Why Won’t He Let Me Pay For Anything?

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So let’s assume that you’re dating or in a relationship with a guy who can’t help but pay for everything. Despite your many attempts, he prevents you from spending any money on him.

It can be frustrating to someone from this generation because we live in a time when equal contribution is considered to be the best approach to dating.

All of this has probably left you confused as to why won’t he let you pay for anything.

It could be a number of good reasons such as he cares about you and wants to be a provider. Alternatively, he doesn’t know any better or worst-case scenario, it’s his way of controlling you.

Whatever it may be, the first step to understanding and overcoming this situation is to explore all the possible reasons for why he won’t let you pay for anything.

Once you are able to ascertain the reason, you can approach the situation appropriately.

My hope is that by the end of this article, you won’t have to be asking yourself why won’t he let me pay for anything.

1. He wants to provide for you because it’s his love language

Some men are not very vocal or physical when it comes to expressing affection and admiration.

Which brings us to the next possible conclusion – he provides as a means of expressing love.

Granted, financial provision is not the most ideal form of communicating love but we would be amiss not to factor it in. Reality is such that some men embrace the age-old role of the hunter/provider.

The will pay for the first date and every date that follows. That’s how they’re wired by default.

Rather than automatically assume that he refuses to let you pay for anything as a means of exerting his control or dominance in the relationship, we can entertain the very likely possibility that he feels good to provide something for you.

2. He’s kind and thoughtful

Some people are just kindhearted and thoughtful beyond measure.

And we may not entirely understand it because the average person exercises a level of control with respect to generosity.

I’d be lying if I said that it hasn’t made me feel threatened and uncomfortable at times.


Because it places this unwarranted expectation on me to match my partner’s level of generosity.

Thing is, they don’t expect the same in return.

That’s what I find truly remarkable about someone who is kind and thoughtful without a responding expectation.

They will provide without limitation and not expect the same level of provision. Their happiness and personal fulfillment comes from adding to the lives of those whom they love.

To me, that’s is breathtakingly beautiful. Which then motivates me to act in kind because I want to adopt such a healthy and wholesome mindset.

If that’s the kind of man you’re dealing with, then consider yourself to be lucky.

3. His culture dictates that he pays for you

I don’t naturally stem from a European or American background and my culture to this day, places an expectation on men to pay for their women.

It’s a duty.

We have an obligation to take care of our women with the money we earn whereas the women don’t have to do the same.

Of course, pop media and Americanization has touched most of the world and that influence has created a change in different cultures.

Now you may find more and more people dividing bills and cost of living equally. I totally support this movement. But I would be foolish not to share this cultural difference with you.

Bare that in mind if the man you’re with has a different cultural background or upbringing than the men you’ve dated up until now.

It’s more than possible that he doesn’t let you pay for anything out of habit.

4. He’s old fashioned

Flashback to the ’70s or ’80s and it was still a general norm that men were the financial providers.

Chivalry dictated that men take care of their women.

Depending on his upbringing and male influences, his way of thinking could be grounded in the code of chivalry that existed back in the old days.

Being old fashioned can be a good thing, provided that he can fully comprehend your ability to take care of yourself.

If he insists on paying because it’s the gentlemen thing to do, then you’re dealing with a man who lives by a code and that is attractive, especially long term.

5. He could be controlling

Unfortunately, not all outcomes are positive. This man you’re with could possess unhealthy traits that could easily be viewed positively during the early phase of a relationship.

He could be restricting you from paying for anything as a means of controlling you and the dynamic of the relationship.

In an attempt to make you beholden to him, he pays for everything.

When this becomes apparent is during a situation of conflict – he may bring up or use the fact that he pays for everything to guilt you into doing what he wants.

If this has happened on more than one occasion, you ought to be wary of the situation and take note of it because the relationship can become unhealthy.

6. He doesn’t know any better

You’d be surprised at how many men are clueless about dating and relationships.

They may have no problem hitting on you but when it comes to considering the finer details of courtship, it flies straight over their head.

In such an instance, the only thing you can really do is help him understand why you would like to pay for things in the future.

If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this – explain it to us as clearly as you possibly can.

7. He’s arrogant or superficial

Some men believe they can buy the love of a woman by showing off their wealth.

They project their own belief system onto others. So because he can be bought, he believes others can too.

A show of money to men of this nature is a display of power and status.

Perhaps this approach works on a specific type of women but if you don’t fall into that category, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is off-putting to you.

Confidence is sexy and arrogance is a turn off.

The telltale signs of an arrogant man are if he flaunts his wealth in the face of others, has no respect for those who aren’t on his financial level and believes money is the most lucrative currency in the world.

A good man will compromise after a conversation

If the reason why he won’t let you pay for anything is out of respect, habit, love and adoration, then you have nothing to worry about.

Simply explaining to him why you would like to pay for stuff is an instant fix to the situation.

And if he falls into the category of a controlling or arrogant man, well then you have to gage to what extent he is controlling or arrogant.

If it appears to you that he is beyond compromise, well then you should reconsider whether this is the type of man for you.

My hope is that this article has provided you with clarity on the situation so that you can be informed and at ease.

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

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