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Why Doesn’t She Want Me? (13 Reasons Why)

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she doesn't want me, why doesn't she want me, why she doesn't want you

Dealing with rejection is something every man has to face in his life, regardless of how successful or good-looking he happens to be. It can be quite a difficult situation to deal with, especially if you are already battling with low self-esteem. It’s only natural to find yourself confused and asking the following question, why doesn’t she want me?

In this article, I’m going to share an extensive list of reasons why she doesn’t want you as well as advice on how to deal with rejection.

Before we get started, I want you to know that rejection doesn’t define your worth.

Separate rejection from your self-worth and value as a man.

You are defined by your intentions, actions, associations, beliefs, ethics, accomplishments and much more. Romantic validation and acceptance from a woman isn’t at the very top of that list when it comes to worth and value.

Bounce back from rejection stronger and you’ll attract a woman who is much better suited for you.

You need to read this article: Why is it so hard to get a girlfriend?

Reasons Why She Doesn’t Want You

she doesn't want me, why doesn't she want me, why she doesn't want you

1. She’s not physically attracted to you

As much as women argue that they prefer personality over looks, it doesn’t mean that they are willing to sacrifice all looks in favor of a good personality.

I hate to use a metric system like this but one could measure attraction levels in someone on a scale from 1 to 10.

If someone falls below a 5 or 6, it’s highly unlikely that a woman will be interested in being with your intimately and romantically.

Of course, that number can change depending on certain circumstances but it’s a lot harder to convince her to spend time with you as compared to someone who rates at a higher number.

As long as you have made a genuine effort to be in shape, to dress well, to groom your face and to improve your overall appearance to the best of your ability, there’s no reason for you to fixate on someone who still doesn’t find you attractive.

Think about this for a second.

How many times have you found someone to be ridiculously beautiful but she appeared to be unattractive to another guy?

Quite often, I’m sure.

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Even if he did acknowledge that she was attractive, he may not have felt as if she was what he emotionally and physically desires.

That’s just the nature of attraction.

It varies from person to person and doesn’t automatically imply that you are an unattractive person in general.

2. You’re not her type

Believe it or not, just because you’re physically attractive to a woman doesn’t automatically mean that you are her ‘type’.

I know, I know.

This contradicts what I just said above but allow me to explain.

Physical attraction is enough to get her attention and interest but your personality, values, lifestyle and mannerisms aren’t the type to keep her attention and interest. 

Does that mean you should change your entire behavior to make her want you?


I don’t think you should unless the behaviors that are not congruent with her type are unattractive in general.

For example, if you are behaving like a weak, desperate, insecure and controlling man who has no confidence and self-respect, then obviously, you’re not going to be her type.

Women don’t truly stay with men who behave in this manner.

So, if this is an accurate description of who you are, then there’s much that you can and should do to change, grow and improve.

If you’re not her type because you have different interests, humor, dreams and life goals, then it’s understandable and you shouldn’t have to drop or change these things just to make her want you.

The best feeling in the world is to be loved and wanted for who you are at your core.

You need to read this article: What to do after a girl rejects you

3. She doesn’t feel an emotional connection between the two of you

Sometimes, a woman can find a man attractive and compatible but for some reason, she feels as if there’s a spark or connection that’s missing.

It is true that you cannot manufacture chemistry, even with people who are highly attractive to you.

I can think of a few times when I met women who were stunning and great on paper but we just didn’t gel properly in person.

It happens and you can’t blame yourself for that.

But, at the same time, it would be remiss of me not to mention another factor.

If you, as a man, fail to fill the masculine role with a woman enough for her to open up emotionally and feel safe in your presence to lean into her feminine role, she’ll feel as if there’s no connection.

In that case, what you need to do is adjust your behavior and observe if it has a positive effect on her emotions and interest.

4. She views you as just a friend

Getting out of the friend zone is incredibly difficult, especially when you have spent a significant time pursuing a girl under the pretense of friendship.

Never will I agree to be friends with a woman who knows that I am attracted to her and want to explore a romantic relationship with her.

It’s a different story if the two of you began as friends and there was a mutual lack of desire to pursue something romantically.

In that case, there’s definitely hope.

All you would have to do is adjust your behavior, create an opportunity for something romantic to happen and make a move.

You would have to lead her towards something romantic but it can be done.

You need to read this article: Why does my ex want to be friends?

5. She’s hung up on an ex

It’s an unfortunate reality that we are not taught from a young age how to deal with loss and breakups.

You have to rely on life experience or what your family says but the issue is that most of our parents are relying on life experiences as well because they didn’t have the internet.

What happens is that people deal with a breakup, even if they were the dumper, in a manner that’s incorrect. 

Rather than truly moving on, they slap on bandaids that provide temporary relief from the pain of a breakup.

Eventually, those feelings of longing and desire spill out and a person finds themselves ruminating and obsessing over an ex-lover even years after the breakup.

You can’t compete with the ghost of an ex in someone’s mind because it’s based on a distorted image of perfection.

If she’s hung up on an ex, she’s not going to want a relationship with you right now.

6. She’s rebounding with other people

As we touched on moments ago, a lot of people are unprepared and unequipped to deal with the fallout of a breakup.

From the dumper to the dumpee, feelings of loneliness, doubt, uncertainty, sadness, loss and depression are unavoidable.

Even if a breakup was amicable and on fair terms, it still results in certain withdrawal symptoms that are painful.

To escape this pain, people tend to seek out temporary comfort, love and validation from other people.

There are times when it’s intentional and there are other times when it is a subconsciously inspired choice.

The person believes that they are in love with their rebound partner and over their ex but the unfortunate reality is that they have placed new love and validation over feelings of loss.

Until she’s done rebounding, it’s unlikely that she will consider something serious with another person.

You need to read this article: What to do if your ex is dating someone else

7. She’s in love with someone else

When a woman with integrity and high value falls in love with a man, she’ll be all about that man and everyone else will take a back seat, especially guys who want to be with her.

You’ll be lucky if you even get a reply from her, that’s how committed she becomes once she falls in love.

Competing for her affection at this point is honestly a waste of time and this would explain why she doesn’t want you.

If circumstances were different, she may very well have been interested in you but right now, it isn’t.

The timing wasn’t right and that’s not something you can truly control.

8. She’s emotionally unavailable right now

There are instances in life when you come across someone who ticks all your boxes and you tick all their boxes, there’s fondness and chemistry but when it comes to emotional availability, she’s closed up.

There are a number of reasons why this may happen.

One of the explanations is that she’s in love with someone else, which we have discussed above.

But, she could have also been through something traumatic like losing a loved one, having a breakdown, been cheated on or abused by someone.

These events can take a huge toll on a person and it becomes incredibly difficult to focus on romantic love when you feel as if you’re struggling to keep your head above water.

Pressuring a woman to want a relationship with you is never a good idea, especially when she’s dealing with things that have caused her emotional damage.

9. You’re moving too fast

In general, women fall in love at a much slower pace than men. We guys can go on two dates and fall head over heels in love with a girl (infatuation, of course).


Well, because we are driven by attraction, particularly physical attraction.

Obviously, if a woman ticks other boxes of yours, you’re more likely to fall in love with her on a deeper level.

But, this just illustrates the difference between men and women.

Women fall in love when they feel as if they have been emotionally opened up, not just physically attracted.

This is why it’s a good idea to wait until a woman brings up exclusivity because that prevents you from moving too fast.

You never want to hurry a woman into a commitment because that has the potential to scare her off.

Be a good judge of where her attraction level is at.

It’s obviously possible for a woman to fall in love quickly but it needs to show.

If you’re trying to spin a narrative that she’s in love with you already, then it’s probably not true and you’re embellishing her behavior to reflect what you want.

The last thing you want is to appear desperate, clingy and needy by coming on too strong too quickly.

It’s unattractive to women.

Men who are abundant and of high value are never in a hurry to just jump into a relationship.

Women are accustomed to this way of thinking so if you try to move too fast, she’s going to subconsciously disassociate you from her impression or experience of a high-value man.

10. She’s not looking for a relationship right now

When I was much younger, I made the mistake of assuming that all women ultimately want a serious relationship and commitment.

Imagine my confusion and surprise when I ran into women who didn’t feel that way.

It was a headache to figure this stuff out, especially as a young man.

You have to pay attention to what a woman says but more importantly, the way she behaves.

If her behavior doesn’t reflect that of someone who is looking for a committed and serious relationship, then she most likely doesn’t want one even if she claims to.

I’ve seen women string multiple guys along under the unspoken expectation of her eventually wanting a serious relationship.

These guys were completely convinced that it was only a matter of time before things progress into a relationship.

I mean, she had these guys doing errands for her and involved in her life and yet she had no interest in ever being with them in any kind of serious capacity.

If a woman says that she’s more focused on herself and fixing her life before thinking about a relationship, believe her.

If she also says that she’s not looking for anything serious, believe her.

You’ll lose the most if you fool yourself into believing that she’ll want something super serious with you because it’s you.

Don’t make the mistake so many men have made.

You need to read this article: Can a girl change her mind after rejecting a guy?

11. You’ve turned her off by coming on too strong

Moving too fast can scare a girl off but it doesn’t necessarily amount to turning her off or making her feel less attraction for you.

But, coming on too strong and not remaining confident or calm can backfire tremendously.

Think about it for a minute.

How do you feel about a woman who simply throws herself at you all the time and from the get-go?

You don’t really feel a strong compulsion towards her and you certainly don’t value her efforts as much as you would if she was a woman who appeared hard to get.

The same effect takes place when a man incessantly chases a woman.

Texting her all the time, double and triple texting, complimenting her in rapid succession, expressing feelings of desire and love too early, interacting with her on several platforms and talking about a relationship too soon are ways to turn off a woman.

You have to take things slow.

Ideally, you should be doing slightly less of the pursuing that a woman does.

That balance works extremely well if you are a guy who cannot remain indifferent or calm during the courtship phase.

You need to read this article: She stopped texting me every day!

12. She doesn’t trust you 

Without trust, the likelihood of a woman opening up to you emotionally and wanting to be involved with you in a serious capacity is incredibly slim.

Women need and want to feel safe in a man’s presence.

She needs to feel like you are a strong support system who can at least lead the relationship at times and that requires trust.

If you are inconsistent, dishonest and disloyal, she will not want you.

In fact, women who have been burned in the past due to cheating place trust at the very precipice of their needs.

13. She doesn’t respect you

While trust is non-negotiable, so is respect.

A woman will never want to be with you or love you if she doesn’t respect you.

She will overlook you, friendzone you and flat-out reject you if she doesn’t have any respect for you.

Sometimes, a woman may respect you early on but your own behavior reflects low self-respect.

How can you expect someone else to respect you if you are not willing to respect yourself?

I believe that the greatest form of self-respect is being able to walk away from someone who doesn’t offer you respect or support. 

And yet, a man without self-respect will expose himself to subpar behavior from women and accept scraps of attention for all of his.

You have to value yourself first and foremost before thinking about finding someone who wants to be with you.

That comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself, having a mission and purpose in life, living by a code of ethics, being a righteous man and overcoming obstacles.

Final Thoughts

As much as this article has detailed reasons why she doesn’t want you, I think it’s more important for you to focus on the lessons you can take from this experience.

Examine your behavior and her behavior since the beginning.

Isolate key events and things that may have contributed to you ending up in this situation of not understanding why she doesn’t want you.

Here’s a list of questions to meditate on that may help you to improve your ability to choose better women for you and to avoid getting rejected altogether.

  • What has changed since this experience? 
  • When were things going well and when did it begin to turn bad? 
  • What could you have done differently? 
  • How can you optimize and improve yourself? 
  • The next time you run into a situation like this, should you walk away sooner?

Through reflection and intentional change, you can grow from experiences like this.

I like to approach my love life like a game.

With every defeat, I can learn a lesson that gets me one step closer to reaching the castle and finding my princess (I’m a Mario fan).

The path to success is never without obstacles, rejection and difficulty.

But, men with a healthy attitude can use these experiences to become stronger.

Do this and I promise you that things will improve and you will eventually get a woman who is absolutely breathtaking to you in every single way.

Now, if you would like an entire guide on how to turn rejection into acceptance as well as how to get the girl of your dreams, you need to grab a copy of my eBook that is specifically written for men. It has everything you need to know from the first date to the point of making her fall in love with you. Click here to get your copy of The Attraction Game eBook.

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