It’s never a good sign when your boyfriend thinks you’re cheating on him. In some cases, it can be the first sign to the end of your relationship. If you can address it quickly, you can save the relationship. Here’s why he feels this way.
He probably suspects you of cheating because he’s insecure, afraid, projecting and/or has trust issues. Alternately, you’ve done something, intentionally or unintentionally, to make him question your loyalty.
Either which way, these are red flags in a relationship that will only worsen with time unless there is an intervention.
The best solution is to tackle it head-on.
Don’t take it with a pinch of salt or think that he’s being silly unless you’re certain that he is just teasing you.
If he is displaying actions that are in keeping with someone who is suspecting you of cheating like interrogating you on your whereabouts, constantly checking up on you, being overly possessive and acting defensive for no reason, you should take action immediately.
With that being said, let’s take a closer look at why your boyfriend thinks you’re cheating on him and what you can do to stop it.
1. He’s insecure and fearful
Men who are insecure and fearful usually have a history of being dumped or cheated on. The symptoms manifest itself in new relationships when he starts to fall deeper in love with you.
It’s also a defense mechanism that he has created to not just prevent himself from being hurt but prevent himself from being vulnerable.
The problem with insecurity and fear that prevents vulnerability is that you can never truly be happy in a relationship until you place complete trust in your partner.
Which means you have to be vulnerable in some way or another.
That’s when you experience true happiness in a relationship.
But when you put up walls to prevent yourself from getting hurt, you inadvertently sabotage your own happiness in the relationship.
If you can sit him down, have a heart to heart conversation with him to understand where this fear and insecurity stems from, both of you can fix the problem.
The real work has to take place within himself.
He has to revisit those demons and exorcise them so that they don’t control his life. What you can do is be supportive and spur him on during this process.
But it starts by getting him to open up about what causes his insecurity and fear.
2. He’s projecting
The definition of projection is as follows – With projection, we externalize our feelings and beliefs about ourselves onto the world around us.
In respect of relationships and being accused of cheating, projection occurs when we accuse others of a crime that we are guilty of.
It’s in our DNA to assume that others can be just as bad as us. We do this to avoid feeling ashamed of our own actions.
In other words, we would go as far as to accuse someone we care about of committing a crime just to bring them down to our level in hopes of not feeling bad about ourselves.
When we are weak, we would rather do this than face those weaknesses and flaws in our psyche.
So, projection is based on past incidents or current occurrences.
If your boyfriend is cheating, it’s possible he’s projecting that onto you.
It’s so counterintuitive.
Like why would someone who is cheating be accusing their partner of cheating? And yet, when you understand how projection works, that’s when reality starts to set in.
If your boyfriend is cheating, then he would project that guilt onto you. And if he isn’t cheating, then it could be a projection of his past.
Instances of the past isn’t an immediate deal-breaker.
If anything, we should avoid judging our significant others for their past mistakes, especially if they have done everything in their power to grow as a person.
Once again, the best approach is to have a conversation with the intention of him opening up about his past mistakes or experiences related to cheating.
Thereafter, focus on ways in which you both can alter certain behavior to heal from this and become a stronger couple.
3. He has trust issues
This is more complicated than any of the abovementioned reasons for his suspicion because it could be a combination of everything we discussed up until now.
He could be insecure, fearful, projecting and possessive.
It could also be a result of his upbringing and the relationship he was exposed to by his parents.
All of these elements contribute to trust issues.
And you can only deal with it by getting him to see how it’s actually in his head and not a fact of reality.
The only saving grace is that trust continues to build over time. It may take longer for someone who has trust issues.
But as time marches on, it’s inevitable that you will display traits and actions that unintentionally and intentionally prove your loyalty and respect for him and the relationship.
This may register with him and completely remove his trust issues from the situation. Or, he could be so far gone that it makes little to no difference.
At which point, you are stuck with making a decision of whether or not you should stay in the relationship.
4. He has low self-esteem
Sometimes men who get into a relationship with a woman they perceive to be a catch can have low self-esteem.
By nature, men are competitive.
We are always sizing each other up. I believe it to be an instinctual characteristic of men due to high levels of testosterone.
If your boyfriend has low self-esteem or low confidence, it’s very likely that he is threatened by the idea of other men stealing you away.
This isn’t a reflection of how poorly he thinks of you, it’s a reflection of how poorly he thinks of himself.
His pride may prevent him from admitting it but if you have been suspecting that he has self-esteem issues, it could very well be the cause of his suspicious and accusatory nature.
You can work through this with him through reassurance and authentic compliments but at the end of the day, this is something he has to build by himself.
5. You’ve done something to make him doubt you
For the sake of being thorough, I chose to include this section in the article because I want to be brutally honest and helpful.
Sometimes, what we perceive to be okay isn’t the same for our partner. They may be affected differently by it.
Perhaps you might be a bit too flirty when communication or just a bit too touchy.
I happen to be very flirty by nature. It’s not intentional either. My default is to be a sweet talker.
But that doesn’t bode well for my relationship.
If anything, it makes my partner feel disrespected at times so I’ve had to adapt my behavior just a bit to accommodate her feelings.
If it’s not a big sacrifice to make, then it’s okay to do that. Especially if your partner has merit in their argument.
Considering your boyfriend’s feelings is sometimes all it takes to prove to him that you aren’t cheating.
Do what you can
As long as you don’t have to spend all your days convincing him that you’re loyal, then it’s okay to make an extra effort.
But it’s up to you to decide whether this is a temporary problem that can be fixed or he’s just a guy hardwired with insecurity and suspicion.
Whichever it may be, don’t allow this situation to become toxic and ruin your happiness altogether, especially if you’ve done nothing to warrant this suspicion.
At the end of the day, you have to be willing to trust your partner.
And if he is unable to do that despite your efforts, then it’s time to consider moving on.
You deserve to be happy and you deserve a boyfriend who believes in your loyalty.
Without trust, what’s the point of being together?
I’ll leave you with that to think about and I hope you found this article to be of some value.
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