Do This When Your Girlfriend Chooses Her Friends Over You!

When your girlfriend chooses her friends over you, it is imperative that you examine the situation and determine if she doesn’t respect or value you. Depending on what you find, you should respond to the situation clearly and assertively. It is disrespectful to yourself to allow your partner to behave inappropriately and inconsiderately without standing up for yourself. 

When your girlfriend chooses her friends over you, it is your obligation to choose yourself over her. What she’s essentially communicating to you is that, in the hierarchy of importance in her life, you are not even on the same level of importance as her friends. Why would you be in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t value you enough?

As a man, I would never make someone my girlfriend unless I was prepared to prioritize them above everyone else except my immediate family. 

There are times when my friends may be a priority to me over her, but by default, she will have more status and importance in my life. Her opinions and feelings will matter to me, especially in my decision-making process.

I wouldn’t ask my friends anything before making a purchase on something expensive or before changing something about my lifestyle, but I would definitely involve my girlfriend in that process. She would have that level of importance in my life because she holds a special role, just like my family does.

If you’re operating from the same space that I am, there’s a clear discrepancy between the way you view her and the relationship and the way she views you and the relationship.

At this point, you’re disrespecting yourself by remaining with someone who chooses their friends over you.

Don’t get me wrong; there are limitations to this.

If you’re being silly and immature by competing with her friends over anything and everything, then you’re being ridiculous and pushing her away.

But, if she’s clearly violating a boundary of yours or she’s hanging around friends who are not a good influence on her or the relationship, then you are not being unreasonable for voicing your reservations.

Let me be honest with you.

There are many women out there who will accuse you of being insecure for not wanting her to be friends with guys.

I don’t know where you stand on this matter, but I am firmly against it.

I’m not saying that she has to pretend that they don’t exist, but I’m not prepared to entertain the idea of my girl hanging out with other guys, especially without me.

I’ve never met a single guy who just chose to be friends with a girl who didn’t have any desire to hook up with her.

I don’t know if some girls are under a delusion, but the majority of men use friendship to get close to her.

They’re just waiting and praying for an opportunity to escalate things.

There are some women who want a committed and loving relationship while still acting like they are single.

They want the relationship without the responsibilities that come with it.

That is not mature or respectful, whatsoever.

You’re already at a point where she doesn’t respect or value you enough. At this point, you may as well behave with as much dignity and self-respect as you have because she’s already one foot out of the door.

The situation has already reached a point where she’s choosing other people over you.

Staying with her or allowing things to progress sends an unspoken message that she has complete control over the relationship and that you are unprepared to walk away.

Now, you’ve extended the boundaries even more.

She’ll keep testing to see where your boundary lies, especially if she’s a woman who has questionable morals or integrity issues.

Are you going to wait until you find out one day that she’s been hanging out with a specific “guy” friend behind your back before you do something? 

By then, it’s too late. You’ll have to deal with the breakup and the damage that comes from being betrayed.

You need to read this article: Why does my girlfriend hide her phone?

Have a conversation with her

I am of the opinion that we should always choose to give our partners the benefit of the doubt by having a conversation with them.

Express your feelings to her in a non-confrontational manner.

This will provide her with an opportunity to change her behavior and accommodate your feelings.

Think of this conversation as a test to determine the state of your relationship and her behavior.

“Honey, I’m not comfortable with you choosing or seeing your friends in this situation because of this and that reason.” 

You want to be succinct, clear, and honest when providing your reasons.

Let’s use the example of other guys.

This is what I would say.

“Honey, I’m not comfortable with you hanging out with these guys because I don’t trust them or their intentions. From my experience, 99% of guys who remain friends would hook up with a female friend if the opportunity arose. I don’t hang out with other girls out of respect for you and our relationship, and I would expect the same from you. Also, I can’t take you or this relationship seriously if we can’t respect each other’s boundaries.”

You want to pay attention to what she says and how she reacts to this conversation.

She may be slightly defensive, but it is important to stand your ground and hold your masculine frame because if you truly believe that you aren’t being unreasonable, there’s no need for you to accept any rebuttals of your character.

Many women will test you by claiming that you’re insecure for feeling this way.

How you respond to this is important.

Don’t lash out or get defensive.

It is important to maintain your composure and reaffirm your stance.

“I’m not insecure. I just care about you and our relationship. I’m protective of what we have, and I’m simply letting you know how I feel.”

At that point, she needs to make a decision.

Please remember something: She should choose you. 

There’s no point in trying to force her. That defeats the whole point of having a conversation and giving her a chance to respect you.

What’s important is that you are prepared to walk away or downgrade the relationship if she doesn’t.

You need to read this article: How to tell if your girlfriend is losing interest

Don’t take her seriously anymore

If she dismisses your feelings and isn’t willing to compromise or accommodate you, then the only course of action at your disposal is to stop taking her seriously.

You could end the relationship, or you could downgrade it to something casual and inform her of your decision.

What you don’t want to do is allow the relationship to remain the same because she doesn’t respect you.

As a man, your actions have to be consistent with your words.

If you express clear boundaries and they are intentionally violated by your girlfriend, you have to enforce the consequences.

And in this case, the only consequence worthy of enforcement is to walk away or stop taking her seriously anymore.

If you don’t and she witnesses you chickening out of doing what is necessary and self-respectful, she’ll lose respect for you.

A woman who doesn’t respect you will never truly love you.

That will mark the beginning of the end of your relationship, and eventually, she’ll be the one to dump you or violate the relationship in worse ways.

If this triggers her to re-evaluate her choices and she earnestly and sincerely regrets losing you, then at that point, you can consider taking her seriously again, provided that she’s willing to respect you and prioritize you.

From that point on, she’ll fully comprehend the boundary, and if she cares about the relationship, she won’t violate it ever again.

You need to read this article: What is considered cheating in a relationship?

Final Thoughts

That brings us to the end of this article on what to do when your girlfriend chooses her friends over you.

Ordinarily, it shouldn’t be a competition.

You should never be put in a position to feel like your girlfriend values her friends over you. What this illustrates to me is a lack of appreciation and respect in the relationship.

People are more than capable of maintaining friendships while being in a relationship.

It’s all about good communication, respecting boundaries, and having your priorities in order.

As a man, you should be confident and secure in yourself.

But, even a secure man will feel insecure if his girlfriend does things to make him question his role and value.

So, yes, even if you are insecure, don’t just accept that at face value. Ask yourself why, and if you find that your girlfriend is behaving in a way that makes you feel insecure, then you have every right to express your discomfort to her.

Don’t just accept poor behavior because she’s calling you insecure.

Examine the situation logically and rationally.

Thereafter, deal with the situation in a manner that is respectful to both you and her.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on what to do when your girlfriend chooses her friends over you to be insightful and helpful. If you would like to work with me directly, check out my services page for more information on how to get in contact with me.