When people start to feel alone in a relationship, it marks the beginning of the end. Typically, loneliness in a relationship is a symptom of a larger problem. The solution is to figure out the root cause. So, in today’s article, I’m going to give a definitive answer to why you feel lonely in your relationship.
The main reason why you feel lonely in your relationship is because your needs are not being met, you’ve grown apart or changed too much, your partner is not making you feel like a priority or they have disconnected from you for some reason or another.
Ignoring the issue won’t fix it nor will overcompensation.
There have been times when I felt alone in a relationship.
Instead of examining the issue objectively, I tried to overcompensate by doing more to connect with my partner.
Additionally, I tried to convince myself that it was all in my head.
In reality, a wedge was being stuck between us and it continued to grow.
Looking back, my only regret was not expressing my feelings sooner.
What we all crave is to be heard and understood. It makes us feel less lonely in this world.
It just follows that if you were to express yourself, the validation of having your feelings heard and acknowledged would start repairing the gap between you and your partner.
Getting through feelings of loneliness requires intense communication for a significant period of time.
But, before you drop this bombshell on your partner, be certain that you take the time to figure out what you need from him or her to feel less lonely.
Don’t handicap your partner by not taking the time to understand your own needs.
Once you have pinpointed exactly what you need from the relationship, express it clearly and compassionately.
There’s no need to turn this issue into a fight.
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At the same time, prepare yourself for the possibility that your partner may lash out or withdraw for a while due to fear, anxiety and uncertainty.
Letting them know that you are committed to working on the relationship would go a long way in shifting them out of fight or flight and into a space of healing with you.
You need to read this article: How to have a healthy relationship that lasts a lifetime
Reasons Why You Feel Lonely In Your Relationship
1. Your needs are not being met
People’s needs differ.
That’s a fact.
What you need from a relationship may even change in time.
This is why it’s important to schedule regular conversations to determine whether you’re both happy and feeling loved.
Communication is key to fixing loneliness issues in a relationship.
When your needs are not being met, it’s either because you haven’t expressed your need appropriately or your partner is no longer making an effort to satisfy those needs.
In the case of the former, you have control over the situation.
If you were so willing, having a conversation about your needs today could get your relationship back on track.
In the case of the latter, a conversation may help but ultimately, it’s up to your partner to show up.
You could help them by expressing your needs clearly.
I know that a lot of women feel like men should pay enough attention to figure it out for themselves.
But, you could make life easier for him and for you by simply giving him a heads-up of what would make you feel loved and connected.
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2. You’ve outgrown each other
In life, you are either growing or dying. Stagnancy is nothing more than a myth.
What successful couples prioritize is mutual growth.
In other words, they grow as individuals alongside each other.
At the same time, they set goals for the relationship that can be worked on. The accomplishments of these goals result in relationship maturity and growth.
It’s a fantastic way to grow closer to each other while developing a deeper understanding of the relationship you are building together.
This process is an active one that requires both parties to a relationship to show up.
When people prioritize individual growth at the expense of their relationship or without working on their bond, they grow apart.
It’s possible that this has happened to you.
Perhaps the things that once connected you to each other are no longer emotionally driving the connection.
To remedy this, it is advisable to seek out couple counseling and set goals that bring you closer to each other.
3. One or both of you have changed too much
Some people may argue that growth and change are the same thing but I beg to differ.
Change does not necessarily have a net positive on growth.
If anything, people are capable of changing for the worst, depending on their habits, circle of friends, addictions and/or intentions.
Perhaps, you’ve changed for the worse or your partner has changed for the worse.
Naturally, it’s going to cause a loss of connection, rapport and closeness.
You would have to exercise extreme honesty with yourself and your partner to figure out who has changed for the better or for the worse.
It won’t be easy but it may be the saving grace you were looking for.
4. Your partner doesn’t make you feel like a priority
Up until now, we’ve focused on reasons that are more complex and deeply rooted with the way in which your relationship operates or functions.
But, in reality, the main reason why you feel lonely in your relationship is because you are alone.
Perhaps, your partner isn’t showing up for you. Whether they’re too busy with work or other commitments, it doesn’t negate the need for time spent together.
It’s a sad fact that some people neglect their partner’s once they enter into a relationship.
What they fail to realize is that a relationship requires nurturing, just as the courtship did.
The things you did during the courtship are often the things you need to do during the relationship.
Laziness or complacency clouds their judgment.
The result of which is loneliness in your relationship.
At the end of the day, you deserve to be a priority to your partner.
It’s not unreasonable to require quality time together to feel loved and happy in your relationship.
You can’t enjoy a companionship without a companion.
Make your partner aware of this.
Perhaps, it’s a passing phase caused by overwhelming deadlines at work or university.
Things will return to normal as soon as life returns to normal.
If it’s not a phase, bring it up with your partner and find ways to spend more quality time together.
Encourage your partner to adopt a no-phone policy when you’re around each other so that they two of you can connect with each other more deeply.
If you’re in a long distance relationship, schedule a video call date at least once a week.
Simple adjustments can make a world of a difference.
You need to read this article: Should you talk to your boyfriend everyday
5. Your partner has disconnected from you
Trust me when I say that I understand how busy life can get. With a grueling workload and tons of responsibility, it doesn’t surprise me that couples disconnect from each other when they’re neck deep in all these demands.
The two of you stop courting each other, stop having conversations with each other about the relationship and neglect having fun with each other.
It’s only a matter of time before a gap forms that grows with time.
Naturally, this gap is going to hinder the connection you share with each other.
You’re going to feel disconnected from his or her life and vice versa.
This can lead to loneliness in a relationship.
For this reason, it’s important to make an effort to involve each other in your decisions and your life.
Make it a daily objective to check in and update each other on what’s been going on.
Little messages of love and adoration can go a long way in bridging the gap caused by a busy life.
6. Your partner is being disloyal
It’s not always the case but there are instances when infidelity is a problem and one of the signs for it is loneliness within the relationship.
When your partner is not turning to you for all the normal interactions expected from a relationship, you can’t help but ask yourself whether they’re getting it from someone else?
In fact, distance and ambiguity are associated with the behavior of a cheater.
If you find that your partner is secretive, makes excuses for not being able to spend time with you, always on their phone and flakey about the future, infidelity may be an issue in your relationship.
Naturally, you’re going to feel alone in your relationship because you’re the only one who is truly committing to the bond and sanctity of the relationship.
You need to read this article: How being cheated on changes you
7. You’re not being yourself
All the time, I caution men against using tactics to get a girlfriend because she’s going to fall in love with what you portray during the courtship.
And if you’re not being authentic, it’s going to come back around and bite you.
That’s what happens.
You can’t keep the charade or facade going for too long.
Even if you can, it leaves you with an empty feeling in your gut because you’re not being loved and appreciated for who you really are.
That’s not your partner’s fault, especially in this case.
Unfortunately, it’s yours.
Being incongruent with who you are to appease your partner is a pointless endeavor because you won’t find peace or contentment in the relationship.
If anything, you’re going to feel lonely in your relationship.
Trust me, it’s okay to be yourself.
You have every right to like or dislike something, to have boundaries and to have opinions. That’s what it means to be an individual.
If your partner truly loves you, they’ll accept and value your preferences, boundaries and opinions.
But, you have to be willing to own your identity and wear it with pride.
Until then, you’re going to feel lonely.
You’re also doing a disservice to your partner by not being true to who you are. They deserve a complete individual as a partner.
For the sake of your happiness and for the sake of your relationship, be authentic and express yourself.
How To Fix Loneliness In A Relationship
Let’s clear something up, all feelings are temporary provided that they are addressed.
In other words, you cannot suppress or escape the feeling of loneliness.
Instead, you have to express it and then let it pass through you while in the company of your partner.
And that brings us to the next step to remedying loneliness in a relationship.
You have to designate more quality time for each other.
Whether this involves one-on-one time in person, more dates, more calls or regular texting, you have to add more quality time and presence to the relationship.
As you communicate with each other and spend more time together, you’ll feel closer to each other.
But, what you don’t want to do is cling to each other.
Find a right balance of time spent together and time spent apart.
By doing this, you’ll connect and love each other when together and you’ll miss each other when apart.
This will improve your overall desire for and happiness with your relationship.
Sure, it takes time and there’s some uncomfortable conversations that may need to be had.
But, you can get through this.
The only reason for loneliness in a relationship that may be too difficult to overcome is infidelity.
For me and for many people out there, infidelity is a deal breaker.
Find out the truth to the best of your ability and then make a decision that is best for you.
Other than infidelity, I’m pretty sure that you can work through every other thing that was mentioned in this article.
You can grow back in love with each other, you can change for the better and you can connect more regularly.
These things can be done with good intentions, ongoing work and healthy experiences together.
Start with a date and work together to remedy this issue.
If you can get through this as a couple, you’ll develop the necessary skills needed to maintain a long term relationship.
Final Thoughts
I hope that you have a good idea of why you feel lonely in your relationship after reading through this article.
Sure, it’s not a good situation to be in but figuring out the reason can be the first and most crucial step to reconciling and saving your relationship.
When two people are committed to working on themselves and their relationship, it’s easy to overcome most obstacles.
All you need is commitment, honesty and good intentions.
That brings us to the end of this article on why you feel lonely in your relationship. If you would like my help in working through this issue, feel free to check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package. I wish you all the best in your relationship and in life.