If you’ve been struggling to move on after a breakup and can’t figure out why you can’t get over your ex, then you’re in the right place because I’ve walked in those shoes before. I got through it and now I’ve completely moved on with my life.
Chances are, you haven’t taken the necessary steps to get over your ex like cutting all contact, removing reminders of him or her, spending time alone, facing your feelings and making new memories.
With that being said, here’s a deeper look into all the reasons for why you can’t get over your ex.
1. You haven’t cut all contact with your ex
The most crucial step to moving on after a breakup is to cut all contact. It’s one of the hardest things to do but the most important because it removes the possibility of opening wounds that start healing.
Healing from a breakup does take time and effort.
It feels like mourning a living person and wanting to reach out but knowing it’s pointless.
You can only move onto the next chapter by closing the current one. Closure often dictates breaking all contact for the foreseeable future or until you’ve completely moved on.
2. You check on his or her social media
On the topic of opening old wounds, this is the quickest way to upset yourself over a breakup.
More often than not, social media is an inaccurate picture of someone’s life.
There is truth to what is posted but it’s highlighted in a larger than life manner.
By viewing your ex’s social media accounts, not only are you reminding yourself of memories that make you feel sad and upset but you risk seeing things that would break you down – such as him or her flirting with other people.
It’s bound to happen.
Witnessing it can do far too much damage to your heart and mind, especially fresh off a breakup.
3. You haven’t given yourself enough time to get over your ex
Time heals all wounds. I truly believe that. As much as something hurts you right now, it won’t hurt as much in the future.
We aren’t designed to feel one type of emotion indefinitely. What goes up, must come down. And what goes down, must come up provided you put in the work.
There’s no fixed period upon which you can get over your ex. Despite what all these 30-day gurus claim, healing from a breakup is erratic.
It could happen in a few months or a few years. But it will happen. You just need to experience enough change over an extended period of time to give you new things to focus on.
When your new norm becomes a life without your ex, that’s when you’ve gotten over the last rough patch.
4. You’re avoiding the need to be alone
When one thing ends, another thing begins. But, what many of us don’t realize is that there’s a phase in the middle known as the transition.
During this phase, you are required to be alone.
Why? Because it’s the only time you have to mourn and move on without any expectation from others.
It is during those moments of silences and lonesomeness that we make huge leaps emotionally and psychologically. We come face to face with the things that we want to run away from.
But you can’t do that if you’re never alone.
When you’re alone, the only thing you have to focus on is the baggage on your shoulders. Deal with it and you’ll come out of this breakup a stronger and better person.
5. You haven’t met new people
After a certain period of time, you have to complete the transition by meeting new people.
It’s healthy to be alone but only for a certain period of time.
Thereafter, you have to put yourself out there to meet others. This doesn’t necessitate meeting people in a romantic context.
As much as I recommend doing that, you could meet new people with the intention of being friends.
Chances are, you’ll have some feelings of love to give to someone. If not to another partner, then it’s more than okay to send love to your friends and family, new and old.
Step out of your comfort zone and start meeting new people.
Whether that means speaking to new people at social settings or joining a dating app. Good or bad experiences aside, the whole point is to have experienced something new.
6. You haven’t met anyone who has knocked your socks off
If you have tried dating, then the only other reason why you can’t get over your ex is because you haven’t met anyone you like more.
Here’s the thing though – have you actually thought about the kind of person you’re looking for now?
Trust me, after a breakup, you’ll find that your taste in a potential partner is more refined.
You may not even be aware of it until you meet someone who ticks the usual boxes but they do nothing for you emotionally.
It’s not that your ex was completely one of a kind, it’s that what you like has changed.
Now you have to sit down and really consider what you want from a partner. More importantly, you have to meet as many new people as you possibly can.
That’s another way of figuring out the type of person you really want as a partner.
There’s a level of effort that goes into doing this.
It may take a lot of time and effort but by the time you meet your next partner, chances are, it could turn out to be the best relationship you will ever have.
7. You keep talking about your ex or the breakup
If you look at the past for too long, chances are, you’ll remain stuck in the past. That’s the scariest thing about nostalgia. It’s a drug that makes you addicted to what has gone.
Talking about your ex or the breakup to your friends and family only keeps you tied to those feelings and memories.
At a certain point,you have to stop. If your mind goes there, rather than act on it, acknowledge the thought and move on from it.
The more you feed something, the larger it grows.
8. You’re holding onto resentment, anger or regret
It’s a strange thing to witness because I have immersed myself in self development for the last decade.
My approach to hardship and trauma is to learn something from it. Search for the good. Find the silver lining.
But I have friends who, for any number of reasons, take a different approach. Rather than find growth, they discover a world of resentment, anger and/or regret.
Rather than refine their approach to dating or the type of person they want, their mindset shifts to assuming all women or men are bad and toxic.
Someone they once adored now becomes this figure of everything wrong with the world.
And often that person did nothing bad, so to speak. The relationship just didn’t work out but these individuals have created this narrative of darkness.
Whatever the reason may be, if you’re this kind of person, please take some time to reevaluate.
This way of thinking is unhealthy for you. You will never be able to get over your ex by carrying this baggage.
It will prevent any sort of romantic happiness in your life because romance cannot thrive in a toxic setting.
You just have to let it all go. I can’t speak for how you can do that. I think the journey is different for each individual. But the intention to let it go and heal must exist.
You will get over your ex
It really is only a matter of time. I understand that, depending on the circumstances, this could take a different form altogether.
Getting over your ex could mean that they don’t even cross your mind anymore.
In other instances, it could mean that you have made peace with the past and the thought of your ex doesn’t make you weak or hurt.
Either way, it will get to that point. You will heal and get over your ex.
Hang in there.
Follow the advice mentioned above and I swear that it will make a difference.
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