After a breakup, we freakout at the idea that our ex will never be a part of our life again. We assume that once they leave, it’s the end and they will forget us. That’s not the case. What you’ll find is that your ex not only remembers you but may even come back. You may be wondering, why is my ex checking up on me?
The common reasons why your ex is checking up on you is because they’re curious about how you’re doing, they miss you, they’re feeling lonely, they’re feeling nostalgic, they’re jealous or they want an ego boost.
Trust me when I tell you that I understand how confused and excited you feel about this.
It can either cause you a great deal of anxiety or it can stir up feelings of hope and desire for reconciliation.
But, I caution you against getting wrapped up in these emotions because they can hinder your ability to think rationally and to analyze the situation accurately.
Just because your ex is checking up on you doesn’t mean that they’re a viable candidate for reconciliation or for you to break no contact.
You have to be extremely patient and protective of your well being.
The last thing you want is to undo the progress you’ve made to heal after the breakup.
Be that as it may, I think it will be incredibly beneficial if we discuss in detail all the reasons why your ex is checking up on you so that it’s easier for you to decide on how to handle this situation.
Related post: How to cope with a broken heart
1. They’re curious about how you’re doing
If you spent any significant amount of time with someone and shared a romantic connection, the chances of you ever forgetting that person is slim to none.
Accepting the end of a relationship and letting go of them is different from forgetting them.
There’s a strong possibility that your ex, despite accepting the breakup and letting go of you, still thinks about you and cares a little about your existence.
Since you cross their mind, they can’t help but be curious which is why your ex is checking up on you.
They want to know how life turned out for you after the split.
They want to make sure you’re okay.
Perhaps they want to relish in the idea that you’re not okay if things went poorly between the two of you.
Unless they reach out to you directly, I wouldn’t read too much into them asking others about you.
And if you’re in no contact, I would not advise you to break it unless they reach out with a sincere and genuine interest in talking to you about meeting up or reconnecting.
Sometimes, curiosity can be the first step your ex takes down a path of rediscovering their feelings for you and to be with you.
Related post: Does no contact work if you were just dating?
2. They miss you
If you think it’s difficult to ignore thoughts about your ex, try ignoring your feelings and see how that turns out.
It’s a recipe for disaster.
You can’t run away from your own thoughts and feelings.
The more you try, the longer they persist.
It can take any amount of time to let go of those feelings and eventually those thoughts of your ex.
Even if your ex is the one to initiate the breakup, it’s highly possible that their residual feelings for you are reignited because of the breakup.
This happens due to distance, fear of loss, time apart, nostalgia and maturity.
We gain new perspectives through experience and time apart or together.
For these reasons, your ex is checking up on you because they miss you and those feelings of attachment still persist.
Related post: When does the dumper start missing the dumpee?
3. They’re feeling lonely
One of the hardest parts about a breakup is the amount of time you will now spend alone.
But it’s not just that, there’s also this lingering sense of loneliness even when you’re with people because it feels like your person, your partner, is no longer a part of your life.
Some people are better equipped with handling the loss of a relationship while others struggle, especially those who are noticeably more sensitive and sentimental.
When I think about the times I’ve broken up with someone or been broken up with, I still struggle with the feelings of loss.
It didn’t matter if I ended the relationship all that much. Eventually, I felt the loss and I struggled with loneliness.
You cannot substitute one person in place of another.
I wish more people realized this when navigating a breakup.
Even if you choose to rebound, you’re not going to magically erase the attachment and feelings you have for your ex.
You’ll be in a relationship and yet you’ll continue to feel lonely because your attachment is firmly grounded to someone who is not in your life right now.
This could certainly be one of the reasons why your ex is checking up on you.
The grass is not always greener on the other side and people quickly realize that after a breakup, unless their ex was trash or a poorly compatible partner.
Now that your ex is single and possibly dealing with low quality people, I wouldn’t be surprised if he or she is feeling lonely.
Related post: She wants to be friends after dumping me
4. They’re feeling nostalgic
If you do a quick search of nostalgia on Google, what you’ll find is that it’s described as a feeling of longing and desire for a period in the past.
I’ve examined this feeling within myself and noticed that I become nostalgic when I experience a reminder of someone or something that I no longer have in my life or when I’m sad, lonely or upset and longing for happiness.
My mind tends to go back to the last time I was happy and that can be associated with a past relationship or partner.
But, I’ve also noticed that most people struggle with looking too much at the past or the future.
Being grounded in the present moment happens to be one of the main goals of meditation and mindfulness because it frees you up to enjoy and appreciate what you have instead of long for what is lost or what isn’t yours as yet.
The problem with nostalgia is that it’s coated with the glow of desire and longing. This is not an accurate representation of the past.
If right now, you felt poorly but in a few weeks, something really bad happens or you feel the worst you’ve felt in months, you’ll look back on today and be nostalgic to the point of missing it.
This is why nostalgia can be so misleading.
I understand that I went off on a tangent but it’s possible that despite your ex ending the relationship or even being upset with you when he or she did, they could be nostalgic right now and those negative feelings have dissipated somewhat.
Thus, they’re checking up on you because they feel some degree of longing and desire based on their current recollection of the past and the feelings associated with it.
5. They’re jealous
Jealousy can be such a nasty emotion because it can trigger behavior that has unnecessary ramifications on others.
Whether your ex ended the relationship or not, they’re not immune to jealousy.
I’ve seen many dumpers turn almost obsessive and ugly with jealousy over the fact that their ex has now moved on with someone else or is happy in life without them.
This can be triggered by a lack of happiness or prospective partners available to your ex.
Like I’ve said above, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
If you’re not careful with someone’s love, you may never get it back from them.
And that can turn someone green with jealousy when they watch their ex move on to give that love to someone else.
6. They want to get an ego boost
On the flip side to jealousy, there’s a sense of egoistic desire that can take center stage in the mind of your ex.
By checking up on your, it’s possible that your ex wants to feel like you’re struggling without them.
They want to feel like the role they played in your life was irreplaceable and that you cannot let go of them.
It’s not really about seeing you in pain. It is about providing a boost to their ego in a way that vindicates their own self image.
I feel like this is something that shows up in people who generally derive their sense of self worth from the validation of others.
This always leads you down a path of comparison and competition. You end up with this unwavering desire to be better than someone else in your line of eye sight.
It’s incredibly toxic for both your ex and the people in their life who are subjected to this trait.
It just so happens that you are in the firing line right now which is why your ex is checking up on you.
He or she wants to get their ego stroked by knowing that your life is a mess without them.
Alternatively, they want to know how desperately you want them back which will serve the same purpose.
This is one of the reasons why an ex who dumped you will breadcrumb you.
They’ll show up and have a surface level conversation and once you start getting into it, they distance themselves from you all over again.
Related post: My ex texted me after a week of no contact
I am aware that learning of an ex checking up on you can either be exciting or upsetting depending on the circumstances of your case.
But, in both scenarios, I would advise you to not act impulsively or irrationally.
What you must consider is how you feel and what your goals are.
Nobody gets to escape the painful path that proceeds a breakup.
It is a road commonly traveled that amounts to a great deal of growth as you navigate it but not without suffering.
Please consider this before choosing to break no contact or before you allow an ex to enter your life again.
Do not sabotage your own growth and recovery when there is little to be gained.
It is imperative that you prioritize yourself now and only make a decision based on mental clarity rather than only emotion.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on “why is my ex checking up on me” to be eye-opening and a source of value. If you have any questions or thoughts on this topic that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.