The day has finally arrived. It’s your ex’s birthday but unlike the years before, you’re no longer a part of it. Some time has passed since you last spoke or something really bad happened and they cut you off. You’re probably wondering, is it safe to wish your ex a happy birthday?
The answer is usually no. It is not safe to wish your ex a happy birthday, especially when they dumped you, cheated on you or moved on from you and have no interest in staying connected.
I know that seems hard to believe. You think back to all the fond memories and try to convince yourself that you have an obligation to wish your ex on their birthday.
But, you don’t.
When a romantic relationship ends, so do all obligations, unless you were married.
Even then, it may not be necessary to wish your ex at all.
There are number of reasons why you shouldn’t wish your ex a happy birthday that we should discuss immediately.
1. You’re doing no contact
No contact is the first thing I advise anyone to do after a breakup, especially if they have been dumped.
One of the primary rules of no contact is to avoid initiating any interactions with your ex.
In other words, you are not permitted to call, text or like anything they post online. Whether it’s your ex’s birthday or not, you have absolutely no business reaching out to them.
So, if your initiating no contact, you should not wish your ex a happy birthday.
End of story.
2. They don’t deserve it
Doing something thoughtful like wishing an ex is something reserved for people who have been good and kind to you.
It’s not about being petty.
It’s about valuing yourself enough to step away from someone who betrayed or hurt you badly.
It’s about respecting yourself enough to avoid bad people, even if you shared a relationship with them.
It may not be the easiest thing to do.
I know some people who are kind and forgiving to a fault. But, it’s just not a healthy thing to do.
3. You’re in a new relationship
If your new partner would not be comfortable with you wishing your ex and it may cause an unnecessary problem in the relationship, don’t do it.
Also, getting in touch with your ex always comes with the risk of drudging up unresolved feelings or trauma.
It is neither productive nor healthy to put yourself in that position when you have met someone new and lovely.
Focus on your own relationship and becoming a better partner.
If anything, we could make the same argument for your ex. Let them focus on their new partner rather than popping up out of nowhere and adding drama into their life.
A really great ex is someone who stays away so that you have the space and ability to move on and find happiness with someone who is better suited for you.
4. They don’t want to hear from you
Irrespective of who did what, when boundaries are drawn, both parties should respect that.
What’s the point in chasing after someone who doesn’t want to talk to you?
It sets you up to be ignored or rejected all over again. Worst of all, you may even receive an ugly reply that leaves you feeling utterly hurt and confused.
Is it really worth it? I don’t think so.
When you pursue or make an effort to be in the life of someone who doesn’t value your presence anymore, you automatically devalue yourself further in their eyes and yours.
Self-respect is a rare commodity in this day and age. Don’t sell yours with such ease.
Maintain your self-respect and dignity. Don’t chase after someone who doesn’t want you.
5. You are still hung up on your ex
I’ll be the first to admit that moving on after a breakup can be easier said than done.
Your heart and mind may be telling you to reach out and wish your ex a happy birthday but that doesn’t mean it will change anything.
For all you know, it may not even matter to your ex whether you do or don’t.
There’s really no way of moving on and making peace with the past by holding onto the past.
Reaching out may only set you back weeks or months. It may confuse you further and retrigger feelings that you were starting to let go of.
To move on from your ex and make peace with the past, it is imperative that you avoid contact with your ex for as long as possible and remove all reminders from your life.
When can you wish your ex a happy birthday?
When the two of you are good friends, have both moved on and you don’t have residual feelings for your ex.
There’s really no problem with it under these circumstances. I know of some people who manage to become completely platonic with their exes and can maintain a healthy friendship with boundaries.
If that’s you, then I don’t see much of a problem with you wishing your ex a happy birthday.
As a rule of thumb, if you have to try and justify wishing your ex for their birthday, then you probably shouldn’t.
I’ve followed this simple technique and it has worked out well for me and those who use it.
You’re not a bad person for choosing yourself over your ex
Trust me when I tell you that I’ve battled with this question myself. But, I have come to realize that there’s great importance in self-preservation.
Far too often do good people sacrifice themselves for people who wouldn’t do the same for them.
When I realized how valuable it is to put my own happiness first, my life took a turn for the better.
By no means am I a selfish person to the people in my life.
On the contrary, I have maintained a strong sense of selflessness for the people who love me and whom I love. But, that doesn’t extend to people who betrayed my trust or willingly left my life.
What you’ll find is that when the tables are turned, they may not even remember it was your birthday in the first place.
Focus your efforts and attention on yourself and the good people in your life. You can’t go wrong by doing that.
By taking care of yourself, you can take care of the people in your life whom you love dearly.
I hope you found this article to be of some help to you. Please head over to the comment section below and share your thoughts on this subject.