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Will My Ex Come Back After No Contact?

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You’re going through a breakup, the feelings of separation anxiety are kicking in and you’re wondering whether or not to do the no contact. Your biggest question is probably this, will my ex come back after no contact?

The short answer is Yes. If your ex still has any good feelings left for you and you did not cheat, manipulate or deceive your ex, he or she will most likely come back after no contact.

Like most things in life, there’s no 100% certainty on the result.

A number of factors need to be considered before we can gage the possibility rate of you getting your ex back.

In my own experience, more often than not an ex has come back after no contact.

A few good years ago, my relationship of many years ended almost suddenly (at least that’s how it appeared to me at the time).

I was a mess. It shocked me and my instinct was to do something.

That’s how I’ve been wired my entire life.

When something goes wrong, there must be a way for me to fix it. That has been my way of thinking since forever. But, that doesn’t really apply in such scenarios.

I chased and begged for another chance. All my efforts to win my ex back resulted in further rejection and heartache.

The more things I tried, the more I lost.

When I finally stopped resisting the need to go no contact, that’s when things changed. After a few months, my ex reached out to me and I was elated.

That’s huge progress.

From not wanting to speak to me at all to contact me out of nowhere. That’s the kind of results you see from initiating no contact – especially if you were the one who was dumped.

I would be amiss not to caution you of the possibility that your ex may not come back.

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If there was no attraction left by the end of the relationship, that makes it increasingly hard to determine whether he or she will reach out after no contact.

Also, you have to consider the circumstances surrounding the breakup. Whether infidelity was involved or deceit. Whether there’s an old lover in the background or not.

Then you need to consider the possibility that your ex has just moved on, even there was no nefarious or hugely negative reason for the breakup.

If enough time has passed, we would not be premature in assuming that your ex could have moved on entirely.

Be that as it may, let’s analyze this situation further.

Benefits of doing no contact with your ex

The typical behavior of someone who wants their ex back is to chase, beg, plead, lash out, fight, try to make their ex jealous and eventually get blocked.

All of which do nothing more than ruin your chances of getting him or her back. Additionally, these options diminish you of self-worth, dignity and so forth.

  • No contact prevents you from doing any of the above.
  • It gives you the space to deal with the breakup.
  • It gives your ex the space to start thinking about you and missing you.
  • No contact also gives you control over the situation and that’s an important thing to bear in mind.

Most of the time, breakups leave one of the parties feeling helpless and powerless.

One of the ways in which you can take control of the narrative and your life again is to initiate no contact.

You’re making the conscious decision to stop all communication with your ex unless he or she wants to reach out if they change their mind.

Most exes would prefer to stay friends, especially as the dumper because that provides them all the comfort they need to move on.

Instead, no contact forces them to experience total loss of your presence in their life.

Which is daunting and triggers the effects of a breakup on your ex.

How to do no contact the right way

Some gurus or coaches advocate the principle of 30 days no contact but I tend to avoid this approach altogether.

For the best possible outcome, initiate no contact indefinitely.

If you have been dumped or rejected, you should not be reaching out until your ex does.

That’s the best way to do no contact because it removes doubt from the equation.

If or when your ex reaches out, you know for certain that he or she wants to talk to you or find out how you’re doing.

It’s the perfect opportunity for you to monopolize on that. Here’s what to do when your ex reaches out after no contact.

Furthermore, an indefinite no contact achieves its original purpose and that is to help you move on.

Just because your ex reaches out or wants you back doesn’t mean the relationship is destined to work.

Realistically, most of the relationships in your life will end. That’s the way life works.

So doing no contact indefinitely is more of an approach to healing than it is to wining back an ex.

Use that time to move on. Process the breakup, work through your feelings, improve yourself, chase after a life you want and meet new people.

How long will it take to get your ex back?

Like I said above, there’s really no set time period in which it will work.

Sometimes it takes weeks and other times it can take months if not years.

Depending on the circumstances of the relationship, breakup and events proceeding the split, the time can vary.

There are instances when the no contact rule will not work, you can read them here.

The problem with thinking about when it may work is that you are only doing this to get your ex back.

That’s not healthy or productive.

And it’s certainly not a fruitful use of your time.

Why would you want to place your entire life on hold for the chance that your ex might come back.

What’s the point?

Do you have a guarantee that you will be alive indefinitely? Shouldn’t you be capturing every precious day you’re alive with vigor?

Your ex will come back or…

You’ll move on with your life and meet the next big love story of your life.

Either way, you’ll be okay!

All I know for certain is that there isn’t much to be gained by chasing the ghosts from the past.

I wasted precious time doing that, time I will never get back.

If you’re going to do no contact, do it for the right reasons. Sure, you can think about getting your ex back but also focus on your own happiness beyond a relationship.

Your life is bigger than any single relationship. Don’t lose sight of that. This tough time will pass. I can promise you that much.

With that being said, let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

Don’t forget to check out the book!

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3 thoughts on “Will My Ex Come Back After No Contact?”

  1. Great advice. I totally agree that “No contact” should be done to move on, not to get your ex back.

    I brokenup with ex because she wouldn’t commit, then changed my mind because I was in love with her. She then upstaged me, and went full no contact after telling me off.

    I begged, pleaded, apologized, but it was too late.

    I initially started no contact to win her back. But I am growing stronger emotionally, and subsequently realizing that there is no wisdom in chasing a person who doesn’t desire you in their life.

    I am grateful for your post, because it clarifies the whole concept, and helps one appreciate the futility of gambling on another’s whim.

    I am better off for reading your post.


  2. I also am very grateful for your post. Naturally I just want to fix things and its difficult to ignore. I only make things worse. Its taking me a long time to accept the no contact thing, even reaching out to my ex friends and family trying to get some answers. I regret not initiating it sooner even though I knew all along it was the right thing to do. I just find it so goddam hard to control my emotions sometimes.

    Your post has been very helpful in developing my emotional intelligence. I’m 31 years old and been in countless relationships and I’m still learning new things from each break up. The latest break up has been the hardest. Mainly the shock, helplessness and sheer rejection. I used to think it gets easier each time but thats really not the case. Especially after a good relationship with no cheating or deceit involved the confusion can really cloud our judgement of the appropriate action to take.

    Anyway I just want to say thanks for giving good advice and not trying to sell me some misogynistic pick up guide like other sites.

    1. These feelings that you’ve just described: shock, helplessness and sheer rejection; these are the exact same things I’m feeling right now.

      How a person that you are so in love with will decide to just ghost on you is beyond me! Almost like I’ve been with a stranger this whole time.

      I’m exhausted from all these feelings to the point that I am numb; I just don’t know what to feel anymore.

      I only started the no-contact yesterday, after calling and messaging endlessly. I figured that there is no point in trying to contact someone who clearly doesn’t want to talk to you.

      I only wish there was an online group with people going through this same situation. I need some form of support and sense of belonging right now. I feel so alone in this. ?

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