It is anxiety inducing when someone ignores you on purpose. Your insecurities are brought to light in this situation because it feels like a form of rejection. Whenever someone feels rejected, the chance of experiencing feelings of desperation skyrocket. But, as we both know, acting in desperation is not a good idea when dealing with people or relationships. So, what should you do when someone ignores you on purpose?
When you have made multiple attempts to communicate with someone who keeps ignoring you, stop yourself from initiating further contact. Sometimes, the other person needs time and space to cool down and process their emotions before communicating with you.
If you insist on talking, it could result in a greater disagreement or fight. Alternatively, it could push them away from you altogether.
Typically, I write about romantic relationships and within that context, it is often recommended to not chase someone who ignores you.
Why?
Because it devalues your worth, creates the perception of desperation, and ruins the balance of respect within the relationship.
Unless, ofcourse, you have genuinely hurt the other person or made a huge blunder. In that case, making an effort to win back their good will, trust, and attention is advisable.
You need to read this article: What to do when your ex ignores your messages
Why You Shouldn’t Chase Someone Who Ignores You
When I was younger, I would respond desperately and emotionally if someone ignored me on purpose.
What this taught the other person is that I had a vulnerability.
If they wanted to exercise control over me, they knew exactly what buttons to press. Essentially, it becomes a tool for manipulation.
When it finally clicked and I understood what was happening, I learnt how to step away and leave things be.
I was met with resistance.
The other person did not budge and I would resort back to desperation. In doing so, I discarded my self respect and gave a manipulative person more power over me.
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Alternatively, I got mad and made the situation worse.
That’s the danger in pursuing someone who ignores you on purpose and has no good reason.
Context matters when deciding what to do when someone ignores you on purpose.
Only through this experience was I able to internalize the importance of valuing respect and behaving with dignity.
Unless you are certain of being able to exercise emotional self control even in the face of further rejection or silence, it is best to wait until you are before initiating contact again.
But, there has to be a point at which you leave the ball in the other person’s court and walk away, especially if you have made multiple attempts to communicate.
Again, it’s not about making an ultimatum. That would just be another play at desperation. Instead, you want to let the other person know that you won’t bother them further and hope to hear from them again.
At that point, you stop reaching out.
It’s as simple as that.
The hard part is accepting, what feels like, defeat.
Even if it’s not the case, we must accept that in some situations, there’s nothing we can say or do to change what has happened.
No apology or explanation will change the situation.
Does that mean you shouldn’t apologize or explain? No, absolutely not.
The respectful thing to do is apologize and explain your position when you have made a serious and definite mistake.
But, be prepared for the possibility that it will not be enough and that you have no choice but to accept the other person’s decision to ignore you.
You need to read this article: Why is he ignoring me after I apologized?
How To Deal With Someone Who Is Ignoring You
It’s weird of me to even title this article around being ignored on purpose because the act of ignoring someone is intentional.
You’re not being ignored if someone is oblivious or ignorant to you or your attempts to communicate.
Perhaps, they’re busy with work or dealing with a situation that does not permit them to respond to you.
In that case, there’s no issue to be fixed and they’ll get back to you when they can.
This is why it’s important that you give someone an acceptable amount of time to respond or get back to you.
In that way, you’ll be able to ascertain whether they are actually ignoring you or not.
I am of the belief that it is our responsibility to have boundaries.
Those boundaries should be expressed vocally or through actions.
For instance, if you are being ignored on purpose, either let the other person know that you are not accepting of this behavior and walk away or simply don’t reach out to them thereafter. Let your lack of presence or silence be the consequence of a boundary being crossed.
And when that person reaches out after ignoring you with a lame excuse or no excuse at all, there has to be another consequence.
If you just invite them back into your life, they’ll understand that there’s no long lasting consequence to your boundary being crossed.
I’ve realized something.
When I lacked self-respect and when my identity was not fleshed out properly, I didn’t respect my own boundaries.
I allowed people to get away with a blatant violation of my boundaries.
I wasn’t blind to it. I just lacked the backbone and self-respect to enforce my boundaries and to hold people to a higher standard when they were in my presence.
As I’ve matured, especially over the last two years, I have gained more self-respect. More importantly, I’ve begun to truly understand my identity and what type of behavior I tolerate and don’t tolerate.
It’s been far easier to enforce boundaries now because I value myself and what I bring to the table.
If someone disrespects that value, then they have to be held accountable. If they don’t take accountability and treat me with respect thereafter, they have to leave.
It doesn’t have to be on bad terms but they just have to go because I’m unwilling to entertain someone who does not offer respect, consideration, open-mindedness, and willingness to communicate.
What I’ve noticed is that I don’t deal with these types of issues anymore.
I’m not dealing with someone ignoring me because to be repeatedly ignored requires me to initiate contact repeatedly.
And I don’t do that.
If someone has done that with me, they’re aware that they will lose access to me completely.
Again, let me emphasize that this pertains to being ignored on purpose without any fair reason or justification.
If I have done something wrong or to hurt someone, I’m not mad at them for ignoring me while they’re upset.
It’s understandable and justifiable.
But, even then, there’s only so far I’m willing to go.
I’ll apologize sincerely and make an effort in proportion to the type of mistake I’ve made.
Because my apology contains ownership of my actions and acknowledges how I made the other person feel, it has more effect on the other person.
Resentment and pain persist when our feelings are not acknowledged and addressed.
We want to feel validated before an apology is accepted.
If you don’t know what you’ve done, ask the other person to explain. Let them know that you are dialed into understanding how you have upset them and why it upset them.
More often than not, this will open them up and they’ll say something.
If you’re met with silence, let it be and reach out again after a few days.
At that point, if you’re being ignored, just stop reaching out.
You need to read this article: Do this when a girl goes quiet on text
Final Thoughts
There’s a lot that can be learnt from troubleshooting issues like this in life.
When faced with difficulties, it is of paramount importance to exercise dignity and respect to others and to ourselves.
That’s the only way to move through life honorably and without many regrets.
Being ignored hurts. Losing someone hurts. Rejection hurts.
That’s a part of life.
All of us have to deal with this at some point or another.
As long as you operate from a place of honesty, maturity, dignity, and respect, you’ll learn from these situations and grow into a stronger and wiser man or woman.
You will also create many opportunities for reconciliation to occur when you behave in this way.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be helpful and practical. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below. I’d love to discuss this and learn from your experiences as well.