Let me guess, you’re sitting on your phone right now feeling confused and upset trying to figure out the answer to the following question, why is my girlfriend so nasty to me?
The most common reasons why your girlfriend is so nasty to you is because she’s probably feeling unloved or unheard, she’s projecting her feelings of anger onto you, she’s feeling hurt by something that you have done or she doesn’t respect you.
It’s weird to transition from loving and affectionate to cold and nasty.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re overwhelmed with stress and the fear of losing your relationship. I would be and I’ve been in your situation as well.
You may try to ignore it or try to overcompensate by being extra loving and understanding but this probably doesn’t fix the problem, right?
If it did, you wouldn’t be reading this article right now.
Thankfully, we can get to the bottom of this problem by exploring all the possible reasons why your girlfriend is so nasty to you and we can talk about how to deal with this issue.
Related post: What to do when a woman goes cold on you
Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Is So Nasty To You
She feels unloved
Lately, I’ve been reading a book on the five love languages and I find it incredibly interesting how different people require different forms of love to feel content.
To you, it may seem as if what you’re doing is enough but if it doesn’t connect with your partner’s love language, this may lead to feelings of distance and unhappiness.
It’s possible that she may not even understand her own love language and this is making her really frustrated because she doesn’t want to feel this way and she’s being nasty to you because of it.
This isn’t your fault unless, of course, you haven’t made an effort to be loving and affectionate.
This is why I encourage couples to do a check-in with each other every couple of weeks to make sure that both parties are having their needs met.
A healthy conversation explaining what she needs from you can shed some light on the issue. The other half of the fix requires effort from you in the manner that she needs. If you can do that, I’m willing to bet that her nastiness will end.
I just want to emphasize that I’m not someone who advocates for rewarding a woman who is treating her boyfriend pathetically. But, I also know that it can be toxic and worse to match her energy with similar behavior.
Sometimes, not allowing someone to get under your skin causes them to stop behaving that way rather than reacting to it impulsively.
She feels unheard
If you observe children, you’ll notice a pattern between those who feel overlooked and ignored for whatever reason.
They’ll make a few attempts to get noticed at first but if that goes unacknowledged, they adopt a more vocal, harsher and louder approach.
Suddenly, they start lashing out, screaming, being mean, insulting and rude. In other words, their entire demeanor turns nasty.
And yet, in this case, it all stems from a desire to feel seen and heard.
Ironically, we tend to carry this behavior into our adulthood. When our emotions flare up, we resort to these old habits and your girlfriend may be exhibiting this nasty demeanor as a way to get your attention.
Perhaps, you’re closed off and too nonchalant and only reactive when she’s nasty to you.
So, to get a rise out of you in an attempt to get your attention and feel like you care about her, she acts nasty to you.
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She’s projecting her feelings onto you
Misery loves company. As much as it’s not our intention to make those around us feel bad like we do, it’s also a coping mechanism because we don’t want to feel alone in this phase of suffering.
Something could have happened at work, with her friends, with her family or some stranger that has put her into a nasty mood.
If you show up in a jovial and carefree mood while she’s in this bubble of misery, it’s going to tick her off.
It’s not that she wants you to be upset. She wants you to understand and she wants to feel like she’s not alone in this terrible mood.
So, she’ll be nasty to you until you’re feeling the same or behaving in the same way.
She’s lashing out because she feels hurt
If you don’t pay attention or take into consideration the type of person you’re dating, it’s fairly easy to do something that makes them feel utterly upset with you.
The problem is that some people respond to being hurt with anger.
I was having a conversation with my therapist recently and she mentioned to me that anger is often a result of feeling hurt, overlooked, wronged or abandoned.
To you, it may seem like she is lashing out unnecessarily and coming across like a jerk but in reality, this is just a byproduct of her feeling hurt by something.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not condone behavior like this and I think it leads to toxic relationships if left unaddressed.
But, lashing out and being nasty to you can absolutely stem from feelings of pain and suffering within her.
Related post: How to win a woman back after hurting her
She doesn’t respect you
I think we can all agree that respect is a prerequisite for a healthy and loving relationship.
But, understanding what respect looks like can be quite tricky, especially when you are desperate for validation, easily manipulated or battle with low self-esteem.
A woman who respects you as a man and as her partner will talk to you kindly, honestly and as an equal.
She will not degrade you or be insulting to you. She’ll consider your feelings and you’ll find that she has your back at all times.
Unfortunately, a woman who doesn’t respect you will be rude, insulting, inconsiderate and even disloyal.
When you try to stand up for yourself, she meets you with a nasty attitude or gaslighting.
All of this points to disrespect and unless you are willing to walk away and permanently put your foot down, she’ll continue to be nasty to you.
Related post: Should you be ignoring her when she goes cold?
What To Do When She’s Nasty To You
The first and most important step in conflict resolution is identifying that there is a problem. You’ve done that and we’ve discussed all the possible reasons why your girlfriend is so nasty to you.
But, speculation will only get you so far. It’s best to address the issue directly with your girlfriend instead of beating around the bush.
What you want to do is bring up the topic of her being nasty to you without picking a fight.
Here’s an example of what I would say in this situation at this point in my life.
“Hey, I noticed that you’ve been a bit nasty to me lately. I want to find out what’s going on. Have I done something to upset you? I’m not looking to fight but I’d like to know what’s wrong because I’m not happy with how you’ve been treating me.“
I know that this may frighten you but disrespect in a relationship leads to the collapse of it. Nobody is going to respect you unless you are willing to respect yourself enough to stand up for what’s right.
It’s not right to be treated poorly by someone who is your partner without even knowing what’s wrong.
So, have a conversation with her about it while letting her know that you’re not going to walk on eggshells around her or let her treat you in this manner.
Thereafter, if she explains what’s the issue, make a genuine attempt to do better or make amends. You can’t cry about her being nasty to you when you’ve done something terrible and broken her trust or hurt her deeply.
Make things right and put your best foot forward.
Thereafter, observe her behavior. If she treats you well, then that’s great. If she doesn’t and continues to be so nasty to you, call her out on it again.
If you’re met with more hostility and rudeness, then it’s time for you to walk away from her temporarily.
“I’m not going to tolerate such disrespectful behavior from you when I’ve made countless attempts at working on this. Give me a call when you’re ready to treat me with some decency and respect.“
Then wait for her to initiate contact.
This may seem like a drastic step but when you’ve made many attempts to work on things and she isn’t being receptive, then you have no choice but to do this or deal with a girlfriend who treats you like garbage.
More often than not, she’ll contact you again and apologize for treating you like that.
More importantly, she’ll respect you for it.
Dealing with a girlfriend who is being nasty to you can be disheartening and extremely stressful. A healthy relationship should bring you a sense of peace and comfort.
This is why it’s important for you to address this issue sooner rather than later.
Trust me when I tell you that communication is always the key to any relationship.
Try talking to her about this without getting into a fight. The aim is to understand what’s causing her to behave this way and then decide on how you want to proceed with this.
As much as you want to make your relationship work, be prepared to also face the possibility that you are with someone who has now displayed a red flag that disqualifies her from your life.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on why is my girlfriend so nasty to me to be insightful and easy to understand. If you have any questions or thoughts on this topic that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.