When A Guy Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You


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When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, it can be quite surprising and jarring. Some people take offense to this. A rejection of this nature can affect a woman’s confidence and ego. So, in today’s article, I’m going to share the reasons why a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you as well as what you can do to fix this problem.

Before we get into the meat of this article, I just want to emphasize that this situation isn’t always a sign of trouble.

So, don’t beat yourself up for not feeling pretty enough or undesired because it could have absolutely nothing to do with the way you look.

Now, let’s take a quick look at the reasons why a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you.

  • He doesn’t find you attractive.
  • He wants to take things slow.
  • He’s religious or conservative.
  • He’s waiting for marriage or a serious relationship.
  • He’s not actually interested in you.
  • He’s dealing with medical issues.
  • There are problems in the relationship.
  • He’s going through personal or business problems.
  • He has someone else.
  • He isn’t emotionally ready to sleep with you.
  • He’s scared of commitment.
  • He’s still in love with his ex.
  • The sex is boring.

With that being said, let’s analyze each of these reasons in more detail as well as how to deal with them.

1. He doesn’t find you attractive

I know I just said that this may not be something to worry about but it’s a possibility and I don’t want to avoid discussing it. 

As unfortunate as it may be, attraction can only be influenced to an extent.

There has to be a base level of physical attraction or else the chances of him wanting to sleep with you are slim to none.

What’s interesting to note is that married couples who run into this issue can’t wrap their heads around the idea of their spouse no longer finding them attractive.

But, it happens. 

If you stop making an effort to look presentable and good, it can impact your husband’s perception of you.

He may love you but the desire to sleep with you may be negatively affected by a lack of personal hygiene and little initiative in looking good for him.

It’s not just about looking good for him. It’s the fact that you want to that makes all the difference. 

Related post: How to become the hottest version of yourself

2. He wants to take things slow

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking things slow. In fact, in this day and age, promiscuity can sometimes lead people down a dark road.

Holding onto those traditional values is something to be proud of.

He values you more than just what he can get from you.

The man wants to connect with you on an emotional level and develop a bond before sleeping with you.

You should be happy about that.

This shouldn’t be something to concern yourself with at all, especially if he is romantic and showing every bit of interest in you as a person.

Don’t look for problems where there aren’t any. 

Related post: Do relationships that move too fast fail?

3. He’s religious or conservative 

I like to believe that religion offers a way of life that emphasizes certain morals and values.

Being intimate without satisfying these religious values may not be something he is willing to do. 

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to sleep with you.

Obviously, desire and attraction are present and experienced internally. But, he’s making a decision not to act on those feelings due to his religious beliefs.

I can attest to this myself.

Should you be worried? Not at all. 

Have a conversation with him about it and I’m more than certain that you will get the answer you are looking for. 

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, make sure to look at the whole picture of his personality, beliefs and lifestyle before getting too concerned.

4. He’s waiting for marriage or a serious relationship

Building on the abovementioned point, he may be someone who values the sanctity of a relationship before actually sleeping with someone. 

This can even be a result of his religious, cultural and social influence.

And even if it isn’t, there’s nothing wrong with someone waiting until they’re married to consulate their love.

One thing you can know for certain that his interest in you is not superficial or based just on lust. 

He must have some seriously genuine feelings if he’s pursuing or dating you while also wanting to save sex for marriage. 

5. He’s not actually interested in you

I hate to say it but even though he finds you attractive, he may feel absolutely no interest in you as a person.

And he may just be one of those men who are not willing to waste your time or his time on something that will not go anywhere.

I wouldn’t even waste my time going on a date with a girl I wasn’t interested in as a person at all. 

You don’t have to be flawed in any way for him to not be interested.

He could be in a phase right now that isn’t motivated by dating or relationships. 

He may be looking for someone with specific personality traits or beliefs. 

There are so many reasons why he could not be interested in you and it doesn’t have to be that there’s something wrong with you.

You could be absolutely attractive to him with a great personality but just not what he’s looking for. 

It sucks but that’s life. 

6. He’s dealing with medical issues

Obviously, with erectile dysfunction, his desire to sleep with you and ability to do so will be drastically impeded. 

That goes beyond any issue in the relationship.

Apart from that, someone who has health issues that affect hormone levels and organs can result in a significantly decreased libido. 

Here’s one thing I know, someone who is sick or dealing with complicated health issues will not be thinking about sex. 

They’re too busy feeling miserable to be lusting over someone. 

Don’t take it personally. Once he’s in good health, things will improve.

7. There are problems or misunderstandings in the relationship

When two people are not on the same page, it can affect your sex life because connection, trust and understanding are essential components of a relationship. 

Similarly, when he feels unappreciated, undervalued and misunderstood, the chances of him wanting to connect with you on an intimate level will diminish.

I know that’s hard to comprehend because men seem to portray themselves as sex-hungry animals but that’s not the case, even in a relationship.

This is why it’s so important to work on communication because it can solve a lot of the problems that lead to a lack of intimacy. 

8. He’s going through personal or business problems

When a man’s mind is occupied with something else, particularly a problem, his ability to focus on his relationship will drastically fall.

It’s unfortunate but most men are not great at compartmentalizing.

This is one of the problems I have in my life.

When I’m struggling with a problem in one area of my life, I’m unable to keep it confined to that area.

This is why so many coaches and experts advise people to leave their work problems at work.

Sure, you can talk about it to your spouse and partner but not to the extent that it monopolizes valuable time with each other. 

If he’s dealing with a personal or business problem and lacks the ability to compartmentalize, chances are such that he doesn’t want to sleep with you because his brain is consumed with thoughts on these issues. 

9. He has someone else

This is definitely a possibility.

If you’re dating this guy or getting to know him, there’s a strong chance that the reason why he declines to physically sleep with you is that he has someone else. 

Unfortunately, in a marriage, this can be a possibility as well. It can be influenced by problems within the relationship and so forth. 

When he doesn’t want to sleep with you, it further perpetuates these problems and could be directly linked to him cheating. 

Related post: 10 Signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you

10. He isn’t emotionally ready to sleep with you

I know this may be hard to believe but some men are able to withhold sex from themselves because they lack the emotional capacity right now to connect with you on such an intimate level.

They may toy with the idea, talk about it with you, flirt and so forth but when it comes to actually do it, they won’t because they’re not ready. 

Perhaps he’s waiting to develop a deeper emotional connection with you or he’s just not ready to sleep with anyone. 

In different regions of the world, you’ll find that high levels of modesty are prioritized over premarital sex.

So, this is a possibility to consider. 

11. He’s scared of commitment

I hate to say it but this is something I can relate to.

Commitment is something that I’ve battled with for many years and has resulted in behavior that I regret or cringe when thinking about. 

Thankfully, I was able to grow out of this when I realized the value of love and being in love with someone. 

Men who are afraid of commitment and who are not promiscuous or do not have a history of sleeping around will freak out at the idea of sleeping with you. 

The more emotionally invested he is, the more afraid he’ll feel. This seems counterintuitive because we are so used to associating love with comfort and ease.

But, that’s not the case for everyone, certainly not me.

However, in time, this is something he can overcome and grow from! 

Related post: 10 tips to make a man obsess over you

12. He’s still in love with his ex

I’ve noticed that men are more susceptible to placing their exes on a pedestal than women are.

Men also have a harder time moving on from an ex as well. 

Some men may sleep around in an attempt to ease the pain and discomfort they experience from missing their ex whereas other men withdraw and close themselves off to other women because they can’t stop loving their ex. 

He may like you. He may actually want to be with you but at the same time, he could be battling the ghost of his ex. 

That struggle is further enhanced by feelings of nostalgia and regret. 

Until he’s ready to move on and is no longer in love with his ex, he may not want to sleep with you or anyone for that matter. 

13. The sex is boring

Look, it’s not something to be embarrassed about but when you do the same thing over and over again, it can become boring or monotonous.

I think every couple runs into this issue as the years pile on. 

Ask most married couples and they’ll attest to this.

You might have fallen into a routine and assumed that everything was okay. But, being okay doesn’t make something great or fulfilling.

It’s a possibility that when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, it’s because you’re not willing to be free, passionate or exciting in bed. 

Try to help him feel comfortable in opening up about the quality of your sex life without getting defensive. 

Maybe a few small changes could make things exciting and passionate again. 

What to do when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you?

For the most part, don’t let it affect your self confidence.

If you take a close look at the reasons why he doesn’t want to sleep with you, a lot of them stem from an internal conflict or motivation rather than a reaction to you as a person.

Yes, there are instances when it may affect you but try to put things into perspective.

If it’s caused by a loss of physical attraction because you stopped making an effort to look good, then make an effort again and he’ll notice.

When his loss of desire is influenced by his poor decisions like having an extramarital affair, then this is a larger problem than just sex.

You need to explore the problems in the relationship as well as why he did this.

In such a case, I highly recommend counseling, especially if you’re looking for answers and a way forward.

What you shouldn’t do is humiliate yourself.

If you’ve made every effort to improve the relationship but to no avail, it might be time to consider backing off.

It undermines your value and worth as a partner to be trying so hard to look good and be a better lover only for him to not notice. 

A relationship can only thrive with mutual effort and you should stand by this. 

In conclusion

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, it can either be caused by a problem in the relationship, a lack of interest and attraction or something that he is dealing with as an individual. It could also be indicative of his personal preference and not actually an issue at all.

If there’s one thing to note, it’s that the solution to this situation simply boils down to better communication.

By getting him to open up, you can assert or deduce the reason why he doesn’t want to sleep with you.

Based on that finding, you can decide the best course of action to repair the relationship, to develop it or to walk away from it as amicably as possible.

What you don’t want to do is drive yourself crazy trying to seduce him only to be rejected.

Take things step by step and you’ll be able to navigate this situation smoother. 

With that being said, I hope this article provided you with solace and great insight pertaining to what it means when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you. Feel free to hit the comment section below to share your thoughts or to ask a question.

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