Imagine investing all your time, effort and affection in a man who finds you attractive and enjoys your company but not enough to date you. That’s what a lot of women go through. At some point or the other, you’ll meet someone who makes you ask this question – why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?
He enjoys the fruits of a relationship without actually committing. In other words, you’re a placeholder in his life that fulfills his needs until he decides to move on or find someone he really wants to be with.
Understandably, this is a nasty pill to swallow.
But, if you don’t come to reality soon and continue to do everything you’re currently doing with the expectation of him eventually committing to you, things are not going to turn out well.
You’ll either get rejected or ghosted down the line and that will be heartbreaking.
I would hate for anyone who reads my site to go through this.
It’s unnecessary heartache and something that can be avoided by setting greater standards in your life.
There’s still hope, though. I wouldn’t write him off until you try some of the techniques I’m going to share with you below.
Thereafter, if he remains the same or maintains his stance of not wanting a relationship with you, walk away with your head held up high and your confidence in tack because this man is just a waste of your time and he doesn’t know what he wants.
Related post: How to get revenge on your ex who used you
Why he doesn’t want a relationship
For the most part, we can assume that he does find you physically attractive and enjoys your company in his life.
If not, he wouldn’t keep you around.
But, clearly, he doesn’t feel strongly enough about you to want a relationship.
What I can tell you with certainty is that when a man wants a relationship, it’s usually preceded by him falling head over heels in love with you.
The second he feels like you’re the type of woman he can see himself with, he’ll be trying to lock you down even if he doesn’t say so.
His actions will speak more than his words.
He’ll make every effort to spend time with you, the dates will become increasingly romantic, he’ll make a move on you and plan for the future with you.
Those are the signs of a man who really likes or loves you.
When you bring up exclusivity, he’s all in.
There’s no excuses.
The only time a man can reject you but still genuinely want to be with you is if it’s too soon and he isn’t ready for a relationship.
In such an instance, it’s not about you but about him.
Everyone moves at a different pace.
You may be ready for a relationship with him but he may need more time and experiences with you before committing.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
Time is the only metric to focus on. Allow the romance to build and develop at a more natural pace and when he is ready, you’ll know!
He’ll make it abundantly clear to you that he wants a relationship.
I’m in a serious relationship right now but my partner will tell you that we went through this hurdle.
She was ready for a relationship much sooner than I was.
I’m just incredibly grateful that she stuck around and gave me the time I needed because soon after that, I fell deeply in love with her and we have been inseparable since.
I could tell that she was upset when I told her that I needed more time but the fact that she was patient and secure enough to believe that I’ll come around made an impact on me.
I found that to be incredibly attractive.
But, she also made it abundantly clear to me that she can’t put her life on hold for me either and if there came a time when she felt like she needs more and I’m not the one to give it to her, she’s going to respectfully move on.
That’s a woman who respects and values her own time and effort.
I could tell that she genuinely meant it.
She was very understanding and patient but certain about what is acceptable and unacceptable for her.
This is an important lesson to learn for anyone who is in a similar situation.
No man will respect you unless you respect yourself.
People will only do what you allow them to do to you.
When the boundaries are clear, those who genuinely care and value you will respect them. Those who do not care will cross those boundaries.
That’s when you have an obligation to yourself to remove those people from your life.
Okay, so now you know how to deal with a man who doesn’t want a relationship with you because he’s not ready as yet.
Let’s talk about the other reasons why he doesn’t want a relationship with you, specifically related to actions that reduce the attraction a man has for you.
1. You chased him too much
When you chase a man too much, it deprives him of the opportunity to make an effort and invest in the relationship as much as you do.
Men don’t like to admit it but we are hardwired to pursue women we like.
It’s the way we operate based on social contracts and cultural influence
Calling too much, texting him all day, constantly complimenting him and trying to earn his approval are all the tell tale signs of a woman who is doing too much.
Related post: 7 signs you are chasing him and why you should stop
2. You were too easy
Most people like a challenge. Despite vocalizing our desire for easy things, we often attribute value to harder challenges.
When a man knows that he can have you, what’s the need for him to make an effort to pursue you?
When he doesn’t make an effort, he doesn’t invest in you. This lack of investment is closely connected with lower desire.
On the flip side, when a man has to earn your attention and affection, he appreciates and values it more. It’s not easy for him to walk away from it because he knows how hard he had to work.
3. You didn’t give him a chance to miss you
Feelings of love develop in the presence and absence of someone. Both play a pivotal role in your life.
When you can have something all the time, the novelty wears off.
You quickly become accustomed to its presence in your life and the fear of loss is not even an afterthought.
Part of what makes us value things and people in life is the possibility of loss. So by pursuing him constantly and taking all day, it removes an entire period of time when he could be thinking and fantasizing about you.
Being absent from his life for a bit can have a profound effect on attraction and desire.
If you’ve dropped everything you were doing in your life to be around him all the time, it could be the reason why he doesn’t want a relationship.
Related post: How to make him miss you like crazy
What reason does he have for being in a relationship with you?
Think about this for a second – if he already has ALL the perks of being in a relationship with you without having to be committed to you, why should he change anything?
By you devoting yourself to him as a lover, he has nothing to work for.
In my opinion, this is how guys take advantage of women.
Once they sniff vulnerability, they’re all over you.
If you are to ever have a serious and committed relationship with him, you have to make him desire it.
He needs to feel like a relationship would be an opportunity for him to truly connect with you on a romantic and deeper level.
Otherwise, you’re just selling yourself short.
Related post: Does he want a relationship?
He’s a player
When dating someone new, there’s always a chance that they’re seeing other people as well.
It’s not a big deal.
However, if you’ve been seeing each other for a while, you’ve invested a ton into this guy, the two of you have been on multiple dates and for the most part, you’re doing everything a normal couple would do and he still doesn’t want a relationship, then something is definitely wrong.
There are three possibilities:
- He’s casually dating and not ready for a serious relationship.
- He’s not that into you.
- He’s a player and is using you.
We’ve discussed the former two possibilities so it’s imperative that we talk about the last possibility.
Players are usually smart. They are master manipulators and know what to say to keep you hooked.
When you suspect that he has been lying to you, keeping secrets, seeing other people on the low and always has some excuse for not wanting a relationship, your alarm bells should be going off.
This is not the type of guy to be messing around with.
He will chew you up and spit you out like a worthless piece of gum.
In my opinion, you can never change a player.
Either he finds it within himself to improve and be trustworthy or he will always struggle with this issue.
You shouldn’t need to change someone so that they can be faithful and invested in you.
That’s a pointless endeavor.
You deserve so much better than that!
It can be quite difficult to exercise emotional self-control when all you want to do is love someone and be happy with them.
But, if you have any chance of getting this guy to commit, you need to get a grip of yourself and stop rewarding him for unworthy behavior.
Let me be brutally honest with you – the right man will never be this problematic to date.
He’ll know your worth and as soon as he realizes that you’re into him as much as he is into you, a relationship will follow naturally.
All these other guys are just not the right one for you.
With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this article. Feel free to leave your thoughts or questions in the comment section below.