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Not many things cause as much anxiety, uncertainty, confusion and frustration as someone you love suddenly ignoring you. And yet, it happens. Everything could be going perfectly until one day, you wake up and he doesn’t reply to any of your messages. Why is he ignoring me all of a sudden? That question will repeatedly play on your mind until you find some kind of answer.
From all my experience, research, consults and interviews, I’ve been able to find a list of reasons why he suddenly ignores you.
Some of the items on this list are going to surprise you because it seems so counterintuitive and unexpected.
But, that is the nature of the game and it’s important that you examine each and every possibility so that you are best equipped to make the right decisions moving forward.
You need to read this article: 10 Reasons for exes to block you
Reasons Why He Is Ignoring You Suddenly
1. He lost interest in you
Unfortunately, interest is not fixed. It can be nurtured or it can be lost completely.
This was a difficult concept for me to grasp because I assumed that someone who was once interested in me will always be interested.
But, that’s clearly untrue.
Someone who doesn’t know you well enough may be interested in the idea of you. In other words, he’s interested in the mystery of you and who you could be based on what he wants for himself.
If who you are as a person doesn’t match that fantasy or idea, the natural result is a loss of interest.
That’s not your fault unless you behaved in a manner that is unanimously considered unattractive and disrespectful.
I’ve seen stunning and smart people ruin potential relationships because they lacked self-awareness and could not self-regulate their own behavior.
Examine your words and behavior before he ignored you.
- Were you behaving in an unattractive or desperate manner?
- Were you chasing him?
- Were you being too forthcoming with information too quickly?
Men like a challenge.
And I’ve noticed that there’s a sweet spot between pursuing a man and chasing him desperately.
To pursue means to reach out, to be interested in him, to create opportunities for him to ask you out and so forth.
To chase means to constantly reach out even when he barely replies, to ask him out even when he hasn’t made an effort to meet you, and to express feelings of love even when he hasn’t shown any signs of feeling the same way.
I view courtship as a dance.
You can neither move too fast nor too slow. The appropriate speed and moves require you to go with the flow.
Yes, it’s more than possible to influence the dance but never to the point that you are completely out of sync with the other person.
I always advise people to match and mirror effort.
Now that he’s ignoring you for no apparent reason other than losing interest, it doesn’t make sense for you to chase after him.
If you want to take a shot at communicating with him, do it once.
After that, don’t keep reaching out if you haven’t done anything to upset him, hurt him or disrespect him.
Match and mirror him.
You need to read this article: 13 Signs your boyfriend is losing interest through text
2. He’s angry with you
When I was younger, I’d communicate it immediately or be extremely reactive.
When I was in my early 20s, I would distance myself from anger because I felt like it would make me a bad person to be angry.
Nowadays, I’m responsive to anger but I take some time to figure out how I want to respond.
I would not stop communicating when I was younger and experiencing anger.
However, as I’ve gotten older, it takes me a while to express that anger. More importantly, I cannot move on from an issue unless I have been able to explain how something has angered me.
By explaining my behavior, I’m trying to illustrate how someone can deal with anger in many different ways.
It’s possible that you have angered him and his natural reaction or response is to ignore you.
Either he’s ignoring you until he has cooled down or he’s ignoring you until you apologize to him.
Some people choose to weaponize silence as a means of expressing their anger in order to hurt you or anger you.
The best way to de-escalate an angry person is by validating how they feel and apologize if you have done something wrong or insensitive.
Eventually, he’s going to cool down and reply to you if the reason why he’s ignoring you is because you angered him.
Alternatively, if you apologize for whatever it is that angered him, then he’ll reply to you because you’ve acknowledged and disarmed his feelings of anger.
You need to read this article: What does it mean if my ex ignores me but doesn’t block me?
3. You disrespected him
Disrespect is unacceptable in any relationship and some people are more forgiving than others.
When I was younger, I would accommodate too much disrespect but as I’ve matured, I find myself drifting away from people who are actively and intentionally disrespectful.
Personally, I feel like ignoring you all of a sudden is a little immature or passive-aggressive of him.
But, I understand that he needs some time to cool down and get over his feelings of disrespect before communicating with you again.
I’d like to think that most people don’t walk around the world being disrespectful to others but it doesn’t mean that we can completely avoid saying or doing things that may come across as disrespectful.
We may not even be aware of how our behavior and words may have been disrespectful which is why it’s important to surround yourself with people who are willing to express themselves and explain their feelings to you.
Being given the opportunity to remedy disrespectful behavior that was unintentional is essential for any relationship to last a long time.
Reflect on what could have set him off and if you are unsure, bring it up.
The only to way genuinely reconcile after disrespecting a man is to apologize genuinely.
A real genuine apology acknowledges how someone feels, takes ownership of your behavior and expresses true remorse with an intention to make things right in the future.
You need to read this article: We haven’t talked in a week after fighting
4. He met someone else
Unfortunately, we live in a time when someone can suddenly ghost you without any explanation only for you to later find out that they met someone else.
In fact, they could have been in communication with someone else the entire time and suddenly decided to pursue something with them instead of you.
It hurts and it sucks to be in this position but most people go through this and you have to prepare yourself for the possibility of it happening to you.
Unless he has made it clear to you that he’s only interested in pursuing something romantic with you right now and there’s nobody else in the picture, assume that he is talking to other people.
If he starts ignoring you all of a sudden for someone else, then that should be a clear sign that he isn’t the one for you.
I belong to the group of people who believe that when two people are right for each other, things will flow easily and they’ll naturally gravitate toward each other.
You wouldn’t have to constantly be competing for their attention and affection.
Keep an eye out on his behavior online.
If you find that there’s someone who is liking all his social media updates and they interact with each other often, don’t ignore it.
You need to read this article: What should I do if he is online but not texting me?
5. He’s stonewalling you to get his way
Hang around someone manipulative for long enough and you’ll find yourself wrapped in their web of deceit even if you tried not to be.
Even if you are in the right, they have the ability to twist facts and gaslight you to the point of doubting your own eyes and ears.
We all are completely aware of the fact that the greatest negotiating position is to be able to walk away and mean it.
A manipulative guy will weaponize this fact to his advantage.
He may not even threaten you with a breakup or rejection.
He’ll simply give you a taste of what it’s like to experience his cold shoulder until you’ve given up and conceded to whatever he wants.
As soon as he figures out that you’ll cave and give him what he wants if he stonewalls you, he’ll do it again and again.
6. He’s testing to see how you react
I hate to say it but people play games in relationships and not the kind that always feels great.
To determine your interest level, your reaction to a form of rejection and the way you respond to poor treatment, a man may ignore you all of a sudden.
It could be sudden or provoked by something you said or did.
But, when it happens, he’s fully aware of what he’s doing and he wants to see how you react.
Believe it or not, behaving in a similar manner isn’t always attractive.
Sometimes, a man will do this just to see if you actually care about him.
His intention may be good but the means by which he used to elicit your feelings for him is immature and poor.
Perhaps you’ve been playing it so relaxed and slow that he’s completely uncertain of whether you’re into him or not.
You need to read this article: Should you double text a guy if he hasn’t replied?
7. He’s hurt by something you said or did
We talked about how anger can weaponize silence with the intention of lashing out or hurting someone but there are genuinely times when a man is hurt and he doesn’t know what to say anymore.
As we all know, there’s a stigma attached to men and feelings.
It’s not so easy for men to express their feelings regularly without being judged or overlooked. What happens is that these feelings build up inside and then spill out over time uncontrollably and that’s dangerous.
All that aside, the expectation is that a man will immediately lash out or respond with anger when hurt but that’s not always the case.
Some men withdraw and isolate themselves because they are so uncomfortable with the cost of vulnerability.
Women are less afraid to cry and express their sadness when hurt by something said or done to them by their partner.
It just isn’t the case with a lot of men, especially those who are more old-fashioned and traditional in their upbringing.
Then, there are men who were more inclined towards the expression of their vulnerable side only for it to be used against them.
They end up withdrawing into silence because of how their emotions were received in the past.
If you hurt him, then this would explain why he is ignoring you all of a sudden.
It’s the only way he knows how to deal with the vulnerable nature of his emotions right now.
8. He’s confused about his feelings for you
I have been spending a significant amount of time examining the ideas behind interest and attraction and I keep falling back into the belief that they are not fixed.
Someone could very well be highly interested and attracted to someone today and then be less interested or attracted to them a week from now.
It happens.
In fact, it actually happens in relationships.
There’s an ebb and flow to these emotions that looks a lot like a wave.
As it goes up, it reaches a certain height that is considered the peak during this wave. Then, it is followed by a drop in interest and attraction.
Normally, there’s a bottom line in which interest and attraction drop before it picks up again UNLESS it dips below a level in which they cannot grow again.
Things you say and do can contribute to this loss, other people can be a factor and life circumstances can affect this wave.
If you’re with the right person, other people and life circumstances should be mitigated and pushed aside.
In other words, the right type of man will not allow another woman or life circumstances to destroy his interest and attraction in you.
But, when that dip occurs, confusion may set in, especially if this is the first wave in the relationship.
Until he experiences the rise, it’s possible that doubt or uncertainty may cloud his judgment.
Unfortunately, he must be in a significant amount of confusion to be ignoring you all of a sudden.
Either you’ve done or said something to confuse him or he’s allowed those other factors to cloud his judgment.
But, this would explain why he is confused about his feelings to the point of ignoring you suddenly.
You need to read this article: Should I block him if he ignores me?
Final Thoughts
I hope that this article has provided you with everything you need to know about why he is ignoring you all of a sudden.
I would suggest that you make a genuine attempt to contact him but beyond that, it’s not worth it to chase someone who ignores or ghosts you.
Don’t you feel like it’s far more satisfying and rewarding to be with a person who chooses to communicate through their issues?
Imagine how easy it would be to nurture and create a long-lasting relationship if you were on the same page about communication.
In my experience, someone who does this will continue to find reasons to do it again and again.
You’ll always be walking on eggshells around him and you’d always feel uneasy. During the first few times he ignores you, insecurity and fear will be the predominant emotions. After some time, it’s resentment and anger that will overwhelm you.
At that point, a toxic breakup is inevitable.
I will play devil’s advocate and say that silence can also be a form of communication, especially when someone is being disrespectful and disingenuous.
So, if you are behaving in a toxic manner, then it’s on you to rectify your behavior and the damage caused in the relationship or courtship.
With that being said, if you would like my personal help on how to deal with a man who is ignoring you, I suggest that you check out my services page for more information on how we can work together via email.