One of the few things we dread after a breakup is the idea of our ex moving on. It may even keep us awake at night. And when it happens, you’re left feeling horrible and heartbroken. Which begs the question, what to do if your ex is in a rebound relationship?
Don’t panic. That’s the first thing you should do. Don’t reach out or try to get any more information on his or her rebound relationship. Inaction and indifference is the ultimate reaction to your ex who has moved onto a rebound relationship.
I’ll discuss the importance of inaction and indifference later on in this article.
But for now, let’s take a closer look at rebound relationships because I’m sure by the end of it, you won’t feel as upset, scared, afraid or hurt as you do now.
What is a rebound relationship?
If you Google rebound relationships, the first definition you find is from Wikipedia and it is as follows – A rebound is an undefined period following the breakup of a romantic relationship. The term’s use dates back to at least the 1830s, when Mary Russell Mitford wrote of “nothing so easy as catching a heart on the rebound”.
So a relationship during the rebound period is called a rebound relationship. What Mary Russel Mitford stated about a rebounding heart is quite interesting.
What would make it so easy to catch a rebounding heart in contrast to someone who isn’t going through a breakup?
I’m willing to bet that 99% of people who go through a breakup experience a feeling of emptiness in their heart.
That lack of attention, care, love and presence is almost overwhelming to deal with.
Your heart got so used to loving and being loved that without it, you feel afraid and incomplete. It’s like you enter a long, slow and drawn out flight or fight reaction because you feel endangered by the change.
So, what do you do?
Some people embrace this feeling and choose to fight. They remain single and work through their inner turmoil until they have moved on from the breakup.
They reach a state of normalcy again and that emptiness they once felt is filled up with self care and love.
You rediscover your independence and identity as an individual.
This is, by far, the healthiest approach to dealing with a breakup.
Other people tend to embrace a flight response.
That shockingly empty feeling causes them to seek out love from the next possible source. Unconsciously, they let down all their boundaries and embrace someone new into their life as a bandaid for their pain.
Most of us have rebounded at some point or another.
As much as they feel real, the likelihood of these relationships lasting is slim to none.
So even though your ex is in a rebound relationship, do not discount the fact and reality that he or she is only in this relationship because you are no longer in their life as a partner.
You play a role in why they are in that relationship.
It’s not that you have been forgotten or that your ex no longer cares about you.
On the contrary, they’re probably in that rebound relationship to try and stop caring about you so much.
Why do most rebound relationships fail?
By nature of it being a rebound relationship, it is almost destined to fail because the union comes into being not just because of love or attraction but to fill a void created by a breakup.
It’s like trying to fit a square in a triangle-shaped space, it doesn’t work. That emptiness and unresolved feelings will inevitably come to the surface.
Nobody can outrun their own feelings, fears and truths.
You can convincingly lie to everyone in the world but not to yourself. At the back of your mind, you’ll know what’s actually true.
Most people enter rebound relationships because they experience an escape and excitement from something new. Unfortunately, novelty always wears off.
And when it does, those feelings of excitement, thrill and escapism are diminished.
At which point, your ex realizes something profound – this relationship did not erase the unresolved feelings and emptiness from your breakup.
At which point, they either break up or pretend to be okay while secretly working on moving on from the breakup.
I’m not saying that all rebound relationships don’t work or that they are disingenuous.
There are other factors that play into the situation like how soon after the breakup they jumped into the relationship, whether they previously had a romantic relationship or connection with their new rebounding partner and if you both were long over the relationship by the time it ended.
Depending on those circumstance, it could change the outcome of that rebound relationship.
But more often than not, most rebound relationships will fail because they are entered into as a means of escapism rather than true love.
How long do rebound relationships last?
There’s no precise estimation for how long a rebound relationship lasts but from anecdotal evidence and research, it seems like most rebound relationships only last a few months.
Majority of rebound relationships will end within one year. And a large number of rebound relationships end within three months.
The duration of how long rebound relationships last depends on a number of specific factors as follows:
- If the other partner doesn’t know how to navigate a relationship with someone who is rebounding.
- The time it takes for the rebounder to get over the novelty and newness of the rebound relationship.
- The intensity of separation anxiety and other unresolved feelings the rebounder experiences post-breakup and causes regret.
- Incompatibility in the rebound relationship.
No rebound relationship can occupy your ex’s thoughts and time 24/7 and that is an important factor to keep in mind.
What happens when he or she is alone? When they have absolutely nothing to distract them from those thoughts and feelings post-breakup.
They’re forced to face reality and that’s when the cracks in the foundation of that rebound relationship start to form and spread wildly.
What you should do if your ex is in a rebound relationship
I’m hoping by this point that you realize how unnecessary it is for you to chase or keep tabs on your ex during their rebound relationship because you don’t need to do anything for it to fail.
The only thing you will experience by chasing your ex, keeping tabs or remaining friends is pain, suffering, rejection, insecurity and fear.
All of which do absolutely nothing to make you feel good or change the situation.
Here’s what you should do instead.
Initiate no contact.
This is the most important thing you should do if your ex is in a rebound relationship. If you try to stay in contact or to be friends with your ex during this time, it will blow up in your face.
He or she will have a new partner and have you in the background. What you need to do is exit the situation entirely.
Because then your ex doesn’t get any comfort whatsoever from you being around.
Now that idea of losing you completely enters his or her mind. The reality of the breakup becomes more intense when the novelty of their rebound relationship wears off.
And because you initiated no contact, your ex will start to think and reflect about you and the relationship with rose-tinted glasses.
They’ll begin to forget about the flaws and fixate on those memorable experiences.
Even if they try to remind themselves of a painful time, they will still experience an emotional response and miss you. They’ll wish things could have been different.
Now during this time of no contact, do not share anything that indicates you’re having a hard time with the fact that your ex is in a rebound relationship.
If anything, spend this time working on yourself and processing the breakup.
The no contact rule is designed to help you get an ex back but also to move on from a breakup entirely.
Focus on moving beyond those painful feelings, try new things and improve your flaws.
In other words, focus entirely on self development. Make it a priority to become the best version of yourself.
Sure, it won’t be easy. The time during no contact isn’t exactly a walk in the path. It’s painful and depressing at moments. But, the whole point of it is to go through those moments so that you can let go of them entirely.
By the time you do, it’s highly possible your ex may reach out or has ended their rebound relationship.
If they haven’t broken up, when they reach out and experience this new and improved version of you, it’s going to rattle them in ways that you can’t even imagine.
That may even be the feather that breaks the camels back.
Your ex may realize they made a mistake breaking up with you or their attraction may get triggered all over again.
And you didn’t have to do anything at all to him or her and the situation.
You focused primarily on yourself and becoming a better person. The side effect of that is you have reopened the doors for reconciliation or a new relationship with your ex.
Another thing I want to emphasize is to NOT lash out at your ex when he or she enters a rebound relationship.
They’re not going to suddenly break up with their rebound partner just because you’re mad and lashed out.
If anything, they’ll run straight to their new lover and talk about how crazy you are.
Prioritize your well being
You’re single now and you have the opportunity to make you the number one priority in your life.
I understand that it’s a tough time but by practicing emotional control, you have so much to gain.
Not only do you avoid chasing your ex away or making a fool of yourself by lashing out but you develop more self-confidence and self-worth by choosing what’s good for you long term.
I hope that by this point, you have complete clarity on what to do if your ex is in a rebound relationship.
Trust me, maturity and indifference will make the greatest impact on the situation and your life.
When you allow people to choose you willingly, that’s when you enjoy the best relationships of your life.
Chasing after someone who doesn’t want to be with you or trying to manipulate them into getting back with you is short-sighted and a waste of time.
Your entire relationship will be riddled with insecurity, doubt and mistrust.
At the end of the day, everything will work out the way it’s meant to depending on how you show up in life.
If you maintain your composure and prioritize happiness over instant gratification, I’m more than certain that eventually, good things will happen for your future.
Bear with the situation right now. Make the conscious decision to move on with your life and live to the best of your ability irrespective of what your ex is doing or not doing.
Practice emotional control and let inaction speak on behalf of you. Trust me, it will have a tremendous effect compared to chasing after your ex or trying to sabotage her rebound relationship.
I hope you enjoyed this article on what to do if your ex is in a rebound relationship.
Head over to the comment section below and share your thoughts on the topic.
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