When someone sees your message but doesn’t reply, it could be for any number of reasons but one thing is for sure, it can cause a great deal of anxiety, fear, confusion and sadness.
I’m sure that you’re tempted to keep texting them or even lashing out but this may not be appropriate at all.
The last thing you want to do is act hastily and impulsively.
Far too many potential relationships and friendships get ruined by not taking some time to analyze and observe the situation before making a decision on what to do.
I’m going to make sure that by the time you reach the end of this article, you are fully equipped with all the possible reasons and solutions to this problem.
Let’s get straight into it, shall we?
Related post: What to do when a girl doesn’t text you back
Reasons Why They See Your Text But They Don’t Reply
1. They’re not interested in you
When someone is interested in being your friend or cultivating a romantic relationship with you, there’s a low chance of them leaving you on read or seen for an extended period of time.
They’ll make an effort to reply but more so than that, they’ll also initiate conversations with you, ask questions about you, check up on you and express a genuine desire in spending time with you digitally.
You won’t leave most interactions feeling like he or she is uninterested in communicating. That’s a huge one.
It’s easy to pick up when he or she has a legitimate reason for seeing your text but not replying because you feel secure due to their genuine interest.
Related post: Should you text a guy if he hasn’t replied?
2. They’re busy
During the early days of getting to know someone, it can be tricky to establish a sense of normalcy when it comes to their texting habits.
I’d say that it takes about 30 days to truly pick up on their habits, quirks and overall schedule as well as interest level.
You have to consider factors such as their occupation, family life, social commitments and overall personality type to determine if they’re legitimately busy or not.
For this reason, give them a day or two before going off the deep end and making assumptions.
If this is not a common occurrence, then something could have come up and they plan to reply as soon as they’re free.
I have some friends who will read my messages and leave me on seen for a few hours because they’re unable to reply properly. When they can, I’ll receive genuine replies that address everything and show effort.
They’ll also let me know why they didn’t reply earlier and most of the time, it’s because of work or some other pressing issue that they are dealing with.
Related post: Is he busy or not interested?
3. You’re not a priority to them
I’ve noticed that people in relationships or long-term friendships sometimes face this issue down the road and they’re left perplexed by what has changed.
They make a ton of effort and bring it up but to no avail.
Other times, they’re too afraid to bring it up because they’re in denial or scared of ruffling the feather and causing an issue.
The problem is that you can end up making excuses for people who are no longer making you a priority in their life.
You’ll sense it in your gut that they are feeding you a lazy excuse or none whatsoever.
Nothing changes long term if you try to talk about it or you’re gaslit.
This behavior is not acceptable and you have to face reality, especially if you find the same person making a normal effort with other people or clearly being on social media often.
4. They’re upset with you
Some people prefer to verbalize their feelings and communicate through issues while others have a defense mechanism to shut down and distance themselves.
They may lack knowledge in conflict resolution and were exposed to parents who used the silent treatment on each other whenever there was an issue so now they’re displaying the same behavior they witnessed in their childhood.
Rather than talk about it, they’ll stop replying to you until they feel better, until you make an effort to take responsibility for your actions or until you chase them.
Unless you were being a jerk who refused to acknowledge and talk about how you’ve hurt them, it’s not a healthy part of any relationship or friendship.
Related post: What to do when a woman goes silent on you
5. They’re trying to ghost you
As you probably know, we live in a digital era that allows us to disappear from someone’s life without saying a word and without actually moving to a different place or city.
All you have to do is block them or stop replying and there’s really nothing they can do to make you talk.
This is a pathetic way of rejecting someone.
Generally, it’s respectful to let someone down with honesty. Even if it’s awkward and difficult to do, it’s the right thing to do.
But, we’ve managed to convince ourselves that it’s not necessary and this is why ghosting has become so common.
It’s possible that you’re being ghosted, especially if there’s absolutely no reason for him or her to stop replying to you.
What you’ll notice is that none of your texts are being replied to, you’ve been removed from their social media accounts and your calls go unanswered or straight to voicemail.
Related post: What to do when you’ve been ghosted
What To Do When Someone Doesn’t Text You Back
Give them a day to reply
When you’re feeling anxious and afraid, it’s not uncommon to seek comfort and answers immediately.
As your thoughts spiral, so does your ability to remain calculated and collected.
It may be tempting to blow up their phone with texts or calls but the best course of action may be in the form of no action at all.
Put simply, waiting a day or so can provide him or her with enough time to respond to your texts if they had forgotten to or if they were legitimately busy and unable to reply at the time.
Double text with a short message
Short messages reduce the possibility of being viewed as desperate or needy in case they had a reason for not replying to you at the time.
Far too many people ruin attraction with over pursuit.
Don’t show too much emotion and keep it short so that you don’t come off as desperate or neurotic if they text you back normally.
If they don’t and you get the feeling that you’re being ghosted or ignored, then this allows you to examine the situation properly before revealing how you feel.
You may end up choosing to seek out an answer or you may feel like walking away without facing any more rejection.
If you choose to do the latter, there’s no way for you to feel embarrassed about the way you behaved in the end because you didn’t show them how their selfish behavior made you fall apart.
Related post: The art of double texting without looking desperate
Do not lash out
Someone who is emotionally impulsive or has a problem containing their emotion may struggle with this but you need to avoid lashing out.
This person could have a legitimate reason for reading and not replying to your text at the time.
Lashing out at them on a text will only make you out to be the bad guy or jerk.
You don’t know if this person has just been through a crisis or personal loss. Lashing out at them like this would be terrible.
If they are ghosting you or ignoring you, lashing out gives them a reason to validate their poor behavior.
Don’t give them that satisfaction.
Conduct yourself respectfully and you’ll live with little regret.
Do not draw your own anxious conclusions
That waiting phase from the moment you realize that your text was seen but no reply was sent can be nerve-wracking.
The more you feed into that anxiety by checking your phone frequently and observing if this person is online, the worse you will struggle.
You’re investing into something that you don’t have much control over and this is why you can feel unhinged or uncentered when it’s happening.
During this time, it can be easy to jump to all sorts of conclusions.
But, I would retort that this is unproductive and a waste of your time.
In time, you’ll get some form of closure, even if you’re getting ghosted. It’s best to just wait and see how things unfold before you come to any conclusion.
Give yourself a set amount of time before you engage in this activity to avoid messing up or freaking out unnecessarily.
Try not to chase them
I’ve noticed that people who are kind of interested but not enough to invest sometimes play a game that feeds their ego.
They’ll leave you hanging for a while and just when you start to feel like they’re ghosting you or not interested, they reply and make it seem like they’re still present.
An inexperienced or overly attached person may end up chasing them until they’re stuck with pent-up emotions because they invested so much while the other person did not.
My advice is to avoid this behavior.
There’s no point making too much of an effort with someone who doesn’t appreciate it or hasn’t earned grace from you.
Perhaps I’ve adopted a more strict or less tolerant mindset towards this kind of behavior but I will not chase anyone.
I expect people to treat me with the same or similar level of respect that I show to them.
If they’re not willing to reciprocate respect, then I’m not willing to compromise.
Related post: Never chase a girl who dumped you
Walk away and cut them out of your life
Don’t you feel like you’re worth having people in your life who care about you and your time? I certainly feel like that now.
There was a time when I gifted my presence to people without qualifying them and this led to many painful, humiliating and sad experiences.
And I don’t blame them, I blame myself because now I understand that they didn’t deserve to belong in my circle.
Until you’re willing to walk away from people who do not meet a certain standard of care and respect, you’ll keep dealing with this nonsense.
The greatest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.
Now, you’re in this position of talking to someone who doesn’t care about your time, effort and feelings by ignoring you time and time again.
What are you going to do about it?
Reward them with more of yourself despite being treated poorly or are you going to take charge of yourself and prioritize self-respect by walking away from them?
Related post: 5 Reasons why ignoring your ex is powerful
How To Have A Good Conversation With Someone On Text
Focus on being interested rather than interesting
I’ve been reading the book How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie and it’s probably the best book on the topic of socializing.
Even though it was published nearly 100 years ago, the advice and principles in this book remain relevant today, probably more so now than ever.
One of the ideas that have really elevated my social life is shifting my focus from being interesting to being interested in others.
Most people love talking about themselves and being heard. It creates feelings of closeness and rapport when you’re talking to someone who wants to know what you think about things, how you feel and what you’ve experienced in life with genuine curiosity.
When texting, forget about trying to make the other person like you.
Instead, focus on getting to know them and it will elevate your game tremendously.
Ask open-ended questions
The first step to having a good conversation with someone is to be interested in them but the next step is to ask questions that influence them to elaborate on their thoughts, experiences, feelings and opinions.
It’s not so difficult to do when you offer up your own thoughts or opinions.
By opening up and showing some degree of vulnerability, it creates a safe environment for the other person to answer your questions more honestly.
I’m particularly interested in lifestyle optimization and routines that promote productivity and health.
When I meet people who I admire, I have a keen desire to learn about what they do and how they think in hopes of applying something from their experience to my own life.
I ask them about their morning routines, their habits to focus, their time spent on social media and so forth.
By the time they’re midway into asking my questions, I don’t have to hustle to come up with any questions because they’re offering me information non-stop.
Don’t aimlessly chat all day long
Even though this entire article is about communication, it’s ironic that I have to advise you to avoid texting and talking to someone all day long but it’s important that I do.
Too many people talk themselves out of relationships and friendships because they give the other person a chance to miss them or enjoy the anticipation of talking again.
Let’s say that you’re dating right now and want to meet someone and go on dates.
Let me ask you this question, what would you talk about on the date if you share everything about yourself and your life on text?
When you’re just getting to know someone that you really want to see and be with, save the best parts of your week and yourself for conversations that happen in person.
On the off chance that you don’t have the time to read this entire article, my advice on what to do when someone sees your message but doesn’t reply is to first wait for at least a day, send a short double text thereafter, wait to see if they respond and then examine the possibility that they’re either busy, uninterested, upset or ghosting you.
Based on what your gut and mind are saying, you should decide on whether it would be appropriate to address the problem by sending a simple text expressing your discomfort by their actions and your desire to understand why.
If you’re met with more of the same behavior or with a dismissive text, it might be best to cut your losses and walk away.
What you don’t want to do is lash out or do anything disrespectful because this will only paint you in a bad light and give them a sense of validation for treating you poorly.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on what to do when someone sees your message but doesn’t reply to be insightful, comforting and practical. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.