More often than not, being friends with your ex is a bad idea. This may not be the case for you, depending on which part of the world you’re from, your culture or the situation surrounding you and your ex. But for the rest of us, it’s not a good idea. Here’s why.
Being friends with your ex can complicate your relationships, keep you attached to the past, cause confusion and uncertainty and prevent you from moving on completely.
If you’re like me and you have a hard time letting go of the past or you overthink about someone, then it’s best to avoid being friends with your ex.
There’s nothing wrong with being on good terms with your ex. Being friendly isn’t the issue. This article is about trying to be good friends with your ex and the negative effects of doing so.
I would also like to add that being friends with your ex in an attempt to win them back is the worst thing you could possibly do.
Not only will you suffer and feel horrible when your ex moves on and you have to see it happen but you’ll feel terrible about yourself by being in that situation.
You would be wasting precious time and energy that could have been invested elsewhere.
Now let’s take a closer look at the most important reasons why you shouldn’t be friends with your ex.
1. It can complicate your relationship.
Some people are accepting of this kind of thing and others aren’t. I’m not sure where I fall in this category but I have had issues with partners being friends with their exes and vice versa.
The problem doesn’t have to stem from the friendship itself but from the lack of boundaries exercised by a specific ex.
It’s not always an easy transition from lovers to just friends. Often, it fails and that can add extreme complications in your relationship.
If your ex does not know where to draw the line and it makes your partner uncomfortable, then you have to change something because it can quickly transition into a huge issue.
You have to afford your partner the same level of respect you demand from him or her.
If that means distancing yourself from an ex who cannot respect boundaries, then so be it.
2. Being friends with your ex keeps you attached to the past.
As a young man, I used to have a problem with overthinking and letting go of the past.
I was tormented by what I had lost and this robbed me of precious moments in my life.
Since starting this blog, I’ve encountered people who battle with the same issue and for some reason, being friends with their exes seemed to be one of the most contributing factors to why they struggled to move on.
This is when I strongly recommend the no contact rule because it facilitates growth and a do-over.
Rather than stay attached to the past, the no contact rule forces you to accept the complete end of a relationship with someone. You have no choice but to readjust and find something new in your life.
3. It causes confusion and uncertainty
There’s no blueprint for how to successfully transition from lovers to friends. You have to navigate that by yourself and it’s easier said than done.
When trying to move on from someone, you need clarity on where you stand.
Being friends without strict boundaries can create a lot of confusion and uncertainty. If that occurs during the early phases of a breakup, it can be jarring and frustrating.
Your best course of action is to limit interactions with your ex until enough time has passed that you both have moved on.
4. It prevents you from moving on completely
Relationships suffer in this day and age because most of us have one foot in and one foot out.
To really connect with someone on a deep and meaningful level, you must be willing to work on the relationship and make some sacrifices.
How can you move on from an ex or love someone completely if you are still connected to old lovers or other potential love interests?
Give yourself the opportunity of creating a new love story that is all encompassing by freeing up all the space in your heart and mind.
You can do this by moving on from your ex and not remaining attached to them.
5. You can wind up getting hurt
Far too often I see people attempt to win back their exes by being friends. Unfortunately, this strategy comes with a high risk of getting rejected again.
Furthermore, you place yourself in an unfavorable position of witnessing your ex move on with other people.
Imagine how hurt and upset you are going to feel when your ex moves on and you’ve wasted months or years of your life as a friend who hopes to win them back.
It’s honestly not worth it.
Not only do you lose out on your ex but you also lose valuable time and effort which you can never get back.
Do what’s best for you
I completely understand how difficult it is to be selfish at times but you must prioritize your happiness and future over the past and other people who no longer hold a high position in your life.
The end of a relationship doesn’t necessitate always holding onto that person. You may have to let them go so that you can move on and find your next best love story.
If being friends with your ex makes you happy then more power to you. But, don’t mistake comfort for happiness.
Most people who embrace comfort zones suffer a slow and painful death. Don’t be one of those people.
Even if it’s extremely difficult to cut ties with your ex, do it if it means you can prosper and be happy again in the future.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be thought-provoking. I’d love to hear your tips on how to maintain a healthy boundary with your ex who is now a friend.