Why Am I Shy To Talk To A Girl?


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Do you keep embarrassing yourself because you are too shy to talk to a girl? Are you sick and tired of being so afraid of girls? Well, I get it. I used to be you. To fix this, you need to understand why. So, in today’s article, we are going to answer the following question, why am I shy to talk to a girl?

You are shy to talk to a girl because you lack self-esteem, you may be introverted or you’re intimidated by how beautiful or smart she is. 

I can relate to all of the above because I was a shy guy who had self-esteem problems and I usually felt intimidated by beautiful girls.

It was hard for me to even consider flirting because I’d freeze in front of a girl I liked or felt attracted to.

However, I was able to grow out of this by focusing more on having a good time than impressing a girl.

This was something that I learned unconsciously and unexpectedly. I gave up on the idea of becoming a suave and charming guy. In doing so, I ended up behaving and speaking like a suave and charming guy.

How ironic is that! 

With that being said, let’s discuss each of the reasons why you are shy to talk to a girl. 

Thereafter, I’ll share some valuable tips on how to talk to a girl even if you are shy and nervous. 

We’ll also talk about building confidence and self esteem so that you never have to feel like what you have to say is not worth being heard. 

Related post: How to meet a girl if you are shy

You lack self-esteem

I’ve noticed that when I really dig into the core reason why a lot of guys struggle to communicate with women, it often leads back to a self-esteem problem.

This was something I dealt with myself.

I was a chubby kid in my early years. I never thought about it until a group of cousins and friends my age made fun of me for being chubby.

Suddenly, I became very self-conscious about it. The problem is that when you start fixating on a flaw, you start to find more of them. They all become highlighted.

This really affected my self esteem.

Then, in my very late teens, I started to breakout with acne.

This was one of the worst experiences because people would point it out to me as if I was blind to my own skin.

My confidence shattered during this period and I remember looking at the ground when talking to people because I was so afraid of being judged. I was ashamed of the way I looked.

Thankfully, this experience pushed me towards self improvement.

I lost a lot of weight and cleared up my skin by the time I turned 21.

By this point, I gained a ton of confidence.

However, it wasn’t the weight loss or clear skin that helped me gain confidence.

It was the fact that I worked towards accomplishing my goals of losing weight and eating healthier to clear my skin that made me feel strong, confident and bold.

This ended up translating into my dating life because I started to view myself as someone who was strong-willed, smart, hard-working, disciplined and humble. 

My confidence skyrocketed from this point onward. 

The point I’m trying to make is that when you lack self-esteem and self-worth, it’s difficult to feel confident in what you have to offer. 

You’ll always feel doubt about whether people like you and this will prevent you from even putting yourself in a position of being judged even if it seems ridiculous to fear that. 

When you build self-esteem, being able to talk to a girl despite being shy will be easy. 

Related post: How to impress a girl

You may be introverted

Sometimes, people mistake being introverted for lacking confidence but they are not one and the same. 

As an introvert, you may be shy talking to a girl during the very first interaction but as time goes on, that shyness dissipates, you start to feel more comfortable and the conversation starts to flow with ease.

It’s not something to be embarrassed of or something that needs fixing.

What you can do, though, is work on speeding up the time it takes for you to feel comfortable while talking to a girl you find attractive.

A simple fix for an introvert is to choose a location that you’re comfortable with as well as practice talking to girls until it becomes easier. 

You’re intimidated by beautiful or smart girls

Some guys have the trouble of placing women on a pedestal.

What I mean by this is that they value women so highly above themselves that it’s practically impossible to talk to them as equal.

Obviously, you’re going to be shy talking to a girl if in your eyes, she’s practically a goddess and you’re nothing more than a peasant. 

By doing this, I feel like you’re cheating her and yourself on the possibility of a great conversation, if not more.

It’s far more productive and sensible to view all women as your equal while maintaining a great deal of respect for them.

In doing so, you’ll treat them in a respectful manner without demeaning yourself in the process to the point of not even being able to talk to them.

Beautiful and smart women are just like you and me. They have flaws. They have off days. They wake up with morning breath. They fart. They poop. They’re human beings. View and treat them like one.

Here’s the thing, it’s okay to be shy. It’s okay to be intimidated.

But, what’s not okay is allowing those emotions to ruin or sabotage your love life just because you view someone as beautiful or smart. 

Those attributes ought to excite you.

Instead of closing up, you should be excited about opening up and having a conversation with someone you find attractive! 

Related post: How to talk to a beautiful woman

Tips on talking to a girl for shy guys

Rather than trying to prevent or stop a natural feeling, let’s work around it by using some tactics that reduce shyness or make you feel more comfortable talking to a girl.

One of the simplest things to do is practice what you want to say beforehand.

If you’re not good with words or impromptu conversations, practice your opening line in advance.

Keep it simple, short and sweet.

Don’t try to be anything other than you are because that will make you feel under more pressure. 

Instead, be honest and own your shyness.

Women find it attractive when a guy lets them know that he’s shy but couldn’t resist getting to know her. They view this as courageous.

To be courageous, you obviously have some sense of confidence.

What we know about confidence is that it’s highly attractive to women.

So, own your shyness. 

Furthermore, choose a location that you are familiar with.

This will reduce your nervousness because it’s one less unfamiliar factor to consider.

Since you’re used to feeling comfortable in a specific environment, it’s easier to just focus on dealing with shyness for talking to a girl.

Additionally, ask her open ended questions.

This is the easiest thing to do when trying to have a conversation.

It shifts the burden of carrying the conversation on her whilst you lead it towards your desired conclusion.

Asking her questions will give you a bit more information to work with when trying to establish some rapport with her.

Avoid yes or no type questions, unless it’s about asking her out or getting her number.

Lastly, have a goal in mind.

In other words, know what you’re trying to get out of the interaction.

Do you want her number? Her Instagram? Do you want to ask her out for coffee? 

Whatever it may be, plan it in advance so you know where to lead the conversation too.

Related post: 10 Dating tips for shy guys

Tips on building confidence and self-esteem

So far, I’ve shared a few practical tips on actually talking to a girl but that’s just surface-level solutions. 

The root cause is your level of confidence and self-esteem or lack thereof. 

If you can build confidence and self-esteem, this will no longer be much of an issue for you. 

From personal experience, I can tell you that confidence stems from personal accomplishment.

By accomplishing goals, you will inadvertently develop character traits that make you more confident. 

You will become more disciplined, hard working, strong willed, committed and courageous.

All of which will make you more confident because these accomplishments will prove that you are capable of so much.

So, start by improving yourself physically while also internally developing into a person who has the above-mentioned characteristics. 

Another way to build confidence and self-esteem to talk to a girl without being shy is to actually talk to girls.

Perhaps, part of your problem is fear based. 

Not wanting to be judged or rejected can make a lot of guys run away from trying to talk to a girl.

This is counterintuitive because it guarantees failure.

You have more to gain by trying to talk to a girl even if you get rejected than from running away or not trying at all.

The more you practice, the easier it becomes.

Once you face failure and realize that it won’t break you or kill you, it loses that level of control over you. 

In time, talking to girls won’t be such a daunting or exhausting experience for you. In fact, it may turn into something you seek out all the time. 

That’s what happened to me. 

And if it could happen to me, it could happen to anyone. 

Related post: How to talk to a shy girl

In conclusion

To summarize – The reason why you are shy to talk to a girl is because you might lack self esteem, you may be introverted or you are intimidated by beautiful and smart girls.

Thankfully, you can solve or work around most of these issues by focusing on developing your confidence as a man as well as minimizing the number of factors that make you feel shy or afraid.

To conquer any fear or problem, you must be willing to face it. 

Put differently, to conquer your shyness for talking to girls, you must do it more often despite feeling afraid, nervous or shy. 

In time, through self-improvement and practice, you will develop a deeper understanding of how to talk to girls and how to be more confident.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on why am I shy to talk to a girl to be informative, helpful and insightful. If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment down below.

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