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Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? (Explained)

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why do breakups hit guys later, breakups hit guys later, breakups affect men later

The age-old cliche about men being happy immediately after a breakup only to end up depressed and sad months later seems to be true. There’s actually some merit behind this and I know why. In this article, I’m going to finally answer the popular question, why do breakups hit guys later?

Typically, men avoid their feelings of sadness, depression and loneliness by drowning themselves in social activities or dating other women. Unfortunately, no amount of avoidance or dating can erase unprocessed emotions which is why guys suffer months after a breakup instead of immediately afterward.

This could be traced back to their upbringing, cultural background and social stigma that brainwashes them into believing that emotional vulnerability is frowned upon in men.

In reality, this lack of emotional healing results in damaged men who end up damaging other people while ruining their own lives. 

It’s a toxic cycle that needs to be broken, especially for future generations to have healthier and better relationships. 

There’s a balance that can be achieved by encouraging both men and women to have open conversations about their feelings.

This can be taught in schools and in homes.

Looking back on my own life, I’ve suffered for a prolonged period of time after a breakup because I tried to avoid my own pain when that relationship ended. 

I lacked the tools required to process emotions of abandonment, loss, loneliness and sadness.

So, I ran from my emotions.

I ended up dating just two or three weeks after my breakup and each time, I’d end up back where I started while ruining potential partnerships because I was not ready to move on nor had I processed my emotions after the breakup.

Some guys realize only after dating that you cannot replace one person in place of another. You have to move on from your ex before even thinking about finding someone else.

So, when they realize this, the effects of the breakup finally manifest and they get hit with the emotions they suppressed or escaped.

Other men never realize this and go down a cyclical path, repeating the same mistakes and ruining relationships over and over again.

A few men understand how emotions work and actually take the time to heal and recover by experiencing their pain after a breakup until they’re ready to date again.

If you would like a step-by-step explanation on how to get an ex back or to re-attract someone who lost interest, grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. I put this guide together for serious students of the game who want to cut through the fluff and get results in their love life. Click Here To Check It Out! 

With that being said, let’s discuss in more detail why breakups hit guys later.

They don’t know how to process their emotions

As I touched on earlier, I never really understood the nuances of processing emotions and this plagued me throughout my teens and early 20’s. 

It was only until I read a book called Letting Go by David R Hawkins that I was able to truly understand how most people either suppress, escape or express their feelings but this is not the appropriate way to process them.

To overcome overthinking and those painful emotions, you must surrender to those feelings and allow them to pass through you.

If you don’t, then they will rule you.

So, when I was dumped a long time back, the only way I could deal with those emotions under my limited understanding was to escape, suppress and express them.

This resulted in poor decisions and many failed rebound relationships that piled on the pain of having to deal with the real issue, my feelings for my ex.

Thankfully, I unintentionally quit trying to run from those feelings and that actually ended up resolving them. A few months later, I found myself feeling happy and open to love again.

My story is a cliche for how a lot of guys deal with breakups and it really boils down to a lack of understanding on how to process painful emotions.

Related post: Is my ex over me or just angry?

They’re in denial

Given their lack of ability to process emotions, I wouldn’t be surprised if some guys refused to believe their relationship is over.

They hold onto hope for an indefinite period of time before reality dawns on them.

When it does, that’s when the breakup hits and they’re plunged into panic and pain.

In fact, you may find that they agree to friendship and play along until they end up getting rejected again.

That’s when things become real for these guys. 

It’s unfortunate because their pain is just delayed and when it does strike, it’s sometimes unbearable.

Related post: Is he thinking about me after the breakup?

They’re rebounding instead of recovering

This one should come as no surprise but far too many people jump into rebound relationships or dating after a breakup.

They appear happy and loving their life but on the inside, they’re volatile and desperately trying to escape the inevitable.

Those feelings will surface and when they do, those rebound relationships pay the price and these guys end up facing the pain of losing you and their new rebound partner.

It’s an unhealthy way of dealing with a breakup because another party is being dragged into this mess without realizing what they’re signing up for.

Related post: Why rebound relationships fail!

They’re incapable of being by themselves without suffering

Nobody sets out to be codependent but it’s a side effect of being too dependent on a relationship and partner.

When you’re also susceptible to codependency, you can only imagine the suffering you would go through when your partner leaves.

I’m a living example of someone who has been through codependency and it feels like you’re losing a limb.

Honestly, I struggle with this and it’s something that has made recovery after a breakup infinitely harder for me.

But, thankfully, I’ve embraced a growth mindset and I know that it takes ongoing work to work through these issues.

I’ve made a tremendous effort to overcome my codependency and anxious attachment style but not without a great deal of suffering.

Before this, I would constantly need a relationship or courtship in my life to even function.

It was too unbearable to be alone because, for some reason, I could not deal with my anxiety and my demons from the past.

All that has changed now because I worked through it and the added advantage of overcoming these issues is that I can spot it in other people clearly.

And I know that men who are codependent and who struggle to be with themselves cannot handle a breakup.

So, they’ll do anything to escape how they feel by indulging in vices or drowning themselves in work.

That’s why they suffer so much longer after the breakup and so much later into the breakup. 

Related post: How to cope with a broken heart

In conclusion

If you’re a guy and you’re reading this article, I sincerely hope that you take heed to what was said above and seek out ways to process your emotions or you will spend years or decades of your life with unresolved baggage and pain from failed relationships.

The cost of avoiding or escaping your feelings is too much to pay.

You have to deal with this stuff so that you open yourself up to the possibility of being truly happy and in love again.

It will be painful and it will be a long process but you can come out of it a much stronger, mature and happier guy.

And if you’re a girl who is reading this because your ex-boyfriend seems happy after the breakup and moved on in no time whatsoever, just know that this is his poor attempt at damage control.

Don’t hurt yourself by feeling like you were not significant enough because he seemingly moved on so quickly.

Trust me, that’s not the case, not even for narcissists. 

With that being said, I hope you found this article on “why do breakups hit guys later” to be eye-opening and informative. If you have any questions or thoughts on this topic, feel free to let me know by visiting the comment section below.

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