When The No Contact Rule Does Not Work


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After going through a breakup, you have two choices, try to win back your ex through constant effort or walk away to get them back. If you choose the latter, that becomes your best chance of reconciliation. But we would be amiss not to discuss when the no contact rule does not work.

The no-contract rule does not work when your ex has moved on with someone else, has lost all attraction for you, hates you or has nothing left to say to you.

The average relationship ends with a certain degree of attraction or emotions left unresolved so the no contact rule has a fair chance of working.

But that’s not always the case.

I will preface this article by saying that even if you initiate no contact to win back your ex, it doesn’t guarantee you will get him or her back. The fact of the matter is exes don’t always come back.

It would be much healthier to do it with the intention of moving on with your life.

In certain cases, the no contact rule may not work to bring back your ex but it works in helping you find closure with the end of your relationship.

Otherwise, you’ll easily find yourself keeping tabs of your ex living their life while you’re tortured over the loss.

With that being said, let’s take a closer look at the scenarios when the no contact rule does not work.

1. Your ex has moved on

From the moment the relationship ends, most people struggle to deal with being alone.

The sudden change in their life brings about stress, confusion, heartache and separation anxiety.

Dealing with these emotions is best done alone but many people resort to dating again as a means of escaping their feelings.

Alternately, your ex already had someone else lined up in the background for when things fall apart with your relationship.

Now that you’ve broken up, he or she may have jumped into that new relationship.

This becomes one of the instances when the no contact rule does not work.

However, that’s not to say it won’t work at all.

Chances are such, if your ex’s new relationship fails or they experience further rejection in the dating game, they may come running back to you for comfort, assurance and emotional stability.

2. Your ex has lost all attraction for you

Interestingly enough, this is often a common thing with the female of any relationship. They try to make things work all the way until they have lost all attraction for you.

It may be subtle at first but you’ll notice a shift in the relationship dynamic.

By the time the relationship comes to an end, the guy is often shocked by the breakup and still very much attracted to the woman but she isn’t attracted to him anymore.

Those cases are often the hardest to rectify with the no contact rule because, without physical, intellectual and emotional attraction, there’s really no reason to expect your ex to come back.

As a rule of thumb, listen to your girlfriend. Don’t dismiss small complaints because ignoring them leads to a compilation of reasons that cause a loss of attraction.

3. You ex hates you

If you have done something terrible to your ex like infidelity, it’s highly probably that your ex wants nothing to do with you.

No amount of silence from your end is going to change that.

Breaking someone’s heart and their trust comes with a sense of finality to the relationship.

Rather than leave any door open, it scorches any bridges that could have led to a reconciliation.

Even if they happen to forgive you, there’s not much of a chance that the no contact rule will work to bring them back into your life.

4. Your ex has nothing left to say to you

Sometimes relationships end for no definite reason other than the feeling that you both have outgrown each other or the relationship.

These sort of breakups suck because there’s not much closure to be found.

You may even still have some solid attraction left for each other but it’s almost senseless to reach out because there’s no path that leads to a future together.

When there’s no unfinished business between two people, it’s hard to sell a case for the no contact rule working.

However, it’s still a good idea to go no contact.

If enough time passes and you two happen to see each other again, going no contact may just provide the distance needed to feel like this is a brand new interaction with the possibility of some interest brewing between you two.

I just wouldn’t hold my breath in this case.

The smallest chance of making up

It goes without saying that life is unpredictable. We can make predictions all day long but when dealing with human beings, you can never be too sure of what we are going to do.

Even in the worst-case scenario or with the smallest chance of making up, the healthiest and smartest decision to make after a breakup is to go no contact.

You both need time away from each other to process the feelings caused by a breakup.

More importantly, time away will give you both a fresh perspective on things.

Take comfort in knowing that the no contact rule may not always work to bring back your ex but it will work in helping you heal, process your feelings, feel happy again and move on.

It also discourages you from chasing after your ex and facing further rejection which will hurt your self-esteem and confidence.

Stay strong during this tough time.

Everything will work out the way it’s meant to.

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