Jealousy is a nasty emotion. It can influence you to lash out and project your insecurity onto others. Unfortunately, it also has the ability to ruin a perfectly healthy relationship if it’s not controlled. In this article, I’m going to answer the following question – why do I get jealous when my boyfriend talks to another girl?
You get jealous when your boyfriend talks to another girl because you feel insecure or have trust issues that stem from the past. Alternatively, your boyfriend may have given you a reason to feel jealous by not respecting the boundaries in your relationship or by speaking inappropriately to others before.
There’s also the possibility that you have an unhealthy relationship with possessiveness or ownership in a relationship.
As such, you place an unrealistic restriction or expectation on your boyfriend to not communicate with another girl in any circumstance because you feel like it’s reserved for you alone.
Needless to say, being jealous to this extent can have detrimental effects on your relationship and happiness.
I’m glad that you have taken the first step in improving yourself by acknowledging that you are being jealous.
This is absolutely the right thing to do because it enables you to hold yourself accountable when it happens uncontrollably.
The first step to recovery is acknowledgment and you’re giving a name to a feeling that is influencing your behavior.
The next step is to understand why you feel this way and then we can talk about some solutions for this problem.
With that being said, let’s get into all the reasons why you get jealous when your boyfriend talks to another girl.
1. You feel insecure
Insecurity is one of the main reasons why most people end up feeling jealous in a relationship.
Mixed with anxiety and fear, the mind will search for reasons and past events that affirm the doubts and fear that you experience.
This ends up feeding into your insecurity and influencing you to express your jealousy.
Based on this, we can assume that the jealousy you feel when your boyfriend talks to another girl is just a symptom of insecurity.
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2. You have trust issues
I’ve come to realize that trust is volatile and once broken, it takes a lot of work to repair.
It can be repaired, that’s for sure.
But, if it isn’t and the relationship dies, then you end up walking away without any resolution to those issues.
Unresolved trust issues can often create jealousy because you’re afraid of the past repeating itself.
This makes you compare the situation you’re in now with that of the past and what we know is that comparison is the thief of joy.
3. Your boyfriend is not being respectful to your relationship
Let’s not get it twisted, the jealousy you’re experiencing can have some merit to it, especially if it stems from a failure on your boyfriend’s part.
By this, I simply mean that you would naturally feel jealous of your boyfriend talking to another girl if he isn’t communicating effectively with you.
You’re going to feel threatened and that will make you wonder why he isn’t directing that energy and enthusiasm towards communicating with you.
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4. Your boyfriend is speaking inappropriately
Not all of us are wired to maintain boundaries appropriately and perhaps your boyfriend is overstepping and being too flirty.
If that is the case, then it’s natural to feel jealousy and it’s a result of his behavior.
The best way to remedy this problem is by pointing out where and how he is speaking inappropriately to another girl and affirm what you consider to be acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
5. You have a problem with being overly possessive
Being possessive isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
We all tend to display some degree of possessiveness to the things and people we value.
But, left unchecked, it can wreak havoc on your mind and lead to some unhealthy arguments in a relationship.
As much as your boyfriend is your, he’s still an individual with an identity outside of you. You can’t allow yourself to view him as just your possession.
You’re not his owner and neither is he your owner.
And the beautiful thing about a relationship is that you don’t have to own or control someone in order for them to be with you.
The love they feel for you becomes the reason why they choose to be with you.
So, keep this in mind when you’re feeling extremely possessive and jealous.
It’s far better to have a boyfriend who chooses to be with you than to have one who you must constantly control and order around in order for him to be with you.
Jealousy grows in the latter because you are not giving him the freedom to choose you and in essence, prove your doubts to be wrong.
Tips on not being jealous when your boyfriend talks to another girl
To some degree, you may always feel some jealousy when your boyfriend talks to other girls but what’s important is emotional self-control.
Before lashing out at him or projecting your insecurity, recognize how you’re feeling. Acknowledge that you feel jealous and then analyze the situation.
Ask yourself the following questions, if the roles were reversed, would my boyfriend have grounds for feeling jealous right now?
If the answer is Yes, then there’s something that you should identify and communicate with your boyfriend.
You would have to figure out what about his behavior is overstepping your boundaries and then point it out to him. Find out if he noticed this as well and whether it was intentional or not.
If the answer is No, then the problem lies within you and it’s most likely a case of insecurity or trust issues based on past experiences.
Even in those instances, it’s not a bad idea to talk about this with your boyfriend. Let him know you’re feeling but do not fight or lash out.
If he’s a good guy, I’m willing to bet that he’ll hear you out and provide you with the support you need.
Additionally, he will make the necessary changes to his behavior that is respectful to you and your relationship when talking to another woman.
I’d also like to point out that the nature of the conversation is something to consider.
Your boyfriend should not be having conversations with another woman who likes him that encourages them. This is something that you need to address and he needs to cut it off.
Whether it was a mistake or not, he needs to take ownership of that and be respectful to you by cutting it off and being better going forward.
Another tip, don’t waste your time trying to insult another woman.
It’s a pointless endeavor that will make you look more insecure and it will feed your insecurity as well.
When you can manage your emotions but exercising control over them instead of acting on them impulsively, they will stop controlling you.
Related post: How to stop being jealous once and for all
I completely understand what you’re going through right now. Nobody enjoys feeling jealous and it can cause so much havoc in your life.
But, I’m hoping that understanding why you feel this way can help you to deal with the source of the problem once and for all.
What I know is that if you’re willing to work on this issue and your boyfriend is respectful and honest, he will work with you to improve the relationship and overcome this issue with jealousy.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be insightful and eye-opening. Please leave your questions and thoughts in the comment section below. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.