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Isn’t it weird how attraction works? When you’re making an effort and trying to be a loving and attentive guy, she wastes your time. But, when you stop caring she starts chasing you. I’ve been examining the psychology behind this situation and I’ve come up with a few solid answers.
Look, scarcity breeds value.
This is true on any level.
When something is hard to get, we place a higher degree of value on it. If everyone could have a Ferrari, would it be as special and premium as it is now? Absolutely not.
Why, though?
Well, part of it boils down to status and our desire to feel special.
Often, we attribute how we look, what we have, where we live, what we do and who we are with to be metrics that affect our status and value in society.
We want to feel like the person we are romantically involved with matches us and even elevates our status to some degree.
Now, I’m not saying that this is the only reason why we date.
Absolutely not.
Love is a huge proponent of relationships and who we are with.
But, we’re talking about attraction and how it affects our own perceived value and status.
Related post: Should a guy confess his feelings first?
Reasons Why She Starts Chasing You When You Stop Caring
1. Your value increases in her eyes
If a woman feels like you are not of a certain value, she’s not going to be very attracted to you.
That doesn’t mean she won’t be interested in you.
As I said, women are emotional creatures and even more than status, they want to be around someone who makes them feel good about themselves and loved.
Most men, on some level, understand this but the problem is how they respond to this information.
Because we know that women are emotional creatures, we assume that by bombarding them with our love and attention, they’ll just fall in love with us at the drop of a hat.
That’s not true.
If anything, giving her all your love and attention without her earning any of it or even wanting it will diminish your value in her eyes completely.
Why?
Because you just gave away the best parts of yourself for free.
She doesn’t have to work for it at all so it must not be that valuable.
That’s the message you are sending by chasing women and giving them your love unjustifiably.
But, when you withdraw your effort and affection, it’s going to have a positive effect.
Why?
Because only a man of value and self-respect would withdraw his attention from someone who isn’t interested.
Other men will stick around and continue to be rejected or friend-zoned.
The fact that you are willing to walk away means that you value yourself more than getting her validation.
That is a sign of strength and self-respect.
Both of which are considered attractive to all women.
2. Women like a challenge
Part of what makes a challenge so exciting is that it makes a woman feel like if she wins your attention, she’s going to feel special and important.
But, more so than that, a challenge isn’t boring.
Women want to feel like they’re in a love story and if you read any romance novel or movie, you’ll notice that the male lead character is depicted as a strong and challenging man.
The way people invest in each other is through action and effort.
Because you are constantly showering her with love, attention and effort, you’re not allowing her to invest in you.
How is she going to develop deep feelings for you without making an effort to connect, support and care for you?
You have to give women space to pursue you as well.
Now that you have withdrawn and stopped caring, your behavior probably reflects that.
She knows that you’re not going to make an effort anymore and so she’ll want to regain what was lost.
Thus, you become more of a challenge because you’re no longer doing and saying things to appease her.
3. Uncertainty is exciting and intoxicating
Have you ever heard a woman who was chasing a guy complain of being bored?
She may complain at times that she doesn’t know how he feels, that she doesn’t know where things are going, and so on and so forth.
And yet, she doesn’t quit or walk away.
She doesn’t jump ship and go to one of the guys who is chasing her.
Do you know why?
Because the challenge and the uncertainty are exciting.
She doesn’t know what’s going to happen next and so she has to live in the present moment.
That’s fun and amazing.
As long as the guy is interested and showing up in his masculine center to have dates, she’s in.
The problem is that when you were revealing and declaring all your emotions to her too early on, it stripped away all uncertainty.
You removed any opportunity for her to feel like she’s in a love story.
You also prevented her from thinking about you, missing you, contemplating about you to herself and friends as well as desiring affection from you.
Since you stopped caring, she now has an opportunity to experience all of that which is why she’s chasing you now.
Related post: Why less is more when texting a girl
4. Some people only realize the value of something once it’s lost
Typically, people who are fixated on the grass being greener elsewhere and who are perpetually focused on what’s missing in life fail to take account of the blessings in their life.
For them, it is only through loss that they realize the value of what they were given.
It’s unfortunate but it’s true.
Most of us are prone to this way of living.
We start to allow negative thoughts and greed influences us on a daily basis.
This is why it’s so important to count your blessings in life even if you are striving for more.
The truth of the matter is that she had to lose your affection and attention in order to appreciate it.
Now that you’ve withdrawn your effort, there’s a hole in her life and that is affecting her emotionally.
For that reason, she’s chasing you because only now is it dawning on her that there was value in your presence or role in her life.
Final Thoughts
I used to be a shy guy who watched too many romantic movies and believed every single thing women told me about how a man should be.
Instead of attracting women, I chased them away or ended up being mistreated because I failed to remain in my masculine core.
Take what works and leave the rest.
As you live and experience life, you’ll learn the ways of being that help you to get the kind of woman you deserve.
Perhaps, what you should take away from this article is that you are valuable enough to have someone who appreciates and loves you.
You don’t have to chase a woman and reward her with all your love before she has done anything to earn it.
Uphold your standards and take things slowly.
You’ll have much more success when you place a higher price on your love, attention and effort.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on what it means when you stop chasing she starts chasing you to be eye-opening and helpful in your love life. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me on this topic, please do so by visiting the comment section below to let me know.
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