You’ve been getting to know someone great and things seemed to be progressing relatively well. You start to like them but suddenly, they disappear. You constantly reach out only to receive nothing but silence.
In other words, you’ve been ghosted and as soon as you realize what has happened, it leaves you feeling hurt, confused, desperate and anxious.
You probably don’t know how to handle the situation so here’s what to do when you’ve been ghosted.
Do absolutely nothing. Don’t reach out. Don’t interact with him or her on social media. Don’t call and definitely don’t seek out an explanation.
I know that this seems counterintuitive but it works, especially if you’re afraid of scaring them off.
Reasons why you shouldn’t contact someone who ghosted you
If they wanted to remain in your life, they would have. Nobody ghosts someone accidentally. It’s a choice.
Given that they chose to walk away from you, it would make far more sense to let them go than to chase after them.
They don’t feel like you’re the one.
It hurts to hear this but it’s true. By contacting or chasing someone who ghosted you, it makes you look desperate and needy.
Consider this for a moment – would you not be rewarding someone for ghosting you by chasing after them?
In my life, I tend to only give my time and energy to people who make an effort to stay in touch.
All relationships of any kind require some work for them to grow and weather storms. It takes two to tango.
If someone isn’t willing to work through issues by staying in touch, it’s a waste of time and energy to change their mind.
The only time I would advise you to make more of an effort to win back someone who is ghosting you is if you did something wrong.
In such an event, it’s okay to make more of an effort to get them back into your life.
Another reason why you shouldn’t contact someone who ghosted you is that it may chase them away forever.
Clearly, this individual is uncertain of whether or not they want to be in your life and vice versa.
They may need time to think.
By not reaching out, it may just help to reattract them because you’d be showing your self-respect and will power to not be chasing.
People tend to devalue that which comes easy.
If they feel or expect you to chase after them when they ghost you, not doing so will have a profound effect on their impression of you.
In other words, if one of the reasons why you got ghosted was because you over pursued and chased that individual, not contacting them will have the opposite effect and possibly win them back.
Lastly, the person who ghosted you has a very real reason for not communicating with you anymore and nothing you say or do will change their mind.
It would be far more respectful if they offered an explanation but if they don’t, take their actions at face value and just lose their number from your phone.
You don’t need anyone who doesn’t want to be a part of your life.
That same time and energy can be directed to other amazing people who want to know you on a deeper level.
Trust me when I tell you that it’s far more gratifying and fulfilling to spend time with people who adore and love you.
Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that you miss them or feel upset about the entire situation.
Here’s another thing to consider – nothing they say will make you feel better so why even bother asking for a reason.
Things are obviously not going the way you hoped it would.
Sure, you could make some adjustments if they make an effort to explain but if someone is at the point of ghosting you, nothing they say provides you with enough opportunity to win them back.
And what they say will often be close ended.
This means that they will leave no room for you to adjust your approach or win them back because they’ve already made up their mind.
If I were you, consider being ghosted as the closure you need and try your best to move on.
Related post: What is ghosting on social media?
How to get over being ghosted
All of us, myself included, have been ghosted at some point or the other. It’s unavoidable in this day and age.
It particularly hurts when you are ghosted by someone you genuinely care about so the following tips are designed to help you get over being ghosted based on consensus from people who have been through this.
- Accept what has happened.
- Delete that person’s number and details.
- Remove any reminders of the person who ghosted you.
- Allow yourself to feel hurt, upset and confused.
- Busy yourself with things that you enjoy.
Let’s take a closer look at each of these tips so you understand why they are so effective.
Accept what has happened – Some things in life are beyond our control, such as the actions of others. We can only do so much before it’s out of our hands. Nothing you say or do can change the fact that this individual has ghosted you. It’s more beneficial to focus on what to do going forward.
Delete that person’s number and details – To avoid reaching out or chasing after that person, it’s best that you delete their contact details. Will power alone may not be enough. I found this to be most effective.
Remove any reminders of the person who ghosted you – If you’re struggling to move on, it might be time to part with anything that reminds you of this person. Delete pictures, videos and messages you received from this person until you’ve moved on.
Allow yourself to feel hurt, upset and confused – These emotions are expected, especially when you feel like you have no answers for all your questions. It’s okay to be upset. You cared about this person and didn’t feel like they would do this. The only way to recover is to accept that you feel hurt, go through those emotions and eventually, you’ll make peace with what happened.
Busy yourself with things you enjoy – I understand that it’s difficult to find happiness in doing things you even enjoy during a troubling time or experience but it’s imperative that you do. It’s not about ignoring what happened or pretending that everything is fine. It’s about reminding yourself that there is so much in life to experience. This is also a form of self-love that permits you to focus more on your well being rather than being controlled by the selfish actions of someone else.
Related post: Why did he stop texting me?
It will take time before you fully accept what has happened and move on. But, you’ll get past this and you’ll find happiness again, I can promise you that.
Just don’t sacrifice your self worth on someone who doesn’t even care to stick around and make things work.
They’re not worth it.
With that being said, I hope this article provided you with good advice on what to do when you’ve been ghosted. Feel free to share your tips in the comment section below.