Breakups are so difficult to deal with, especially if you live together. He may have left and taken most things with him but it’s not uncommon for an ex to leave behind some stuff. What’s not normal is if he hasn’t made an effort to reach out for his belongings. This begs the question, why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back?
There are a few reasons why he hasn’t asked for his stuff back and it’s because he doesn’t care about it, he isn’t aware of it or he’s going to use it as an excuse to get in contact with you again or to see you.
If there’s one thing we all know, breakups are messy and you can’t accurately predict exactly what your ex is going to do or want.
Since there’s no playbook for handling stuff of this nature, people deal with the redistribution of stuff differently.
What I do know is that if he cares about those things, he’ll eventually be in contact with you to arrange delivery or collection of his stuff.
But, if the breakup is fairly recent then you have to consider the likelihood that it hasn’t crossed his mind as yet because he’s also dealing with a lot of change in his life.
Whether he dumped you or you dumped him, he’s still going to experience a host of emotions that can be difficult to deal with at first.
It could very well be possible that he’s dealing with those emotions right now and once he gets a handle on himself and his life, he’ll get in contact with you about his stuff.
Be that as it may, I think it’s a good idea that we discuss all the possible reasons why he hasn’t asked for his stuff back.
Related post: My ex texted me after a week of no contact
1. He doesn’t care about it
You wouldn’t really know unless he says so but chances are such that if he really valued the stuff that he left with you, he’d get in contact with you about it.
Nobody is going to walk away from precious possessions to avoid an uncomfortable conversation with an ex.
He already had the worst conversation with you when the relationship ended and he walked away so I’m sure that he’d muster up the courage to talk to you about his stuff since it’s been a while since you both parted ways.
The best thing you can do right now is pack up his stuff into boxes and keep it aside for him.
Don’t make any assumptions about it so that if he does care about it, he’ll get in touch and get them.
If he doesn’t, it’s not in the way nor is it reminding you of him all the time since it’s packed away.
Related post: What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted you in months
2. He isn’t aware of it
If the two of you have lived together for a long time, chances are such that a lot of his stuff was with you.
When people are parting, they’re not necessarily thinking straight. They’re too emotional and too wrapped up in thoughts to think about everything they own.
It’s very possible that he has forgotten that he’s left those things behind with you.
What you can do is reach out to him and let him know that he left his stuff with you.
Make sure you text or email him regarding these things so you have actual proof that you informed him of these valuables.
3. He’s going to use it as an excuse to get in contact with you again
After a breakup, neither party wants to look desperate and so what you find is that some guys will create the perfect excuse to see you again.
The reason why they want to see you again can vary depending on his intentions.
He could wait until he feels like you’re no longer upset with him or you really miss him to show up at your door.
Seeing him could have an effect on you and this might lead from one thing to another.
Perhaps he’s also using it as a way to keep you tied to him.
He might not be ready to let go of you completely and to avoid revealing that he misses you and wants to see you, he uses his stuff as an excuse to reach out.
Even if he was the one to dump you, this still applied because it leaves the door open for him to come back in a way that doesn’t reveal his intentions.
Related post: 18 Signs your ex regrets dumping you
4. He’s waiting for the right time to bring it up
If the relationship just ended and the both of you haven’t really discussed the distribution of assets or valuables, it’s not unlikely for him to wait until you both are in a better space.
Some people prefer to wait until both parties are more clear-headed and less distraught before bringing up something like this.
Perhaps, he’s just not ready to say goodbye to you as yet and so he’s leaving these things with you until he is.
Saying goodbyes are difficult and removing your stuff from a shared home can be the final nail in the coffin.
If he really cared about you, I’m sure this isn’t easy for him to do which is why he hasn’t reached out as yet.
Should you contact him about taking his stuff back?
Yes, you should do so when you’re ready. It’s not your responsibility now to chase after him regarding his stuff.
A courtesy call should suffice but I also encourage you to email or text him about this stuff.
Pardon me for being paranoid but I’ve seen people do unnecessarily nasty things after a breakup which is why I think it’s important for you to have some form of proof that you did indeed contact him about his stuff.
This is for your protection and I don’t see any harm in that.
If you want to get rid of his stuff urgently, then inform him that you want it taken away and if he doesn’t oblige, courier it to him and inform him beforehand.
What you don’t want to do is assume ownership of anything that belongs to him without proof or his approval.
The best thing to do right now is to pack his stuff into boxes and keep it aside for him.
In that way, his things are not staring you in the face like a constant reminder of him.
You have a lot to deal with already, you don’t need to be reminded of his absence even more with his stuff.
Related post: Should I text him or wait?
To summarize, why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back? There are a few reasons why he hasn’t asked for his stuff back and it’s because he doesn’t care about it, he isn’t aware of it or he’s going to use it as an excuse to get in contact with you again or to see you.
Irrespective of what the reasons may be, text or email him about his belongings as soon as you’re ready to do so.
It’s the courteous and right thing to do.
In the meantime, pack his stuff up and keep it aside.
I know that you’re going through a difficult time in your life right now and you have all of these questions in mind.
Thankfully, I can help advise you as much as possible through my articles and the comment section below.
I just want to leave you with a few words of comfort.
You are going to get through this difficult time in your life. I know how painful it is to say goodbye to someone you care about but such is life.
Letting go requires you to detach yourself from someone or something in order to experience relief from suffering and pain.
It may be hard to do so but I promise you that in the end, you’ll come out of this stronger and wiser.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be insightful and helpful. If you would like to share your questions or thoughts with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.
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