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Why Doesn’t He Text Me First But Always Replies? (Explained)

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why won't he text me first, why doesn't he initiate contact first

In this article, I’m going to explain why he doesn’t text you first but always replies.

Some men like to be chased and pursued. They are deathly afraid of coming on too strong or getting rejected, so, they avoid texting you first. In other cases, it implies a lack of interest or desire to initiate anything serious.

What you want to observe is his behavior after you text him first.

  • Does he reply to you with enthusiasm?
  • Does he reply to you quickly or within a reasonable time?
  • Does he appear to be having a good time talking to you?
    Does he express his emotions to you or compliment you?
  • Does he make an attempt to see you whenever you text him?

If the answer to most of these questions are “Yes”, then he is absolutely interested in you and just doesn’t text you first because he knows that you will reach out to him.

In this case, I wouldn’t overthink this, so long as the courtship or relationship continues to progress and be nurtured by both of you.

You need to read this article: My ex reached out and then went silent.

Here’s Why He Doesn’t Initiate Contact

why won't he text me first, why doesn't he initiate contact first

When I think about my long term relationships, I wasn’t the one to initiate contact most of the time. 

My ex’s would reach out in the morning to greet me and update me on their plans. I would always reply back to them with enthusiasm and a breakdown of what I had planned for the day. I would also express my attraction and appreciation for them.

Other times, when I was up earlier than my ex’s, I would text them first.

It really just boiled down to who had the opportunity to text first.

If you were to talk to any of my partners, I don’t think any of them would ever complain that I didn’t make enough time for them.

In fact, one of my problems was talking too often and frequently.

That’s how I learnt about the importance of space to inspire desire within each other and to keep the spark alive in a relationship.

You could do a test by not texting him first and observing how long it takes for him to check in with you.

But, that’s if you really doubt his feelings or intentions.

Alternatively, you could simply bring up the idea of him texting you first from time to time because it would make you feel cared for and it would really make you excited to talk to him.

If he’s really interested in you, then I’m absolutely certain that he will make an effort to text you first after this conversation.

The only time things become an issue is if the answer to the questions above were in the negative.

A lack of enthusiasm, effort and presence are tell-tale signs of low interest levels in a man.

Nobody is too busy to reply to someone they really want.

I can assure you that even the busiest of men make time to text a woman who they find incredibly attractive and interested back.

If he has never brought up how attractive you are or doesn’t seem to show any enthusiasm around flirting or charming you, unfortunately, he may not be into you.

It doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive.

You could simply not be his type or what he’s looking for.

But, there are instances when attraction has nothing to do with a man’s interest.

Another possibility is that you came on too strong.

A lot of men who are insecure tend to pedestalize the chase.

They feel like a woman who is challenging is far more valuable than a woman who makes it easy to court her.

Perhaps status or childhood programming has taught them to prioritize those who are hard to please. 

But, it may be likely that your interest level was so blatant that it stopped being exciting for him so he doesn’t feel like he needs to pursue you.

He expects you to pursue him which is why he doesn’t text you first but always replies. 

Lastly, he’s playing the field.

There’s a chance that he is talking to other women or one woman in particular. If this is the case, it would explain why he doesn’t text you first.

He’s getting attention and validation from other people, thus negating the strong desire for him to seek it out from you.

You need to look at his texting habits. Is he online or posting on social media in the mornings or on most days while the two of you are not in contact?

As a man, I know that I would rather be talking to a woman I was really attracted to or invested in than to be on social media. 

There have been times when I would rarely initiate a conversation with someone who would text me first because I was busy pursuing someone else.

Unless he’s a social media influencer or marketer, that would probably explain why he’s online but not texting you.

Other than that, he’s most likely talking to someone else. 

You need to read this article: Why has he read my message but not replied?

Should You Keep Texting Him?

why won't he text me first, why doesn't he initiate contact first

No, you should not text him first unless he is enthusiastic, affectionate and invested in the courtship or relationship.

I want you to remember something, you deserve to be with someone who loves to spend time with you.

Also, you deserve to be with someone who makes an effort to be with you.

It’s okay to be the one to text first as long as those things are being met.

If they aren’t, you should not waste your time on someone who doesn’t value your time and effort. 

I will add a caveat to this by saying that you should not make any impulsive decisions early on. If you have only been in contact for a few weeks, it could simply indicate that you are moving faster than he is.

But, if this has been going on for a long time and nothing has changed, it might be best for you to pull away and give your attention to someone who deserves it.

Life is so short.

I want you to spend it on people who actually matter. 

Take all this love, time and effort and give it to those who truly care about you.

By not chasing him, he’ll respect you for behaving like someone who has a healthy amount of self-respect and dignity.

What we know is that without respect, love cannot exist.

So, do not subject yourself to demeaning behavior to win the attention or validation of someone who just isn’t interested enough in you.

You need to read this article: 13 Signs your boyfriend is losing interest through text.

Final Thoughts

I hope that by reading this article, you get the clarity needed on why he doesn’t text you first but always replies. 

Think about what you are looking for from someone and have an honest conversation with yourself.

Most of the time, our gut instinct is correct on these matters.

Pay attention to what it’s saying or what God is trying to tell you.

Whatever you decide to do, be sure to maintain your self-respect and dignity. That’s the best way to deal with all problems in life. 

With that being said, if you would like to consult with me about a relationship problem like this, be sure to check out my services page for more information on my email coaching plan and how to get in contact with me.

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