Let’s say it’s been a few months since your breakup, you haven’t spoken to your ex for a while and now you’re thinking about what to text your ex after no contact. Here’s what you need to consider.
Don’t text your ex about the break up or anything to do with it.
The last thing you want is to undo all the hard work of no contact. The whole point of it was to give yourself and your ex the time and space to get over any negative feelings associated with the breakup so that you stand a chance of reattracting him or her.
You can text them to hang out or to catch up over a cup of joe.
Given that you both haven’t spoken or seen each other in a while, there’s a high chance that your ex agrees.
This would give you the perfect opportunity to have a good time and remind your ex why you’re such an amazing guy or girl.
Alternatively, you can bring up a really powerful and good memory from the past.
The best type of texts to send your ex after no contact
It must be a memory of something positive and exciting.
Reminding your ex of an amazing experience during the relationship is a great way of making him or her feel nostalgic.
Nostalgia is the kind of feeling that can be attached to feelings of longing and desire. I think that’s a powerful motivator for being with someone or atleast talking to them again in a more positive and intimate manner.
Here’s what this looks like:
“Hey X, you crossed my mind. I was traveling for work and for some reason it made me think about that amazing trip we took together for your birthday 😉“
There’s nothing flashy about this text neither is it too on the nose.
It’s ambiguous enough to make your ex wonder whether you still have feelings for them or not.
In respect to asking your ex out on a date or to hang out, you want to be direct and clear.
Test the waters by teasing the idea of meeting up.
If they seem receptive to the idea, tell them you’re in the mood to have a blast and want to know when they’re free to meet.
If they accept, proceed to set up a specific time and place to meet. Once the date is confirmed, exchange a text or two but end it off by saying that you look forward to seeing them whenever the date is set.
If they reject your offer, do not text back upset or emotional. Be indifferent. Tell them it’s cool and to reach out when they are available.
Leave the conversation at that point. You do not want to waste your time trying to convince your ex to meet you if they turn you down.
Any texts of that nature will make you look weak or desperate, especially if you were dumped.
In order to increase the likelihood of him or her responding, you want to send a text that focuses on them rather than you.
Since you know your ex pretty well, it shouldn’t be all that hard to identify something they’re passionate about and using that as a means of breaking the ice and having a conversation.
Here’s a list of possible things to talk about in your text.
- His or her favorite music, band or artist.
- A good experience you both shared from the past.
- An upcoming event he’s probably excited about.
- Something news related that could possibly affect him.
Whatever it may be, the point of doing this is to bring up a topic and ask a question that is hard for him to ignore.
By nature, all of us like to talk about ourselves. And we particularly like talking about things we love.
You can use this to your advantage. To encourage someone to have a conversation, ask them to talk about themselves or something they’re passionate about.
Related post: Will my ex come back after no contact?
When should you text your ex?
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t encourage someone to text an ex when using the no contact rule because the idea is to walk away forever unless your ex does something about it.
By doing this, you maximize the possibility of rebuilding attraction and creating an equal dynamic when you both get in contact again.
However, some people prefer to do no contact for a definite period which is what you may find promoted by some dating coaches. The 30 days no contact rule is a popular derivative of the indefinite no contact rule.
After 30 days apart, you simply reach out to your ex in the hope of rekindling things.
Alternately, you can use the 90 day no contact rule which demands more patience and discipline before reaching out to an ex.
Ideally, no contact starts right after your last text exchange to your ex. If you break no contact after like a week, then it starts all over again.
Related post: 5 signs the no contact rule is working
Tips on texting your ex boyfriend and husband.
Men like to be useful. It’s true. When we feel like we can fix a problem, it satisfies our hero complex.
This is why playing the damsel in distress has such a positive effect on men.
We can’t help ourselves. It’s how we’re wired to earn affection from women even though that’s not necessarily the right way to go about it.
Contact him about something you know he’s good at whilst asking him for help or assistance.
It would be very difficult for him to resist, especially if it’s an easy opportunity for him to feel useful, helpful and like a hero.
When he does help out, that’s when you simply stroke his ego. At that point, you’re in a much better position to keep the conversation going and possibly escalating things.
Related post: Does the no contact rule work on men?
Tips on texting your ex-girlfriend or wife
It would be fair to assume that sending a text based on her is a good start.
I think rather than asking for help, a text that is specifically related to finding out her opinion and feelings about something she cares about is a good starting point.
You want to be as positive and level headed as possible.
If you aim to engage her emotionally, be sure to select topics that do not have drama or bad feelings attached to it.
Do not, however, talk about your feelings for her or anything of that nature. You want to prolong the uncertainty of the situation and allow it to work it’s magic, especially after doing no contact for the time that you have.
I know that I’m generalizing here but most of the women I know claim to overthink things romantically, especially during a state of uncertainty.
Being slightly ambiguous about your intentions could actually work to your advantage in this situation because if you get her to think about what is the intent of your text, she may open that door of investment all over again.
Related post: Does the no contact rule work on women
Don’t overanalyze your text
Ever heard of the saying, paralysis by analysis?
It’s a real thing. When you overwhelm yourself with all the possibilities of a decision, you end up overcome with anxiety rendering you incapable of taking action.
Take into consideration the tips in this article, do a double take of your text but don’t exhaust yourself with excessive analysis.
At some point, you have to just pull the trigger and hope for the best.
I like to think the law of attraction is a real thing and if you have a positive attitude to the situation, it could pay off well.
Just try not to expect too much. To avoid disappointment, it’s better to expect very little.
Don’t be too certain about a good or bad outcome.
Expect things to go okay and you won’t find yourself suffering from a breakdown over a simple text to your ex after no contact.
If you don’t, you run the risk of becoming majorly anxious and nervous. This will only inspire feelings of desperation because you’re so invested in doing something perfectly.
In the end, you may end up texting your ex in the most desperate, needy, weak or anxious way possible which defeats the purpose of doing no contact to undo the damage of negative feelings and experiences from the past.
With that being said, I really hope you found this article on what to text your ex after no contact to be helpful and insightful.
Please feel free to leave your questions and/or tips in the comment section below.