Are you involved with a single father? It’s a bit more complicated than what you’re used to. Unsurprisingly, you’ve heard some bad stories about men going back to their baby mamas. It’s normal to have doubts and concerns. But, I’m going to clear them up for you. Which brings us to the most important question of today’s article, will a man always love the mother of his child?
Surprisingly, the answer is no, a man will not always love the mother of his child. In fact, there are countless people who have completely moved on from the mother or father of their child. At most, a man will always care about the mother of his child for the sake of his child’s wellbeing.
Passionate romantic love is always in a state of flux and is heavily influenced by nurturing behavior.
Without regular communication, acts of service for each other, intimacy, time spent together alone and mutual desire to be together, romantic love does not persist.
It may diminish until it doesn’t exist anymore or it changes to a more platonic version of love devoid of desire.
At worst, it can turn into hate or complete indifference, the latter being the worst of the two scenarios.
We can’t make a blanket statement that a man will always love the mother of his child without differentiating between these different outcomes.
There are definitely cases when it’s true, especially in the event of unresolved romantic feelings and desire that lingers after they split.
Most breakups are not amicable or clean.
Someone wanted the breakup less than the other person. Perhaps, they never wanted to break up at all.
As much as they can move on, there’s going to be some degree of desire or attraction that lingers on for a certain period of time.
Think about a time when your ex left and you felt as if you lost the perfect partner. Every memory of them was interpreted through rose tinted glasses. Flaws and issues fall by the wayside and you pedestalize their good attributes.
An unrealistic ghost of your ex haunts you for a while.
People who are unafraid of suffering embrace this phase and allow themselves the freedom to let go of an ex, even if they have adopted an inaccurately perfect picture of their ex.
With time, they detach and grow as a person.
We are all growing as individuals.
People who remain stagnant tend to fixate on the past because the future is too scary for them due to a lack of movement in their life.
They haven’t changed much and they hold onto the person that they were while in a relationship with their ex.
So, in keeping the image of their ex alive in their mind, they remain unchanged and the feelings they have for that ex lingers.
Other people who embrace change and strive for personal growth experience freedom from the past to a great degree.
To heal, we must firmly decide on how to change and then patiently persevere towards such change.
As you heal, change and grow, it’s inevitable to disconnect from the person you were who loved your ex.
As a result, those feelings you once had for that ex diminishes.
You’ve changed and the requirements for your love have changed alongside you.
Even if you share a child with an ex, it becomes reasonable to assume that you would completely stop loving the mother of your child if you completely outgrow her.
You could respect her and care about her wellbeing in so far as it pertains to your child but that’s where the connection will end.
This is highly possible for someone who has embarked on the journey of growth and change post break up from the mother of his child.
If the mother of his child was a miserable and terrible parent, it’s even possible for a man to develop feelings of resentment and hatred for the mother of his child.
A situation like this is unfortunate and damaging to all parties involved.
But, it happens and in such a case, it would be ridiculous for us to say that a man will always love the mother of his child.
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How To Tell If A Man Still Loves The Mother Of His Child
First and foremost, judge each situation on a case by case basis.
Secondly, acquire as much information as you can handle that may shine a light on whether you have cause for concern or not.
Here’s what information you would need to make a closely accurate judgment:
- How long ago did they split up?
- Did they try reconciling?
- Whose idea was it to break up?
- What kind of relationship do they share now?
- How often do they talk or spend time together (apart from family get-togethers)?
A mature way of ascertaining this information is by having an honest and open conversation with a man.
Don’t accuse him of anything.
If you enter the conversation with the intention of learning and you reserve your judgment for after the conversation while still factoring current behavior and his character, you’ll be able to figure out an answer that is more accurate.
At the end of the day, you can never stop someone from cheating nor can you make someone love or not love someone.
That isn’t your job or responsibility.
What you have to do is ensure that the man you are involved in has integrity and a good moral compass.
Trust but verify.
Observe whether he has respectful boundaries and if you feel like certain behavior is inappropriate, bring it to his attention.
A man with the abovementioned characteristics will make the necessary adjustments to his behavior and interactions with the mother of his child to respect your relationship without jeopardizing his child’s happiness.
At the end of the day, you have to realize that it’s not just about you, him and his ex.
I’m not saying that you need to abandon all self interest.
Afterall, a relationship is not forced on you.
But, there is a child involved and he does have a responsibility to provide the best possible family dynamic for his child.
That doesn’t mean he needs to use that as an excuse to violate all boundaries.
As long as your boundaries are reasonable and he can involve you in decisions, things can work out.
You need to read this article: 10 Warning signs in a relationship that are cause for concern
Men Who Reconcile And Split Up Again Are More Likely To Move On From Their Baby’s Mama
Most parents tend to reconcile at some point.
Hear me out.
There’s an initial break up and then more often than not, parents try to make things work and reconcile.
Whether it be to create a healthy family dynamic for the sake of their child or because they still love each other, it happens.
But, if the relationship fails again after an attempt to reconcile, it’s pretty safe to assume that they won’t feel that urge to pursue something again because they already answered questions they may have had after splitting up the first time.
So, if this happens to be the case with the man you are seeing, it’s safe to say that he’s properly moved on from the mother of his child.
Another factor to consider is the time between them breaking up and the two of you meeting.
It is estimated that the average person takes about a year to fully move on and detach from someone.
The urge to rebound completely passes, the person gets used to life without their ex and they redefine their identity during this period.
These are prerequisites for starting a new relationship.
So, if it’s been more than a year, you can rest assured that he’s not rebounding with you but actually pursuing a genuine relationship.
If you are during that rebound phase, it could be problematic.
Most people rebound to escape their feelings of love and loss for their ex. This can be an intentional or subconscious decision.
Either way, it does call into question whether your partner is truly in the right headspace and emotional space to commit fully to your relationship.
You need to read this article: Why do guys leave pregnant girlfriends?
Why You Shouldn’t Focus On The Fear Of Losing A Man
Recently, I stumbled across a cautionary piece of advice based on Stoicism and Taoism that is relevant to anxiety and fear.
Most of us are hyper fixated on our desires and aversions.
While the object of our desire would make us happy, albeit temporarily at times, the object of our aversions are guaranteed suffering.
What you resist may often persist.
In its persistence, joy, peace and happiness are overpowered by anguish, suffering and desire for change.
If we are to fixate on trying to avoid the pain of losing someone to an ex, we place ourselves in a defensive position.
Our behavior, thoughts and feelings submit to our aversion of what we perceive to be a threatening possibility or a heartbreaking outcome.
While it may not occur, we walk around looking over our shoulder and lay at bed awake at night with one eye open.
Suspicion riddles our thoughts and insecurity plagues the relationship.
Someone who ought to bring you peace and safety becomes the very source of your anguish and suffering without knowing it.
If what we are averse to happens, we suffer extreme pain and suffering.
It’s a lose-lose situation.
Liberate yourself from this fear by focusing on what is within your control, your behavior and mindset.
You don’t strengthen a relationship by trying to prevent another from being desired or formed.
You strengthen it over time with nurture, freedom, support and commitment.
When you are in a state of abundance, it is difficult to make your partner feel diminished or overburdened.
Surrender to fate.
It is the most effective way to enjoy life and relationships to the best of your ability.
There’s no reason to be afraid of loss, insecure about desirability or desperate for commitment when you believe in fate or destiny.
If things work out, you’ll enjoy the relationship and have a life long commitment.
If things don’t work out, you’ll find comfort in knowing that there’s another plan for you and there’s a lesson to this loss.
Belief and faith in fate is the remedy to a lot of fear and anxiety.
True liberation comes when you develop a strong, faithful and committed relationship to God.
So, in respect to this situation, I would advise you to have boundaries and an open dialogue with your partner.
Focus on nurturing your relationship and creating wonderful memories.
Leave the rest to fate and God.
If you can do that, you’d have no reason to worry about whether a man will always love the mother of his child.
You’ll be too busy loving him and being loved by him.
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I’m glad that you are exercising caution with your heart and gathering as much information as you can to either address a possible issue or get comfort in knowing that your fears are nothing more than just that, fears.
As much as you can spend time reading what I have to say and what other relationship experts have to say, the voice to pay close attention to is the one in your gut.
Don’t ignore your gut instincts and differentiate between it and anxiety.
Whether you’re involved with a single father or not, all relationships come with some degree of risk.
And it must because without risk, there would be no need for trust and commitment.
So, if you want to pursue something with this man, choose to trust and commit. At the same time, choose to believe that he will be trustworthy and committed.
Then, let fate unfold as it will but do not involve yourself in what is beyond your control.
Even in the realization of our deepest fears, there’s wisdom in it and countless opportunities for us to grow.
You will be okay, no matter what happens in your relationship.
I hope you found this article on will a man always love the mother of his child to be a source of comfort and insight. If you’d like my personal help, please check out my services page for more information. I wish you all the love in the world and I hope things work out for you.