After a fight or misunderstanding, some people choose to withdraw and avoid contact until they feel better. Sometimes, this act of silence is a means of inspiring others to make an effort towards reconciliation, especially when they feel unloved and disrespected. Let’s say that you apologized to him, but nothing changed. You’d feel rejected and confused. You’re probably wondering, “Why is he ignoring me after I apologized?” Here’s why.
Either he isn’t convinced that you are truly sorry, your apology may not have been sincere or emotive enough, his feelings are still hurt, or he’s trying to punish you for whatever reason he has. It’s never a good thing to be ignored, especially after apologizing, but you have to entertain all the possibilities before making a decision on what to do next.
It’s helpful to consider the fact that everyone has their own approach to conflict and reconciliation.
For example, I’m someone who prefers to communicate my feelings, even if it requires us to have an uncomfortable conversation.
Once I feel heard and understood, I’m even more receptive to making things right.
Throw in a genuine apology and make an effort to do things better, and I’ll let it go. I’m not the kind of person to harbor ill will or hold a grudge unless I’ve been severely betrayed and hurt.
Even then, I still struggle with the idea of cutting someone off altogether, even if I have to. I may do it, but doing so goes against my nature, which is why I struggle with parting ways with people.
I’m sure most of you who are reading this site will resonate with this.
I suppose this is why it’s so difficult for most of us to use the no contact rule when we have been dumped or left.
As much as we know that it will benefit us to walk away, we struggle to let go and cut off all communication with people we love.
Ignoring You Is A Defense Mechanism In Some Men
On the flip side, there are people who can only cope by resigning from a relationship or friendship during times of turmoil and conflict.
When their feelings are hurt, their natural instinct is to place barriers and walls between themselves and the person who hurt them.
It may feel like you are being targeted, but in reality, it’s just a natural defense mechanism to protect themselves, even if that means hurting the other person through silence and stonewalling.
Being with someone who closes up during conflict can present a difficult challenge to overcome because all relationships require deep communication for survival and growth.
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Far too many couples break up due to a lack of communication rather than deal-breaking factors.
So, what we must entertain is the possibility that your partner is the type of man who doesn’t handle conflict well.
Rather than communicate, he stonewalls and ends communication until his feelings of anger or pain subside.
The issue is that it doesn’t really matter how much you apologize or how sincere your efforts are.
Until they are ready to communicate and make up, you have to be prepared to deal with zero contact from them.
Being ignored or stonewalled becomes a frequent experience during conflict with a partner who doesn’t know how to communicate through difficult situations and uncomfortable feelings.
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Your Apology Was Not Enough For Him To Forgive You
When it comes to apologies, you have to understand what is required of you before making a genuine attempt to reconcile.
Simply stating that you are sorry isn’t enough to inspire the right type of feelings within another person to forgive you.
Granted, there are situations that may warrant a simple apology.
But, more often than not, most romantic misunderstandings call for deeper apologies that touch on how you made your partner feel, how remorseful you are, and steps to rectify your behavior in the future.
If your apology contains all of the above and you are sincerely going to make an effort in some way or another to improve, then you’ve probably done enough in terms of apologizing.
Obviously, again, I must state that the context of the issue plays a crucial role in determining whether an apology is enough to fix things.
If you betrayed or deeply hurt your partner in some way, an apology may only be the first step towards winning them back.
So, you really have to factor in the extent of damage caused by the role you played in the issue the two of you faced.
I know that we guys are painted out to be cold robots at times, but the truth is that we can be sensitive.
Hurt a man’s ego and bruise his softer side, and it may cause him long-lasting pain that will take time and effort to heal.
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He Wants You To Chase Him
In some cases, men will use this opportunity to shift the power balance in their favor.
Ignoring you may prove to be an effective way to make you chase him.
Seeing that you want him to forgive you translates to being wanted and cared for.
It also shows him that you need him, which is something that will make a person feel powerful.
To be honest, there’s really no need for this at all in a healthy relationship. I would go so far as to call it a red flag, especially if you have given him no reason to doubt your feelings for him.
Unless the reason for your issues is a lack of care and effort on your end, I struggle to see the merit behind him ignoring you to make you chase him.
If it’s just about ego and power, then, this is a red flag, and he is displaying behavior that isn’t conducive to a mature and loving relationship.
Be that as it may, I have to circle back to what I said earlier about the context of the disagreement or issue.
If you messed up severely, then be prepared for the work that is required to earn back trust and love from your partner.
An apology may not be good enough, and chasing him may be a justifiable expectation in this context.
If it is, then, that is a choice you must make.
These days, so many of us are afraid of chasing that we mistake effort for desperation. There’s nothing wrong with going the extra mile to show your love or concern for someone who genuinely cares about you, and vice versa.
A lack of effort is just as bad as desperate effort.
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Final Thoughts
My advice to you would be to make an effort that correlates with the extent of the damage caused by your actions in the relationship.
If what occurred isn’t a deal breaker for him and he still cares about you, I’m certain that he will stop ignoring you after you apologize and make an extra effort to show your remorse and love.
Express yourself with sincerity, be caring, and behave with integrity.
That’s all you need to do in this situation.
Perhaps, all he needs is some time to calm down before communicating with you again in a loving and kind way.
With that being said, I hope this article on why he is ignoring you after you apologized was helpful and a source of comfort. If you would like my help with a specific relationship issue, check out my services page for more information on my email consultation package.