What To Do When He Breaks Up With You Suddenly!

When he breaks up with you suddenly, it can feel like your entire world is falling apart. Everything around you is spinning out of control and you have no idea what to do. We’ve all been in a similar situation like this at some point or another.

More often than not, when he breaks up with you suddenly, it’s actually something he has been planning to do for a while. A lot of people who dump their partners suddenly were actually losing feelings of love and attraction many weeks or months before ending the relationship. 

The usual reasons why he would break up with you suddenly range from a loss of interest, a loss of attraction, compatibility issues, lifestyle issues, infidelity or monkey branching. 

Whatever the reason may be, I know that it doesn’t change the fact that you are feeling heartbroken right now and confused.

To help you navigate this breakup in a healthy manner, I’m going to share everything you need to know on what to do when he breaks up with you suddenly.

The advice below is going to maximize your chance of either getting him back or moving on without humiliating yourself or experiencing unnecessary added pain. 

With that being said, let’s examine what you should do when he breaks up with you suddenly. 

How To Respond When Someone Breaks Up With You

1. Try to find out why without falling apart

I’ll be the first to admit that I wear my heart on my sleeve and this isn’t ideal when you’re trying to ascertain information from someone about a situation while you’re an emotional mess. 

During difficult times like a breakup, you have to dig deep within your soul and muster up some courage and emotional self-control to handle the situation in a healthy manner for yourself.

There will be plenty of time to cry and feel your emotions afterward.

But, for the sake of possibly getting some answers for closure, I think it’s important to have that conversation with your ex.

The problem is that he may not be honest or forthcoming with you, especially if you’re showing how to hurt you are.

Some people are selfish in that they will sacrifice their feelings and rights to avoid discomfort. 

He may turn into a coward and not give you the answers you deserve regarding why he broke up with you suddenly.

This is especially true if his reasoning paints him in a bad light.

Explain to him that you will walk away without drama and you’re just looking for truthful answers to get some closure for yourself.

Once you get the truth out of him, then you may say what’s in your heart, even if he doesn’t like what you have to say.

Related post: 10 Reasons why relationships fail

2. Don’t lash out at him

I’m going to choose my words wisely for this one because I don’t believe that total emotional suppression is the correct way of dealing with heartbreak.

When he breaks up with you suddenly, there’s a good chance that there’s a bad reason for why he’s doing so.

Perhaps he cheated on you or has lined up a replacement. Whatever it may be apart from a loss of feelings, it’s not going to be what you want to hear at this moment.

You may need to and deserve to lash out at him, to some degree.

But, I don’t think there’s any room for you to lose yourself and do something you regret. 

When the shock and anger subsides, you’re going to feel regret for losing control of yourself to the point of acting out of character.

Alternatively, you may want to explore the possibility of re-attracting him in the future and doing something you regret during this time may ruin your chances of doing that. 

You have every right to say how you feel but caution yourself against doing anything that’s bad or out of character in the heat of the moment. 

Related post: What should I do if he blocked me after an argument?

3. Don’t beg him to stay with you

When you beg someone to stay with you, it amounts to a devaluing of your own worth.

Someone with a healthy amount of self-worth and respect would not beg another person to recognize their value.

If they can’t see it then that is their loss.

Your time, affection and attention are too valuable to be wasted on people who don’t deserve it. 

If you have been a wonderful, loyal and loving partner to him, there is absolutely no need for you to beg him to stay with you.

True love is letting them go and wish them well.

Why? 

Because love is not imprisoning.

And in saying that, you would not imprison yourself with someone who doesn’t see your worth by begging them to stay.

When you give your time, affection and attention to people who want to be in your life, you’ll rarely deal with feeling unappreciated or unloved by them.

Trust me when I tell you that not many things other than cheating, lies and deceit ruin a relationship like feeling undervalued by your partner. 

As a side note, do not sleep with him during this time. It will only complicate the situation and hurt you.

Trauma bonding occurs when couples break up or are forced to part. 

It is a way of desperately latching onto the connection and bond we shared with the person who we love and share this trauma or who caused this trauma.

Related post: Do men always come back?

4. Don’t chase after him

It is said that suffering is wanting reality to be other than it is. I completely agree with this sentiment. Far too many times in my life I have tortured myself by being in denial about what unfolded in my life. 

Some things in life are outside of our control.

It just so happens that the actions of another person, even someone who we love, is outside of our control.

We can only influence how they feel but we cannot make them freely behave in the way that we want.

By chasing after him when he breaks up with you suddenly, you’re trying to latch on to the reality that is within your mind.

The unfortunate consequence of doing this is that it devalues your worth because you’re not behaving like someone who understands their worth.

But, you’re also going to chase after him in a fearful state which is going to impede your ability to measure the quality and consequences of your actions.

To put it simply, you’re going to do and say desperate things to get him back and this will only drive him further away.

Men are not attracted to desperate women much like how women do not find desperate men attractive. 

If you really want to move on from him or even get him back, you actually have to let him go.

Give him the gift of missing you and seeing what life is like without you.

That will reveal the true nature of things and if he comes back, then you’ll know that it’s because he realizes he made a mistake instead of taking you back out of pity. 

Related post: I stopped chasing him and he came back

5. Initiate no contact and focus on your own feelings

Doing no contact with someone you still love is extremely painful. It hurts because you’re attached to this person and you never thought a time would really come when you’d be forced to lose all contact with them.

But, after a breakup, you have to lose contact with your ex to regain an identity and life without your ex. 

It is disingenuous to stay in contact with an ex under the pretense of friendship when you are dying to get back together.

You’re not being authentic and truthful to your ex nor to yourself and this will hurt you more in the long run.

If things do not seem salvageable right now and you’re suffering, it might be time to initiate no contact and focus on your own feelings.

By facing life without your ex and those painful feelings you are dreading, you’ll actually get through them and gain some confidence in life.

You’ll actually suffer more by trying to avoid reality. 

It’s going to be incredibly painful to do no contact at first but time will heal and ease your pain.

You will experience these emotions and be forced to spend time developing a relationship with yourself.

Far too many people try to avoid reality and end up rebounding or ignoring how they feel only to end up continuing the cycle of self-inflicted pain by attracting more toxic or wrong relationships. 

When you can face what you fear, it will lose its power over you. 

Related post: Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?

6. Surround yourself with family and friends

This is a huge shock to your system because I know that you didn’t see this coming. Even if he had been voicing some of his concerns to you, I’m sure it didn’t register to you that he was preparing to break up with you suddenly. 

You’re going to need at least one person you trust who is caring and rational to help you navigate this breakup for a little while.

The goal is to have some support until you’re emotionally stable and ready to deal with this by yourself. 

If you don’t have someone in your life, I strongly recommend that you sign up for Reddit or Quora and join the communities related to breakups and relationship problems.

The people on these forums can be really supportive and wise. 

Also, connecting with people who are going through a similar experience can alleviate that feeling of being alone in your suffering right now.

Use this time to explain how you’re feeling to them and give them the opportunity to offer words of support, encouragement and love.

But, what you don’t want to do is head out partying or trying to have fun when this just happened.

It’s going to affect you negatively as soon as you’re alone and this will make the suffering a lot worse.

Once a few weeks have passed and you’re feeling stable, then it’s time to start venturing out with friends and family to do fun things.

Related post: How to move on after a breakup

In Conclusion

When he breaks up with you suddenly, it can be jarring, painful, confusing and scary. I know what you’re going through right now and I just want you to know that everything will be okay.

You will get through this difficult period in your life. 

Make it a priority right now to be gentle, kind, caring and loving to yourself. Patience is your greatest ally during this time.

Let time work it’s magic while you focus on what you can control.

As they say in many AA groups, ‘Let go and Let God.’

When I was in the heart of the storm during my last breakup, I turned to God in hopes of finding comfort and guidance.

It hasn’t been easy and at times I’ve fallen apart but I’m still here and each day has been an opportunity to grow and understand myself.

A lot of lessons will be learned from this breakup. 

Let that be the one silver lining that you hold onto.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on what to do when he breaks up with you suddenly to be insightful, practical, comforting and empowering. If you would like for me to answer a specific question in a future article, please head over to the comment section below and let me know.