxic relationship signs in more detail.
1. Your partner is over-controlling and possessive
There’s nothing more stifling than a partner who doesn’t know how to respect boundaries.
It starts off with some possessiveness over you going out with your friends, then it becomes about your career choice, family, routine and more.
A healthy relationship allows you to breathe and grow with your partner, not be caged and held back from prospering in areas outside of the relationship itself.
2. You are disrespected
Being spoken to rudely, stood up, taken for granted and sidelined without any excuse or reasoning or consideration for your feelings are all signs of disrespect.
Granted, nobody is perfect and sometimes our actions can be unintentionally disrespectful to our partner.
But, if you find yourself treated this way without any apology or intent to change, it could easily lead to a state of constant disrespect.
Remember one thing, attraction and respect go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other.
3. Your partner cheats
Cheating is one of the worst things you could do or have done to you within a relationship.
This form of betrayal is shockingly disrespectful and a glaring and obvious sign of disloyalty.
If your partner has or is cheating on you, then it’s time to end things immediately.
You’d be surprised how many people cave and give their partners multiple chances to be loyal. But, it’s degrading to you as an individual.
It’s better to leave with your dignity and find someone who has strong morals or at least the courtesy to show you some respect.
4. Your partner is physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive
Abuse and love are like oil and water. They will never mix and are not designed to co-exist.
If you often find yourself being spoken down too by your partner or degraded, manipulated emotionally to sacrifice all of your happiness for him or her, or if you are being physically abused, you have to leave that relationship no matter what.
You deserve to have a loving, caring and beautiful relationship.
Allowing yourself to stay in an abusive relationship will kill you from the inside out.
5. Lies and more lies
Without trust, a relationship is devoid of its soul.
I understand that white lies exist and are by nature unharmful. But, when you find your partner constantly lying to you about things that matter to you, that is an immediate red sign.
I remember being in this fling with a girl who was cagey about everything. She would blatantly lie when messing up, anything to escape owning up to her misdeeds and disrespect.
Don’t invest much of your time in someone who lies. It’s a breeding ground for a relationship full of unease and suspicion.
6. Passive-aggressive and not communicative
Unfortunately, my parents never did set a good example of how to be a good communicating couple within a relationship.
Growing up like that makes you think it’s okay to deal with someone who is passive-aggressive all the time or simply not willing to communicate, especially when the relationship needs it.
Anytime I found myself or coaching clients in a situation like this, it would eventually result in a relationship that was tense and stressful.
It’s something that can be worked on if you have the right partner but consider it a toxic relationship sign. Just be wary and start making some adjustments soon.
7. Takes advantage of your kind nature without appreciation
This isn’t as bad as being cheated on or being abused but the problem with this kind of toxic relationship sign is that it ruins attraction.
If a formula for relationships existed, it would be a give and get one.
It’s reciprocal in nature.
When one partner is doing all the work and the other sits back and watches without being appreciative at all, it creates a dysbiosis within the relationship.
You get taken advantage of and your level of investment increases while the other parties will decrease.
That’s when you’ll start to feel unloved and unheard.
If this red flag exists within your relationship, you should have a conversation with your partner and come to a better agreement.
8. Prioritizes everyone else other than you
To be with someone romantically often dictates a certain amount of prioritization.
It doesn’t mean you need to abandon everyone and everything else in your life but a specific block of time and effort should always be allocated to your partner.
If that doesn’t exist and you come after everything and everyone else, that’s a red flag.
How can you commit to someone for an indefinite time if they can’t commit some time to you now?
9. You’re punished for your past and differences
For a relationship to prosper, two things need to exist, acceptance and compromise.
You can’t be held accountable and punished for the choices you made in the past when your partner wasn’t even a factor in your life.
That’s not fair, especially if you were sincere and didn’t do anything to intentionally hurt your partner.
Similarly, being punished for having a difference of opinion is unnecessary and unhealthy.
As an individual, you are allowed to have a different opinion from your partner.
It’s the duty of the two of you to find a compromise. That’s the work involved in having a healthy and loving relationship.
Work on this aspect of your relationship. It may not be a deal-breaker but it’s a toxic relationship sign that requires some attention.
10. You’re constantly compared to old lovers
If there ever was a way to make someone feel inadequate and insecure, it would be to compare them to someone else. It’s the perfect recipe for creating jealousy and envy too.
This is heightened within a relationship.
Everyone wants to think of themselves as the best partner. Better than any ex.
When you start to compare, you create a competition that will only end poorly.
Have a talk with your partner and explain how it makes you feel.
If they are mature and respectful, this habit will stop altogether. If not, you may find yourself wanting out of the relationship.
You’re amazing. End of story. No comparison needed.
What is the importance of identifying toxic relationship signs?
They are the most pivotal warning signs of a relationship that is heading into dangerous waters.
By being aware of these red flags, you can address the problems head-on by either speaking to your partner and finding some compromise or part ways before any more damage takes place.
I’m an advocate for putting in effort into anything your heart desires but not if that very same thing is sucking all the happiness out of your life and leaving you with wounds that shouldn’t be inflicted ever.
A lot of growth and development happens from being aware of shortcomings, especially in your love life.
This equips you with adequate experience to either fix a failing relationship or attract someone of a better standard in the future.
Don’t run away from your problems. They’ll always catch up.
Acknowledge and address them.
You can have the relationship of your dreams
“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” – Mother Teresa
Don’t be discouraged by the problems you face now.
Every obstacle you overcome will add to the maturity and experience that will help you in attracting and developing a beautiful relationship.
Please remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is good for your soul. Don’t worry, you won’t be single forever if you walk away from someone who treats you terribly right now.
Don’t settle for someone who is going to make your life miserable. You only get one of these lives.
Be sure to spend it with someone who is of high quality.
I wish you all the luck and love in the world!
If you need help in your love life, be sure to check out my Services page. I offer email coaching/emergency advice within 24 hours.