When Does The Dumper Start Missing The Dumpee?


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Believe it or not, the dumper doesn’t get out of a breakup unharmed or unaffected. It may not strike them at first but pain, uncertainty, yearning and sadness are unavoidable consequences of a breakup. This brings up the following question, when does the dumper start missing the dumpee?

Ordinarily, the dumper will start missing the dumpee within a month of ending the relationship up until 3 months of being apart. This seems to be the consensus of the majority and is something that I’ve experienced firsthand. 

Breakups are different for the dumper than it is for the dumpee. 

The dumper usually experiences something I refer to as the dumpers high. 

For a few weeks after dumping their ex, the dumper usually experiences a high sense of empowerment and freedom from making the unilateral decision to end the relationship.

This high makes the dumper feel powerful whilst making the dumpee feel powerless and helpless. 

The dumper experiences a high knowing that they get to dictate the course of the relationship and their life. 

So, when they facilitate the breakup, they’re driven by a short-lived high of power that lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. 

But, this doesn’t last forever and when it wears off, the sudden shock and realization that they may have lost you become apparent. 

At that point, if the dumpee has initiated no contact or moved on, the dumper is overwhelmed by the silence and loss to the point of missing you. 

What usually inspires the dumper to start missing the dumpee is nostalgia and sentimentality. 

The reason why they wanted to dump you takes a back seat and they start looking at the past through rose-tinted glasses.

Once they do, it is only a matter of time before the dumper starts missing the dumpee.

Be that as it may, let’s talk about the different scenarios when the dumper starts missing the dumpee in more detail. 

Related post: Why did she leave me for someone else?

1. When the dumpee used no contact

Most people who dump their partner usually expect that their ex will chase after them. They’re so used to being in the driving position of the relationship that they naturally assume you’ll resort to the weaker position.

This is why the no contact rule is so effective because it forces the dumper into a drastic change that they weren’t fully expecting. 

The fact that the dumpee is silent and hasn’t begged or pleaded for the dumper to come back is a sign of self-respect and strength.

What we know is that people find a self-respecting, confident and strong person to be attractive and endearing. 

For these reasons, the dumper will start missing the dumpee because they were not expecting the dumpee to just walk away without a fight and to exhibit such attractive behavior. 

Related post: Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?

2. When the dumper gets rejected

The dumper may be under the false impression that the dating world is all sunshine and rainbows but most of us know that this is far from the truth.

Sure, there’s plenty of fish in the sea but most of them may not be your type. Of the remaining who are your type, at least half of them may not find you to be their type. 

But, that’s not to say that the dumper won’t meet other people. They will and that, in and of itself, is what causes them to miss you.

They may end up getting rejected which would automatically upset them. At that point, they’re going to be thinking about a time when they were loved and adored.

The dumpee is going to come to mind and heart. 

Alternatively, the dumper may meet a lot of people but very few who are genuine and wholesome people like the dumpee. 

That is going to drive them into a pit of despair that usually results in the questioning of one’s decision to end a relationship with someone who was good. 

Related post: 18 Signs he knows he messed up

3. When the dumper feels alone

You can try to convince yourself that loneliness is something you can easily handle but it always takes people aback. 

It’s not something that you can truly prepare for until you’re experiencing it.

For the dumper, it’s really easy for them to think about being alone while they’re constantly in the company of their partner.

But, when that loving and attentive partner is no longer in the picture and they’re left with their own thoughts, that’s when the shit hits the fan and loneliness starts to creep into their heart and mind. 

Once that initial high of being single again wears off and their friends don’t have as much time to hang out and they aren’t meeting as many people who want to be around them often, the loneliness will eat them up.

When loneliness strikes, we usually think about those who made us feel cared for and comforted.

At that point, the dumper starts missing the dumpee. 

Related post: 18 Signs your ex regrets dumping you

4. When the dumper matures

Not all people end relationships for deliberate, reasonable and thoroughly considered reasons. 

Some dumpers are impulsive and others are just lacking the emotional or psychological depth to realize the gravity of their decision.

In time, a lot of them will experience some degree of growth and development, especially after a breakup. 

When they do, it’s highly possible that they will analyze, critique and question their own motive and reasoning for parting ways with you.

If they find their reasoning to be immature or irrational, that’s going to cause them to experience some degree of regret.

And during this entire scenario, they’re going to look at you in a more honest and positive light which is bound to make them miss you. 

Related post: 8 Signs he regrets rejecting you

How to make the dumper miss you

I’ve touched on this earlier on but I just want to share some thoughts I have from all the experience I have as an expert on relationships. 

Chasing after your ex or the dumper validates their ego.

Instead of making them miss you, it makes them feel good about themselves. 

They must be truly amazing for you to be chasing them even after they tossed you away, right?

We know that’s not true but that’s what they’re thinking.

So, for this reason, I strongly encourage you to do the self-respectful thing and cut contact with the dumper.

You can choose to say goodbye or you can leave without a word, but you must end all contact with them for your own sanity. 

This will force the dumper to acknowledge you for being strong-willed and self-respectful. Additionally, it makes the dumper face life without you and that may prove to be more challenging than they anticipate. 

During this time, don’t just sit around waiting on your ex.

On the contrary, approach this with the intention to move on from your ex. 

It’s going to be a hard and painful experience at first but with the right mentality and attitude, you can channel these feelings in a healthy manner that motivates you to improve yourself and your life. 

Lastly, I want you to completely reject any offer to be friends. Unless you want to be friends with your ex, then go ahead. 

But, if you have hopes of being with them again or you are just afraid to lose them, then you absolutely must reject that offer because it’s the worst thing you could do to yourself. 

More often than not, dumpees who choose to remain friends are forced to watch the dumper move on and find someone else.

Don’t compromise your wants and happiness just to keep someone in your life when they are choosing to walk away without any hesitation.

Related post: Should I reach out to my ex who dumped me?

In conclusion

They say that people usually don’t realize the value of something or someone until they’ve lost it. That’s something that rings true for people who leave their partner prematurely or for the wrong reasons. 

Typically, the process of the dumper transitioning from feeling powerful and excited to be single to missing the dumpee takes between 4 weeks to 3 months.

Usually, the behavior of the dumpee affects this timeline which is why it is important to use the no contact rule.

It speeds up the time until the dumper starts to miss the dumpee. 

All that aside, the number one thing that the dumpee should focus on is their own well-being and happiness.

That should take precedence over how the dumper is feeling or what they’re doing.

The dumpee should always remember that there’s so much life has to offer and that they deserve to be happy. 

One thing is for sure, the dumpee will meet someone who truly loves and adores them.

If not now, then later. But certainly, they will. 

With that being said, I hope you found this article on when does the dumper start to miss the dumpee to be insightful and eye-opening. If you would like to share some of your thoughts or questions on this subject, please feel free to do so by visiting the comment section below.

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