What To Do When You’re Still In Love With Your Ex


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Moving forward in life can be difficult when you find yourself ruminating or being nostalgic. Perhaps you’ve been through a breakup but the feelings remain. You try to move on but you can’t stop thinking about your ex. So, in today’s article, I’m going to share some tips on what to do when you’re still in love with your ex.

I’d like to begin this article by telling you that you can move on. 

Even if you’re still in love with your ex, it doesn’t mean you always will be. 

There was a time when I thought that I wouldn’t be able to move on from my ex.

That I wouldn’t ever be in love with anyone but her.

And yet, fast forward a few years, I’m in a relationship with someone who I love more than anyone I’ve ever been with, including my ex. 

The most important thing I can advise you to do right now is to be patient with yourself.

Romantic feelings need to be nurtured regularly to grow.

When the source for those romantic feelings is no longer a part of your life, eventually, through time and patience, those feelings will diminish because they can’t be nurtured. 

It won’t be painless but you’ll get through it. 

And when you finally stop being inlove with your ex, you’ll discover a renewed sense of vigor with a strong desire to start a new romantic chapter in your life. 

With that being said, I’d like to discuss a plethora of ideas on what to do when you’re still in love with your ex. 

1. Use the no contact rule

If you have been dumped and you’re trying to win back your ex because you’re still in love with them, the last thing you want to do is constantly blow up their phone.

It’s not attractive to be desperate, unstable and overwhelmingly emotional around your ex. 

Unfortunately, chatting to your ex or following their online activity on social media poses too big of a risk for your mental and emotional well being.

You may find yourself saying the wrong things that scare your ex away altogether.

Sometimes, breakups aren’t permanent.

They can be fixed relatively quickly through communication and effort. 

Other times, they require distance and no communication to give your ex the time and space they need to not only miss you but to realize that they may have actually lost you by walking away. 

This could encourage your ex to reach out and contact you when this realization sets in. 

The problem is that your ex may not even get the opportunity to miss you if they are constantly bombarded with emotional and desperate texts from you all the time. 

For these reasons, I implore you to try the no contact rule.

It is an effective way to move on or to give your ex space and time they need to reevaluate their feelings and possibly come back. 

If they do reach out, then it’s an obvious sign that your ex misses you to some degree and actually wants to talk to you. 

Related post: 2 weeks no contact should I give up?

2. Don’t chase after your ex

Chasing after your ex will only add fuel to the fire in your heart to be with them. If your goal is to move on, making more of an effort to get them back will not facilitate that. 

It will only make you more emotionally invested. 

The problem with chasing someone who doesn’t want to be with you is that it devalues your worth. 

It can make you appear to be desperate, needy, weak or clingy. All of these traits are not attractive to an ex.

Even if you want to get back with your ex, chasing them will not work unless the reason for your split was a lack of effort on your part.

Chasing your ex constitutes texting them often, calling, commenting on most of their social media posts, trying to see them in person and so forth.

Related post: If you love someone, should you let them go?

3. Avoid telling them how you feel all of the time

When someone walks away from a relationship or rejects you, telling them how you feel isn’t really all that helpful unless it was the source of your problems.

This is especially true when a significant amount of time has amassed since the breakup and your ex left due to a loss of romantic feelings and attraction.

Knowing that you desperately want to be with them or miss them will not make them automatically feel the same.

It also removes any and all mystery from the situation which is unhelpful because not knowing how you feel could pique his or her interest in you.

This is one of the main reasons why the no contact rule is so effective.

It creates uncertainty and excitement to an otherwise dead relationship. 

4. Focus on improving yourself

After a breakup, it’s tempting to get stuck in a rut and engage in some self pity.

It’s not an uncommon pattern of behavior but that doesn’t make it healthy or beneficial.

I understand that you don’t feel motivated or enthusiastic about pursuing goals or self-improvement during this period when all you can think about is how much you miss your ex.

But, sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself will not change anything.

I hope that I’m not coming across as harsh or blunt but this is something that needs to be said.

Trust me when I tell you that I made this mistake in the past and regretted it.

You can’t afford to lose precious time in your life.

You may not feel like doing things but don’t allow feelings to dictate when you do things that are beneficial to you and those whom you love.

My confidence took a huge knock after breakups and I found self-improvement to be the remedy that reignited my self-love.

Channel all your feelings towards improving yourself and your life.

In some time, whether your ex comes back or you meet someone else, you’ll be a new and improved version of yourself. 

And that will make you be twice as attractive as you’ve ever been. 

Related post: Why am I unreliable? 3 steps to become reliable

5. Focus on having fun

As much as you don’t feel like having fun right now, it’s imperative that you try. 

Go out with friends and family, try new things, set exciting goals for yourself, embrace some change in your career and start focusing on yourself.

At first, it will be a struggle to handle these things after a breakup.

But, with time, you’ll start to get a taste of life again and it will be something you begin to really enjoy.

Additionally, the more new memories you make, the less likely you are to dwell on the past. 

When you’re still in love with your ex, it’s tempting to get wrapped up in nostalgia.

The problem with looking back at the past constantly is that it will leave you stuck back there.

Life is constantly moving forward and you should not allow yourself to get left behind.

When you get through this phase of your life, you’ll be happy to have made new and fun memories rather than wallowing and isolating yourself.

6. Give yourself the freedom to feel your emotions

Here’s what to do when you’re still in love with your ex but want to move on to some extent, experience the pain.

There’s no getting away from it.

All those feelings of loss and love cannot go unnoticed or ignored. Eventually, they will build up in you and cause an explosion.

They can even create stress in your body and make you very unwell.

It will take you time and possibly a ton of tears but if you allow yourself to feel everything, whether it’s painful or weakening, you’ll make peace with it.

Those feelings will gradually decline. 

They’ll change into a different form of love and they’ll also be channeled into different people and areas of your life that are important to you.

Don’t struggle against love because you will often fail. 

Additionally, don’t expect much from these feelings right now either.

By the time you’ve experienced them fully, you’d have made enough progress to start enjoying your life and opening a new chapter.

That love will no longer hold you by the throat and keep you stuck in the past. I can promise you that.

Related post: How to deal with loving someone you can’t have

7. Don’t jump into a new relationship when you’re still in love with your ex

Rushing to date other people or getting into a serious relationship is something you never want to do when you’re still in love with your ex.

You’ll end up hurting yourself and someone else because rebound relationships don’t work out most of the time.

Even if you start to develop feelings of attraction for someone else, it’s best to take it slow than to jump into a relationship because that will not automatically erase the feelings you have for your ex.

It’s also unfair to be with someone else when you’re still in love with your ex.

The best thing to do is be honest about how you’re feeling.

Unless you are certain that the love you have for your ex will not interfere with a new relationship and these feelings do not mean that you have any intention of getting back with your ex then it may be okay. 

More often than not, I’d just advise you to wait for some time, take things slow, build a better connection with someone else and when you feel truly ready to move on, then enter a new relationship or start dating other people. 

Related post: Do rebounds make you miss your ex more?

8. Be patient with yourself 

Don’t beat yourself up for having feelings of love for someone.

It’s natural and most of us go through something like this at some point in our lives. 

You can choose to work things out with your ex or to move on completely. The choice is up to you. But, it’s not going to happen on your timeline.

There’s no deadline for when either outcome will take place so please be patient.

Allow time to work its magic and don’t rush yourself or your ex.

When the time is right, things will eventually fall into place.

Until then, you may have to struggle a bit and deal with a lot of hardship. It will subside. 

Don’t give up hope on yourself finding peace and happiness again.

In conclusion

If you follow all the tips in this article on what to do when you’re still in love with your ex, I’m more than certain that you’ll avoid self-destructive behavior and you’ll drastically improve your chances of winning back your ex or moving on sooner. 

Things will be difficult at first.

You’ll experience a host of different feelings on a regular basis but that is part of the healing process.

Don’t run from the pain.

Feel it and embrace change.

With time, you’ll start to heal and the situation you find yourself in will change.

Either you’ll get back with your ex or you’ll move on and find happiness in being single again or with someone else.

Just be as patient as you possibly can.

Put extra effort into improving yourself and don’t allow feelings of pain and suffering to prevent you from doing what’s right and good for you.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on what to do when you’re still in love with your ex to be enlightening and helpful. Please share some of your thoughts or questions in the comment section below.

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