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Why Do I Want To Be Single When I’m In A Relationship?

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reasons why you want to be single, why you want to be single even though you're in a relationship

When people are single, all they can think about is being in a relationship. But, imagine how confusing and scary it is to want to be single when you’re in a relationship! It can induce severe anxiety and fear if you don’t understand why you feel this way. This begs the question, “Why do I want to be single when I’m in a relationship?” 

There are a few reasons why you want to be single when you’re in a relationship, and they are as follows:

  1. You want to rediscover your identity.
  2. You have no time for your own aspirations.
  3. You struggle with commitment.
  4. You’re not fulfilled by the relationship
  5. You’re exhausted from responsibilities and obligations.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these reasons and discuss how they may relate to you, along with advice on how to remedy these issues before you decide to end the relationship.

You need to read this article: Can an avoidant and secure relationship work?

Reasons Why You Want To Be Single

reasons why you want to be single, why you want to be single even though you're in a relationship

1. You want to rediscover your identity

While nurturing love and commitment in a relationship is incredibly rewarding, it’s not uncommon for couples to experience a blending of identities because of it. 

You start to adopt a pattern of thinking, talking, and acting that veers away from who you used to be. 

This may not be a monumental issue, but it does create feelings of confusion and frustration. 

You may miss who you were and yearn for a time in your life when you were unapologetically yourself. It’s normal to feel this way, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be single. 

Instead, you could invest more time in personal solitude without offending or neglecting your partner. 

Rather than doing everything as a unit, you could venture out on your own to accomplish certain feats with the distant support of your partner. 

Rediscovering and maintaining a sense of individuality while balancing your role as a partner in a relationship is possible through this approach.

Make a list of what you want to accomplish for yourself and make time for it.

2. You have no time for your own aspirations

You have limited time in your day, and that makes it difficult to do everything you want. 

It’s tempting and rewarding to sink all of your time into a relationship that you love, but that can leave little room for what you want.

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This can make someone want to be single when they’re in a relationship because we all tend to look back at the past through rose-tinted glasses.

When you were single, you may have had loads of time for yourself. In fact, you probably thought about what you want all the time without feeling stressed out about how it may affect a romantic partner.

Now, you lovingly prioritize your relationship over yourself. That’s okay some of the time. Other times, you have to put yourself first.

There’s nothing selfish or bad about taking care of yourself. 

You can’t share anything from an empty cup. 

Each and every one of us needs time for self-care, self-actualization, and personal fulfillment to show up in our relationships with love and enthusiasm.

Even if it’s just an hour in your day, unplug from everyone and everything and spend some time with yourself. 

3. You struggle with commitment

Anyone who has been through significant trauma in their life related to relationships or trust tends to struggle with commitment if they haven’t healed enough from it.

Your attachment style, which develops in childhood, can also affect your response to commitment and expectations in relationships.

It takes work, courage, vision, patience, and deep conversations to navigate commitment issues and deep-rooted fears.

Wanting to be single when you’re in a relationship that is healthy and fine can be a symptom of an avoidant attachment style.

You have to accept it and develop coping mechanisms to deal with this intrinsic issue, or else you’ll always find yourself yearning to be single, regardless of who you are involved with or the state of the relationship.

You need to read this article: What is the worst attachment style for relationships?

4. You’re not fulfilled by the relationship

Some people lose fulfillment in their relationships because they are constantly chasing the burning desire that comes from uncertainty and the novelty of a new person.

Others lose fulfillment because they outgrow their partners or grow apart.

Boredom within a healthy relationship can easily be rectified with some space, healthy courtship, and venturing out of the monotony.

These changes can restore your passion for each other and create fulfillment.

You have to explore yourself and think about what you want from the relationship. Then, voice it to your partner. 

Give them a fair chance to work with you towards restoring excitement and passion within the relationship. 

But, if you have completely outgrown each other or there are fundamental differences that create significant incompatibility, a strong desire to be single manifests.

You may start fantasizing about someone else—not even a real person, but an image of someone who would inspire fulfillment and passion within you.

This happens, and it stinks.

But, most of the romantic relationships in your life will end at some point or another.

If you are unfulfilled, you have to determine whether it stems from the regular boredom that comes with a long-term, secure relationship or if there are fundamental differences between the two of you without a mutual desire to work on them.

5. You’re exhausted from responsibilities and obligations

Work, family, health, friends, finances, love, fitness, and children can consume your life. As you get older, responsibilities and obligations pile up. 

They’re rewarding and give you a sense of purpose in life.

Tangled in all these expectations, you may find yourself struggling to find any room to breathe. It’s hard to feel relaxed, passionate, romantic, or loving when you are overwhelmed and exhausted.

Naturally, you may fantasize about a time when you were free.

This would explain why you want to be single when you’re in a relationship.

It’s not about the relationship but more about how you feel as a person. Your mind and body are desperately yearning for some ‘me time’. 

Give it what it’s asking for.

You can be single while you’re in a relationship. I’m not talking about violating boundaries or trust by entertaining other people.

I am referring to setting aside time and space for yourself when necessary, free from control or guilt from your partner.

Final Thoughts

While it seemingly sounds insane to say that you can be single in a relationship, it’s actually a sensible idea that hinges on you communicating your needs as an individual to your partner and making time for those needs.

You’d be surprised at how excited and passionate you become about your relationship once you find some balance in your life.

But, you have to start communicating your needs to your partner. I’m sure that they would prefer that much more than if you were to bottle these emotions up until you felt overwhelmed and driven to end the relationship.

Don’t just tell your partner that you want to be single. 

Explain to them how you’re feeling and what you think could help the relationship while reassuring them.

Then, work with them towards finding a mix between time together and time apart that fulfills both of you.

That brings us to the end of this article on why you want to be single when you’re in a relationship. If you need my help, check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package.

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