Are you familiar with the idea that nice guys finish last? As much as that holds true for men, it’s actually a universal issue that applies to anyone and everyone. There are some people who will be mean and unfairly prejudicial to nice people, and it may not appear to make any sense. But, there are a few reasons why people are mean to nice people.
After carefully examining different opinions and explanations while exploring my own experience as someone who was overly nice, I’ve collected a list of reasons why people are mean to nice people.
- There is no fear of loss or confrontation with a nice person, so they can afford to be mean to them.
- Nice people are too accommodating and accepting of all types of behavior.
- Nice people shy away from expressing their boundaries, making it easy to cross them.
- Miserable people want to make others feel miserable, and nice people are easy targets due to their warm and soft demeanor.
- Some people suspect unnatural niceness as a facade or manipulative tactic. People are usually turned off by fakeness, so they resort to mean remarks and actions.
Do you think it’s possible to go through life without encountering people who are mean to you?
When I was younger, I assumed that if I was extra nice and soft, people would never have a problem with me.
That idea turned out to be untrue and came with unforeseen consequences.
Not only did I encounter and interact with people who were mean to me, but I also failed to stand up for myself. Being nice to people who are mean and disrespectful doesn’t always disarm them.
Sometimes, they interpret your niceness as a reward for their rude behavior, and they end up taking advantage of your niceness because there’s no fear of consequences.
Respect may greatly influence how we treat each other, but fear of consequences has a much greater influence on behavior.
As an adult, you should know that if you speak to the wrong person meanly or rudely, there’s a chance that you could end up in an altercation.
Granted, that’s not a good thing, but it’s this fear that makes people tread lightly and more respectfully around others.
In a way, most of that fear is completely stripped away when you are nice without boundaries.
Is Being Nice The Reason Why People Are Bad To You?
Here’s the kicker.
Being nice isn’t the problem.
A lack of boundaries is the problem.
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If you’re a nice person who is unafraid of standing up for yourself or expressing your boundaries, fewer people will be mean to you repeatedly.
We teach people how to treat us through our words, body language, and actions.
You can’t stop someone from choosing to be mean to you, but you have complete control over your reaction to it.
I’m not encouraging you to fight with them, but develop firm boundaries. Call them out on their behavior without resorting to violence or offensive language. Maintain your composure, but address how you feel about what they said or did.
Perhaps, you don’t have to do this with a stranger. In most cases, it’s best to just ignore it and walk away.
But, with someone who claims to be a figure in your life, it is imperative that you stand up for yourself.
The reason I brought up that question about going through life without encountering someone who is mean to you is to shed light on an important point.
You don’t have to allow mean, rude, disrespectful, and miserable people to change you.
Don’t give them that degree of power over you.
Let’s say that you stopped being nice; you’ll still meet people who are mean to you.
Whoever you are, be the best version of that. Nothing more and nothing less.
But, at the same time, don’t be afraid to express your needs and your boundaries.
If someone refuses to respect and accept your boundaries, you have the right to walk away and not deal with that person again.
In the event that you can’t cut them off, you can limit all your interactions with them, and this is also an expression of boundaries.
This is something that I have adopted in my life.
I’m not willing to change my entire self to cater to those who have treated me poorly. Instead, I find ways to be the best version of myself while limiting my time around those people.
If you and I are investing so much effort and time into being nice, kind, polite, respectful, and accommodating, why should we be overly tolerant of people who make no effort to be any of those things towards us?
People like that don’t deserve access to you, and that requires you to exercise some degree of power, self-respect, and self love to keep them at arm’s length.
You need to read this article: Why nice guys finish last
Why Being Nice Gets You Rejected
In romantic relationships, just being nice almost always lands you in the friend zone or the ignored zone.
Why is that the case?
Let’s think about it for a second.
Romantic relationships stir up a host of powerful, passionate, and engaging emotions.
I’m talking about love, desire, fear, shyness, nervousness, anxiety, and much more.
Niceness doesn’t really evoke much emotion other than general fondness or indifference.
There’s no variability in niceness, and someone who is only nice fails to stimulate many emotions in others.
Being nice all the time casts doubt and uncertainty about your authenticity or confidence as a person.
Nobody is just one thing.
We all go through different moods, have different sides to us, and display different behaviors.
There’s beauty, passion, and grace in the complexity of a personality.
When someone is monotone or consistently nice without any other emotion or behavior, it translates as suspicious and fake to others.
If you want to impress people, show them how nice you are, but you’ll struggle to connect with a single one of them.
If you want to connect with people, show them who you really are, flaws and all.
That’s something I learned from the great Ed Mylett, and he is absolutely correct about this.
When it comes to sales, you convert better by connecting with and solving people’s problems.
It’s the same in most areas of life.
True connection is built on the foundation of strengths and weaknesses. A side effect of this authenticity is the development of trust and respect.
What we know about love is that it cannot exist without the presence of trust and respect.
People are not willing to invest in someone they don’t believe in or trust.
So, they may come across as mean to you, but that’s just the way people are.
Romantically speaking, they overlook, friend zone, or ignore someone who is just nice because they are not emotionally stimulated by niceness alone.
Don’t just try to be nice.
Try to be yourself!
You need to read this article: How to stop being a nice guy
Key Takeaways:
- People are mean to nice guys and nice girls because there’s no fear of consequences.
- Nice people struggle to express their boundaries which is why other people feel comfortable repeatedly treating them meanly.
- Being overly nice can sometimes come across as insincere or inauthentic which upsets or triggers other people to be abrasive.
- In romantic relationships, niceness doesn’t stimulate any powerful emotion. This is one of the main reasons why nice guys and nice girls get friendzoned or ignored.
- Rather than abandoning your nice nature, learn how to express your boundaries.
- Be selective about who deserves to remain in your life. If someone is mean or rude to you for not reason, limit your contact with them.
Final Thoughts
My heart goes out to you because I know how it feels to be walked over and treated poorly for no apparent reason.
But, it doesn’t mean that you should abandon the parts of yourself that make you feel good and confident.
If being nice is something that comes naturally to you, don’t change that just because other people are mean to you.
Instead, choose to be around better people.
Those who are mean to you are just disqualifying themselves from enjoying your company and kindness.
If there’s anything you need to take away from this article, let it be that it is important to have boundaries.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be insightful and helpful. If you’d like to work with me directly, be sure to check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package. If you’re tired of being rejected or dumped, grab a copy of my eBook by clicking here.