Dealing with an avoidant is difficult. Things could be progressing well until they suddenly disappear. Most of us are left wondering, why do avoidants ghost? Here’s the truth.
The reason why avoidants ghost is because confrontation is too scary and uncomfortable for them. To avoid the discomfort of rejecting you or being vulnerable, the avoidant ghosts you and disappears. It could be random and unexpected, but the avoidant will ghost you as soon as they feel overwhelmed by anxiety or fear.
What you want to keep in mind is the way in which an avoidant views discomfort and responsibility.
As much as avoidants want to do what’s right and want to meet their responsibilities, their aversion to discomfort sometimes supersedes logic and reason.
In a state of anxiety, fear, and/or pressure, the avoidant considers what they should do versus what they feel like doing.
Most of us are aware that it is respectful, considerate, and morally correct to inform someone of our intentions and choices.Â
When you are romantically involved with someone, there is an expectation on you to consider their feelings and to meet your responsibilities, even if that means being uncomfortable at times.
Vocalizing and expressing your desire to leave or end a relationship/courtship is highly uncomfortable.
The avoidant is aware of how rejection feels and how you may react to it.
When they weigh the importance of talking to you about their feelings versus running away from you and disappearing, the latter appears easier and simpler.
They’re so overwhelmed by the fear of uncomfortable conversations that evasion appeals to them.
If I’m not mistaken, the people who are most prone to ghosting are those with an avoidant attachment style.
I don’t think most people get any joy out of disappointing someone.
Perhaps, the avoidant can tell how wonderful you are and how invested you’ve become.
To let you down and upset you creates feelings of guilt, regret, and shame.Â
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Rather than deal with it in a healthy and mature way, the avoidant ghosts you.
In this case, their aversion to hurting you is what motivated them to actually hurt you.
It sounds ludicrous, but it’s true.
So, as much as it would be easy for me to sit here and say that avoidants ghost people because they don’t care about them, I would be generalizing them unfairly.
There are genuinely cases of avoidants who care a lot about someone and still ghost them out of fear of hurting them.
Another popular reason why avoidants ghost is because of habit.
When an avoidant develops a pattern for dealing with a specific uncomfortable position, they fall back into that behavior whenever they experience that situation again.
Even if they don’t want to, it’s all they know.
Life reflex, they react in that manner only to reconsider their decision down the line.
It’s hard to get through to an avoidant who has a pattern of ghosting.
They are plunged into deeper anxiety and fear by resisting their habit of ghosting in a particular situation.
Without a plan of action and a coping strategy that works, inevitably, they will ghost you.Â
You need to read this article: My ex reached out and then went silent.
What To Do When An Avoidant Disappears
You need to reach out to the avoidant at least once.
This is more for you than for the avoidant.
By reaching out to the avoidant, you give yourself the chance to have some closure if the avoidant is ghosting you and doesn’t plan to come back.
Let this message be one that does justice to your character as a person.
Don’t lash out, forceful, or insulting.
You want to express yourself clearly and respectfully.
But, be sure to say what you want and to explain how you feel.
Thereafter, do nothing.
Let the avoidant go and do not contact the avoidant after this.
Trying to force the avoidant back into your life is the quickest way to push them away.
You need to disarm the avoidant when they are anxious and fearful.
What the avoidant expects is for you to chase them.
By not chasing them, they are left with silence and a loss of your attention.
That’s when the avoidant will have to move onto the next stage of their process which is to experience loneliness and desire for love again.
This can be extremely uncomfortable for someone who is afraid of being by themselves.
That’s when the avoidant will question their decision to ghost you.
You need to read this article: What are avoidants attracted to?
Will The Avoidant Come Back?
Yes, the avoidant will come back when you leave them alone and they start to feel the anxiety and fear of being alone or single.
At that point, they will reconsider their decision and start their cycle all over again.
The desire for love and companionship will cast doubt on the avoidant.
When this happens, they’ll debate whether to contact you again or not.
If they can’t get the kind of attention and affection they want from anyone else or if they are still in love with you, they will most likely come back.
But, you have to avoid chasing them during this time.
If the avoidant didn’t have a strong enough bond with you or if they moved on to the next person, then they may not come back for a long time or at all.
You need to read this article: How to end the fearful avoidant chase.
Final Thoughts
What you need to consider is if you are willing to entertain this kind of behavior in your life.
Personally, I don’t want to deal with an avoidant who is willing to ghost me.
You have to be with someone who is making a conscious effort to fight against their toxic habits.
It is not your duty to fix an avoidant, nor can you.
A person is only capable of overcoming their avoidant attachment style if they want to and have committed to working on it.
If an avoidant ghosts you, focus on healing and moving on. Something or another would have caused them to run away eventually. More often than not, it’s unavoidable.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on why do avoidants ghost to be insightful and eye-opening. If you would like my help with a situation like this, please check out my services page for more information on how to get in touch with me via email.