Deciding when to let go of a long distance relationship can feel daunting, painful and confusing. I know this all too well because I’ve walked in your shoes before.
Much like any normal relationship, when you feel like the love is lost, your partner doesn’t fulfill you anymore, the distance has killed any and all closeness or if the relationship has turned toxic, it’s time to let go of a long-distance relationship.
I learned about this when my long distance relationship of 4 years ended in my early twenties.
For the most part, it was great. We longed for each other and that created an even stronger desire to be together.
But with time, like a tree that has outgrown the drip of nutrients, the requirements needed to sustain its growth was completely lacking.
The tree, much like the relationship, never grows beyond a certain point or ends up dying.
That’s the downside of being in a long distance relationship which lacks any strong plan.
The plan or the end goal has to be for both of you to completely close the distance.
To be together is the ultimate goal.
And although this fuels you on during the early months of a long distance relationship, the inability to make that a reality in a timeous fashion poses many risks.
Personally, it was a mix of the above-mentioned reasons for both my ex and me!
It was unfortunate that I didn’t possess the knowledge I do now because it would have given me enough clarity to prepare myself for the end.
Instead, I maintained a belief that with more hard work and undying belief, we could overcome the woes of a long distance relationship.
Unfortunately, even more than an in-person relationship, you need complete support from your partner in order for the relationship to withstand the heavy burden of distance.
Fast forward a few years and my current relationship is now long distance. And it’s by far the best relationship I’ve ever had because of all the lessons I’ve learned.
With that being said, let’s take a look at the signs of when to let go of a long distance relationship.
1. You don’t feel strongly about your partner anymore
Distance makes the heart grow fonder for a limited amount of time.
At a certain point, out of sight, out of mind becomes the new philosophy that dictates your feelings.
If you both haven’t found a way to close the distance of your relationship, eventually, one or both of you will start to feel less attached to the other.
It may not always happen, especially if you two are in a comfortable groove but that isn’t often the case.
The desire to make memories, be intimate, have a companion with you through good and bad times can be what makes or breaks a relationship depending on the circumstances at play.
- Have you started to feel less interested in your partner?
- Do you think more about an exciting new romance rather than your long distance relationship?
- Are you bored and disinterested in the relationship?
Think about these questions. They may not be a deal-breaker but being honest about these thoughts and feelings could help you make the right decision.
2. Your partner doesn’t feel strongly about you anymore
It’s not always easy to spot but when your partner becomes more distant with communication, doesn’t talk about the future anymore and seems disinterested in the relationship, there’s a likelihood that he or she is falling out of love.
The signs become more obvious as the disinterest begins to manifest even with ‘long distance’s intimacy’.
As this occurs, you will find yourself becoming the pursuer.
Your texts may go unanswered for hours or they’re short and disinterested.
They stop flirting with you and seem uninterested even in other forms of long distance intimacy.
You start to feel as if you’re not being roped into her life anymore, he or she is always busy and there’s a new barrier between you two that didn’t exist before.
3. You both have different long term goals
This one is quite important to consider because things often change.
Although you both may have agreed on a future plan, it’s possible you or your partner feel differently now.
And if that becomes the case, you have two options.
Compromise or walk away.
A compromise could mean that you both replan the future to fit both of your needs or that one of you decides to go along with the other’s plan.
Love dictates compromise, whether you’re close or far apart in distance.
But if neither of you feels like compromising, there’s not much either of you can do about it.
What’s important is to decide whether your future plan is worth sacrificing your relationship over.
If it is, well then there isn’t much to consider. The relationship has seen it’s last days.
4. The long distance relationship has turned toxic
I find this particular reason for ending a long distance relationship to be the most jarring and painful.
A relationship that was once light in your life could become a source of darkness.
And that hurts because you’ve invested so much time, energy and effort into it.
But, we can’t always predict the outcome of a relationship.
What is good today could be bad tomorrow. With that being said, what are the signs of a toxic long distance relationship?
- Your partner treats you like an inconvenience
- Infidelity and deceit
- Lies and manipulation
- Having to give up your desires, dreams, goals and life for the relationship to survive
- It has caused you to isolate yourself from everyone you love and care about
- Your partner punished you with the silent treatment after any disagreement or difference of opinion
If your long distance relationship has become a source of pain, immense stress, unhappiness and abuse, you should strongly consider letting go of it.
That’s not easy for me to say because I’m a strong advocate for not giving up on things but in this case, you’d be doing yourself a huge disservice by remaining in a toxic relationship.
A good relationship is one that makes you feel powerful, happy, peaceful and engaged. Keep that in mind when deciding when to let go of a long distance relationship.
5. You have feelings for someone else
Cheating and being dishonest is the worst thing you could do to someone.
Which is why I caution people to end a long distance relationship rather than be unfaithful.
In my mind, if you start to develop strong feelings for someone else while you’re in a relationship, then you clearly are not completely inlove with your partner.
It sucks but it’s a reality we ought to face.
Now, this could simply be a case of you being in a bad space and the loneliness caused you to develop some feelings for someone else.
What you decide to do with that is completely up to you.
But, if it comes to cheating or breaking up, always go with the latter.
Don’t cheat on your long distance partner and use that as an excuse to break up because that is disgraceful and weak.
If these feelings for someone else are legit and real, then you need to strongly consider letting go of your long distance relationship.
6. You’ve both outgrown each other or the relationship
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t encourage people to break up just because they’ve outgrown each other because this is something that can be worked on with a lot of time and effort.
But, given the circumstances, it’s quite possible that a long distance relationship makes it beyond inconvenient for two people to put in the work to resynchronize.
A relationship is dependant on mutual growth.
You’re choosing to travel this journey with someone. This means that there’s an understanding that you both will adapt and grow into the kind of people who can share the same journey.
If there’s friction between you two that is beyond compromise, it’s not unfair to opt-out of the relationship.
The idea of people outgrowing a relationship is not an uncommon one.
What you have to consider is whether you’ve both actually outgrown the relationship or you’re looking for an easy way out of putting in the work necessary to fix the issue.
Do what feels right in your soul
One of the things that have helped me to make better decisions and avoid living a life of regret is following my gut.
I do what feels right in my soul. When I know that I’ve exhausted every means necessary to fix something and it still remains broken, I can walk away from it without regret or uncertainty.
As you get older, peace of mind is something you will cherish. And this way of living has truly helped me achieve a peaceful state.
Do whatever you feel is necessary to do to fix the relationship. If nothing works and your gut is telling you to leave, it’s okay to do it.
The time is right and you will not be haunted by the decision.
With that being said, I wish you all the best in your long distance relationship and I hope things work out.
If you want to maximize the chances of you meeting someone who will not only knock your socks off but treat you in the manner that you deserve, then you need to know what you should look for in a...
When we invest ourselves in people who don’t care about us, we are doing a disservice to ourselves and to the people who genuinely deserve to belong in our lives. But, most of us can’t decipher...