Why Do Men Lie? (The Ironic Truth)

For me to answer this question honestly, I first have to address the notion that all men are liars. That is not true. Is everyone capable of lying? Absolutely. But there are men out there who live by a code of ethics that frowns upon lying, especially for selfish and self-serving reasons.

Men who lie frequently are often driven by selfish desires and ulterior motives. They do not subscribe to a moral code that supersedes their own desires. They are inconsiderate of other people. When it comes to getting what they want, the end justifies the means. 

Usually, lying is a symptom of a larger issue with integrity.

Integrity is the one thing that dictates character.

When a man has integrity, it doesn’t matter how he feels or what he can get out of lying, he will do what’s right. What supersedes all of these things is the way in which he lives. His objective is to be true to himself and to others. And that’s the greatest difference between a man who is a compulsive liar and a man with integrity.

Integrity forces a man to be self-aware and self-accepting.

Ironically, men who lie may appear as if they are self-aware and self-accepting but in reality, they are just masters at lying to themselves.

They create a narrative that allows them to sleep at night without actually feeling bad. They have no choice but to lie to themselves. 

If you spend a significant amount of time doing something, it becomes a part of you.

Men who compulsively lie become extremely good at lying. It becomes a part of their thought process and way of living. 

They may even lose the capacity to judge whether a given circumstance will result in a lie or not.

They simply lie because they can. 

It becomes such a problem that they can’t control lying to others or themselves. Worst of all, they actually believe their own lies! 

When you run into men like this, it no longer matters why they lie. Knowing why won’t change anything in this case unless they want to change. 

Believe me when I tell you that I understand what it feels like to be shocked by someone’s lies.

You begin to lose trust in your judgment because you didn’t even see the warning signs of someone who lies a lot. 

It’s natural to feel misled or deceived. 

But, to be extremely harsh on yourself will not help much. You have to accept the fact that some people, even those who we may end up loving deeply, are capable of lying convincingly.

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The 5 Reasons Why Men Lie

Men lie for the following reasons:

1. For personal gain.
2. For selfish desires.
3. Due to a lack of integrity.
4. Due to crippling insecurity.
5. Because of past trauma.

Realistically speaking, a man who lies will never make a good partner. I understand that there are times when someone may speak white lies and with good intentions.

But, I don’t think white lies are the reason for you being here reading this article.

I have a feeling that you are dealing with men who lie about significant things or without reason. It may not even make sense to you why they would lie, even if it is for personal gain.

Sometimes, what they gain from lying seems so weird and ridiculous that it doesn’t make sense to you why he would lie.

That’s indicative of an integrity issue.

You need honesty in a relationship. You need trust between each other. Without it, the chance of you being able to nurture a long-lasting relationship with this man is slim to none. 

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How To Deal With A Man Who Lies

The first time you catch a man in a lie, do not let it go. 

Make a big deal out of it and draw a firm boundary between the two of you. 

Do not validate his lies by pretending that you don’t care about the lie or that his justification for lying negates the boundary that you have.

Even if you choose to forgive him and work on the relationship, it is important to make it known that you are intolerant of lies in a relationship.

Express your disappointment in him. Let him know that his lying casts a shadow of doubt on his character and threatens the trust that you have for him.

Listen to his explanations and observe if his apology or remorse is sincere.

Don’t allow him to laugh it off or make light of the situation. 

Then, tell him that you want him to be honest with you in the future and if you ask him a question, he should be considerately forthcoming.

From then on out, he’ll do one of two things.

1. He’ll respect your boundary by being honest with you.
2. He’ll try to hide his lies from you more convincingly. 

In other words, the relationship will either grow and thrive from this point on or he will reveal his true nature and you’ll be able to leave this relationship without regrets or uncertainty about his character.

It is difficult to let go of someone who you care about.

The last thing that any of us want is to walk away from a person we care about because they have an integrity issue and lie to us.

In fact, most of us want to believe that the people we fall for are honest, sincere and high-quality individuals.

But, sometimes, we are going to find ourselves intertwined with someone who turns out to be a liar or deceiver. 

At that point, it is our duty to enforce healthy boundaries that prevent them from behaving in this manner around us.

That may include walking away from that person altogether.

And that is a difficult but necessary thing to do when you are dealing with a liar who refuses to make an effort to change.

You can’t force someone to adopt integrity.

It is something that they must willingly decide to work towards.

So, if you have any intentions of fixing a man who lies convincingly and compulsively, get rid of that idea from your mind.

It’s not going to work out in your favor.

It almost never happens.

Unless, of course, he is committed to change.

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Final Thoughts

Dealing with men who lie is only going to be a source of stress, anxiety and insecurity in your life. It is much better to be with a man who has integrity than to work on changing a man who lacks integrity and lies.

The less tolerant you are of lies, the easier it becomes to have healthy relationships.

As much as this article focuses on explaining why men lie, I believe that it is more enriching and empowering to focus on finding men who are honest.

What we focus on will grow.

Often, we become so fearful and fixated on what we don’t want that it becomes the only thing we see.

Ironically, the things or people who are good for us won’t even register in our minds because we are far too busy focusing on everything and everyone we want to avoid.

With that being said, I hope you found this article to be insightful and enriching. If you would like my personal help, I strongly encourage you to visit my services page for more information on my email coaching package.