People overthink everything after a breakup and they search for certain techniques or tricks to get their ex back. No contact may be one of the most effective tools at someone’s disposal in this situation. But, it can be confusing to figure out what to say before no contact.
You should be as honest, authentic and open as you possibly can about how you feel, why you think it’s no longer a good idea to stay in touch and set a boundary for access to you by making it known that they should only contact you if they change their mind.
Honestly, though, there’s no perfect text or statement that’s going to guarantee or magically change the situation for the better.
The truth of the matter is this, it’s what you don’t say for the days or weeks to follow that makes the real difference and sends an impactful message across to your ex.
It’s the silence that follows no contact which works at creating doubt and fear in the mind of your ex who dumped you.
It can even rebuild desire and attraction.
But, knowing what to say before no contact may help you to deal with the silence from no contact more so than your ex.
Because something that a lot of people overlook is the effect no contact will have on the person using it.
Just because you’re initiating no contact doesn’t mean that you won’t experience the same doubt, uncertainty, desire and yearning for your ex.
I may go so far as to say that you may experience it more than your ex for the first few weeks.
Whereas it may take a few weeks until it starts to trigger those feelings in your ex.
That’s the difference in effect between the dumper and dumper when it comes to no contact.
Be that as it may, let’s discuss what to say before no contact.
The most important thing to say is what you feel in your heart.
Be honest to your ex and yourself.
It’s all about being authentic, truthful and sincere.
Here’s an example of a generic but honest message before no contact – “Listen, I don’t think we should talk anymore because I can’t just be friends with you and I also need to deal with this. I care about you and I’ll miss you a lot. I want you to be happy. If you change your mind, get in contact with me because I’d like to work on us but if this is the last time we speak, take care of yourself.”
Let’s discuss some of the things you should consider when deciding what to say before no contact.
Related post: Does no contact work if you were just dating?
Tips On Things To Say Before No Contact
1. Don’t beg or plead
I understand that the temptation may be there to try one more time to change their mind before walking away but it’s not a good idea, especially if you’ve already tried before.
Doing more of what you’ve already been doing isn’t going to work.
If your ex is adamant about parting ways, the best thing you can do to possibly change their mind is to give them exactly what they want.
You’re also preventing yourself from being rejected yet again and then having to part on another bitter note.
Walking away or letting go of your ex is a powerful thing that can eventually be viewed as an attractive decision but that can be tarnished by begging and pleading in your message before going no contact.
In my opinion, the best way to leave is with love.
Let your ex remember you by a loving and respectful last message or statement before no contact instead of something sad and depressing.
Related post: Will my ex come back after no contact?
2. Avoid being passive aggressive
Emotions are running high during a breakup and people tend to act out of character as well when they’re facing rejection and heartbreak.
This is why I comfort people by saying that you shouldn’t judge yourself too harshly during this time because it’s a lot to process.
But, it’s an opportunity to exercise emotional self-control and develop mental resilience by behaving in a respectful and calm manner.
Even if you’re not able to do it, the effort will make a difference in how you feel about it afterward.
Be that as it may, some people can resort to passive-aggressive behavior like stonewalling, insulting or lashing out by trying to make your ex jealous of someone else.
Trust me, this is not a good idea and will be something you regret if you still love your ex.
Avoid these behaviors because your ex will mostly see through them or it will turn them away from you permanently.
Instead, opt to be respectful.
Your ex will respect you for it and you’ll respect yourself for it too.
3. Leave the door open for them to return if you want
When you’re doing no contact, I think it’s important to approach it in a realistic manner.
Really consider whether you want your ex back or not so you can decide whether it’s worth it to mention that they should get in contact only if they change their mind.
I don’t think there’s anything desperate about that so it’s worth including in what you say before no contact.
If you don’t want them to come back, then just don’t bring it up.
That doesn’t mean they won’t try to come back if they change their mind.
It’s all about what you want to say to your ex before parting that helps you to approach no contact with the best possible chance of succeeding at it.
Related post: 2 weeks no contact should I give up?
4. Be honest about your feelings
Lastly, I would encourage you to be honest about your feelings.
Speak from the heart because this could be the last time you speak to your ex.
I don’t mean for that to sound scary but there’s always the chance that the two of you move on and find other people that you fall in love with.
And that will be great because both of you will be happily moving on with life but at the same time, you’re in this moment and it would be cathartic to say how you truly feel before parting.
This doesn’t mean that you should beg or plead for another chance but you can be as expressive as you want about your feelings towards them unless it’s overly negative and you’re going to lash out.
I don’t think resorting to insults, cursing and personal attacks is something you’d want to do unless your ex was absolutely horrible to you and this is something you need to heal.
Either way, I’d still caution you against doing anything like that.
I really understand and empathize with you during this difficult phase in your life. Breakups are absolutely no joke at all and the loss you’re experiencing isn’t anything to be snuffed at.
Be gentle and patient with yourself.
What you deserve right now is your own understanding, comfort and care. Do not be harsh with yourself during this time and try to be as authentic as you possibly can.
No contact will be difficult at first but it can be so cathartic and transformative.
I’ve realized that it’s these tough decisions that have made me stronger emotionally and mentally. One day, this will be something you look back on and appreciate for the growth it provided to you.
Just focus on being honest with your ex when deciding what to say before no contact.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be insightful, helpful and useful to you. If you have any questions or thoughts on the subject, please feel free to leave your questions and thoughts in the comment section below.