Getting ignored triggers intense feelings of rejection. We’ve all been there and we’ve all indulged ourselves in desperation. But, more often than not, you end up embarrassed, dejected, and even humiliated. I’m here to prevent all of that from happening. Here’s what to do when your ex ignores your messages.
The best thing to do when your ex ignores your messages is to pretend as if you never sent them in the first place. Put them out of your mind and allow the rejection and obsession that follow to pass through you as quickly as possible. If you try to act on it, you will only reinforce the effects of rejection.
When you are uncontrollably emotional over rejection, you must channel your energy towards emotional self-control. If you don’t, you will default to desperation, which is often the primary emotion felt during rejection.
A form of rejection is, let’s face it, when an ex ignores you.
When it happens, you have to guard your position as if you are playing a game of chess. Do not show your ex anything. No reaction other than indifference and inaction will result in positive emotions from your ex.
Best case scenario: Your ex gets an ego boost from it and decides to reply to you intermittently until they lose interest again because they know that you are desperate to have them.
Worst case scenario: Your ex loses all attraction and respect for you in the process of observing your desperation and lack of emotional self-control.
This is an incredibly important lesson to learn.
Ask yourself the following question: What is the best move that I can make right now?
When you don’t have control over something, you have to consider the best possible move for you.
How can you act in a way that causes the least damage to you or provides the most benefit with the circumstances at play.
I’ll be the first to admit that I have never been this way until recently.
I was a slave to my emotions and I discarded dignity for desperation. 99% of the time, I’ve regretted every single decision I made out of desperation for someone.
That’s the truth.
The only time desperation has been a positive source of fuel in my life is if it was directed towards things that were within my control, such as work, studies, fitness, and survival.
In romantic relationships, it never rewarded me in the way that I hoped.
Perhaps, momentarily, it produced some results but it would come back to bite me in the long run.
Step out of desperation and think about what you can do to maintain dignity, self respect, and worth.
Because when we talk of attraction, we cannot overlook the incredible impact dignity, self respect and worth has on the perception of value.
These three attributes are considered extremely valuable in terms of attraction. When you sacrifice them, ultimately, you sacrifice the value you had in the eyes of another person. Worst of all, you sacrifice the value you have for yourself.
So as far as possible, make the best move that preserves dignity, self respect, and worth.
I’ll keep it simple and explain what you need to do going forward.
This will help you to preserve value, to attract your ex, to break the attachment you have to your ex and to finally move on.
You need to read this article: Should you unfriend someone who ghosted you?
Do This If Your Ex Ignores You
1. Never chase your ex
My assumption is that if you’re reading this article, you’re the one who feels a desire to reconcile or get attention from your ex.
Perhaps you were dumped or the entire balance of power has shifted towards your ex.
I’ve seen this happen many times.
In fact, a close friend of mine had ended a relationship of many years with his ex.
Ordinarily, you’d think that she’d be the one dependent on him but the tables completely turned a year later.
She’s the one who has a busy social life and a rotation of people she’s casually dating while he’s busy sitting around waiting for her to reply to his texts.
Why did this happen?
Because he made the mistake of chasing her when she pulled away after the breakup.
He wanted to remain in contact and enjoy the perks of having her support without being in a relationship with her.
But in holding onto that dependency, he messed up.
Now, he finds himself in the position of sometimes having to chase his ex for a ‘friendship’.
Even if you aren’t in this situation, you shouldn’t chase your ex.
If you made a mistake ending the relationship, be forthcoming. Create an opportunity to make things right.
Initiate contact with your ex and try to recreate the relationship.
But, if you are met with constant rejection and your ex doesn’t give you the time of day needed to rebuild a relationship, walk away.
Similarly, if you’ve been dumped but desperately want your ex back, don’t chase them.
They ended the relationship, so it is their responsibility to restart it.
You can improve your behavior in the meantime and work on becoming a better partner for someone.
But, don’t cling to the desperate need to be with your ex.
That need will inspire feelings of intense desperation.
Before you know it, you’re chasing your ex like a desperate puppy.
Nothing about that is truly attractive.
You need to read this article: Why is he ignoring me after I apologized?
2. Practice indifference
Indifference is defined as a lack of interest, concern, or sympathy. But, let’s be honest, none of us would be reading articles about our ex if we weren’t interested or concerned about them or our interactions with them.
I’ve witnessed many people try to feel indifferent by communicating that to their ex.
It doesn’t work at all.
If anything, it makes you look silly and inauthentic which is just unattractive to others.
Your ex will see right through your attempt at appearing indifferent if you are literally trying to communicate that to them after trying to win their attention.
This is why I advise anyone in this situation to practice indifference.
In other words, do not view indifference as a feeling but rather a choice.
If something is a choice, like choosing to hit a ball with a bat, then it can be practiced.
To practice something is to mimic the behavior over and over again, irrespective of the circumstances around you and with intentionality.
So, here’s what to do when your ex ignores your messages.
Practice indifference by first identifying what someone who is indifferent would do in this situation.
First and foremost, they would not lash out or interrogate their ex for why they’re ignoring them.
Secondly, they would not try to elicit a response from their ex with a cheap tactic on social media.
Thirdly, they would accept that he or she isn’t going to reply.
Fourthly, they would go about their life as if they never sent the message in the first place.
This is how you practice indifference when you’ve been ignored.
By intentionally limiting the actions available to you, there’s no other option but to practice indifference.
You may not be feeling indifferent but everything you’re doing is projecting the effects of indifference. Which is more than enough to achieve the kind of goal we are striving for. Your dignity will remain intact and your sense of self-worth will be preserved to you and your ex.
You need to read this article: Does absence make your ex miss you?
3. Go on with your life
This may be a hard pill to swallow but it’s the truth – life will always test you.
Even if you learnt the lesson, you may be sent the same test over and over again. The only way to truly grow and become strong is by absorbing those lessons until they become a part of you.
I swear that this is something I figured out recently and it changed my entire perspective on the habitual tests that keep occurring.
Learning the lesson doesn’t erase the recurrence of the test.
So, if the lesson becomes a part of you, you will pass the test with little suffering each time it shows up.
This is the only way to enjoy relationships and life as a whole.
Whenever I find myself ruminating over the past or a situation that upset me, especially within the relationship space, I remind myself of what I’m put on this planet to do.
Leaning into your natural essence is the remedy to suffering.
As a man, it’s my purpose and mission in life.
When I am dialed into that with love and sincerity, overcoming hardship comes naturally.
When I’m not, that’s when I entangle myself with suffering and bad choices.
People exiting your life or ignoring you is a test of life that will keep occurring.
You have to learn to accept reality for what it is and choose to do what you must do on a daily basis.
That’s how you move on.
Closure comes from moving on day by day.
Choosing to live your life despite the desire or desperation for another is the only way to move on properly.
You need to read this article: How to let go of an ex you still love
Truthfully speaking, it’s very difficult to change an ex’s mind when they ignore you by doing anything other than what I’ve described above.
At this point, you should never reach out to them again.
The only chance you have is if he or she reaches out to you in the future. If they don’t, prepare yourself to never speak to this person again no matter how much you love them.
It even hurts me to write this but it’s true.
And I don’t want to see so many people living in a fantasy that strips them off their dignity, time, and self worth.
If you can shift your mindset to choose those who choose you, life will be tremendously better for you.
Take all that energy you feel from being ignored and direct it towards something within your control like prayer, exercise, work, meditation, socializing, charity, and so forth.
Watch how your life transforms with this.
With that being said, we have reached the end of this article on what to do when your ex ignores your message. I hope you found it to be useful. If you would like to work with me directly, check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package.