Getting ghosted sucks and it can be confusing to understand why it happened. Just when you start to move on, the person who ghosted you suddenly reappears. This tends to be a phenomenon that keeps growing so in this article, I want to discuss the reasons why ghosters always come back.
More than anything, the number one reason why ghosters always come back is because they’re selfish.
You have to understand that ghosting someone is a selfish act. There are very few excuses that justify ghosting people. I’ve done it before and I’m willing to say that it’s not a good thing to do. But, part of growing as a person takes place due to mistakes.
What I know is that ghosters leave for themselves and come back for the same reason.
Be that as it may, here’s a list of reasons why ghosters always come back.
- They regret ghosting you.
- They got rejected.
- They’re toxic and manipulative.
- They’re bored and need attention.
- They’re ignorant of their actions.
- They’re single now.
- They think that you miss them.
- They miss you.
- They just want to hook up with you.
- They don’t want you to move on.
With that being said, let’s take a closer look at all of these reasons why ghosters always come back.
Related post: What to do when you’ve been ghosted
1. They regret ghosting you
People do stupid things and what I’ve realized is that most of us don’t realize the value of something or someone until we lose them.
Personally, there have been times in my early twenties when I ghosted someone and slightly regretted it because they were good people.
As you get older, you start to realize that it becomes harder to meet good people who you can connect with.
So, if the ghoster realizes that they made a mistake, it’s highly plausible that they regret their decision and want to make amends.
Perhaps they liked you at first but then you made the mistake of chasing them out of your life.
It could very well be that enough time has passed to make them reconsider their decision.
2. They got rejected
Usually, ghosters disappear when they’re ready to pursue someone else seriously.
However, if that courtship fails and they get rejected by the person or people who they had the highest interest in, they’ll come back to others.
Because rejection stings and can make anyone doubt their worth.
Furthermore, they probably feel lonely or they need an ego boost after getting rejected.
To remedy these feelings, the ghoster will come back to those who they feel will shower them with attention and affection.
3. They’re toxic and manipulative
Some people thrive on attention from others and they seek out drama. They aren’t looking for wholesome and good relationships.
On the contrary, what they’re searching for are options and a string of people who can boost their ego.
These types of people will ghost you whenever you start to let your guard down.
For them, it’s a challenge and if they can convince you to give them attention and affection after ghosting you, they walk away feeling like a winner.
Thereafter, one of two things happens, you lose interest and walk away when you realize that they aren’t genuinely interested in a relationship or they ghost you again.
Related post: What to do when someone ignores your text
4. They’re bored and need attention
While there are ghosters who are extremely toxic and manipulative, there are others who only do it as an unintended effect.
What I mean by this is that they don’t set out to ghost you.
They’re just bored and looking to kill some time.
They crave attention from someone but not to the extent of developing a real bond or wasting your time long term.
And so, they’ll flirt for a while and chat for a day or so before disappearing again.
You never truly reach that point of developing a strong bond because they disappear so quickly.
It may not be as sinister as those who set out to manipulate others but it will leave you feeling annoyed.
5. They’re ignorant of their actions
Believe it or not, but there are people who will ghost you unintentionally and never realize what they’ve done.
They just assume that not replying for days or weeks on end is normal because they’re busy with life.
For them, texting and interacting online isn’t real and so it doesn’t dictate the same amount of thought as you would do in real life to maintain relationships.
This is not so common but it does and can happen.
Which is why they pop up randomly and seem to act as if you’re long lost lovers or friends.
Related post: What is ghosting on social media?
6. They’re single now
When they ghosted you, it was because they met someone and entered a serious relationship. Obviously, it wouldn’t make sense to be in contact with someone you had a courtship with when you’re in a relationship with someone else.
Ideally, the right thing to do is communicate this decision to you instead of just ghosting you.
But, nowadays, people are afraid of hurting others or dealing with the fall out of their decisions and so they just prefer ghosting.
Now that they are single, the ghoster returns with the intention of trying to rekindle what was lost.
7. They think that you miss them
There are instances when you’ll get ghosted by someone who assumes that you don’t care about them.
Perhaps you rejected them or put them in the friendzone and instead of accepting it, they change their mind and ghost you.
However, when they start to feel as if you miss them, that’s when they cave and decide to come back.
8. They miss you
Remember how I said that most people only realize the value of something or someone when it has been lost?
Well, one of the effects of this realization is extreme longing and desire.
They will reflect on the past and be struck by extreme nostalgia.
At this point, the urge to contact you will be so overwhelming that they can’t help but reach out. This is why ghosters always come back.
9. They just want to hook up with you
This might be one of the most selfish reasons on this list but ghosters may come back into your life because they’re looking for an easy way to get laid.
I hate to sound so crude but this is the reality of the situation.
They just assume that you’re so attracted and hung up on them that it would be easy to seduce you.
If they get what they were looking for, I’m willing to bet that they will ghost you again.
10. They don’t want you to move on
I’ve noticed that some ghosters will ice you out but keep a tab on what you’re doing. They’ll constantly come back whenever you start moving on with your life.
Then, they’ll make all sorts of apologies and promises only to fade out of your life again.
This can become a vicious cycle in which the ghoster keeps you as an option in their life.
They’ll trick you into believing that they’re reappearing because they care about you or they’re confused.
But, after some time, it will become abundantly clear to you that their real motive is to hold you like a hostage while they live their life.
Related post: How to respond to ghosting
I think it’s quite evident that ghosters usually return for selfish reasons. Unless, of course, they return to apologize for behaving immaturely.
But, for the most part, ghosters always come back because they’re looking for attention, affection or entertainment.
There may be instances when they come back because they genuinely miss you and want to pursue a relationship of some sort.
That will depend on the circumstances surrounding the relationship and the amount of history the two of you share.
I would just caution you against accepting back someone who keeps ghosting you. By no means am I averse to second chances.
But, make them work to prove themselves this time.
That brings us to the end of this discussion on why ghosters always come back. If you would like to share your experiences or ask a question, please head over to the comment section below and let me know. Alternatively, head over to my services page for email coaching.
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