Ending contact with an ex is painful. It takes courage and strength to walk away from someone special. But, it’s necessary in a lot of cases. The thing is, there will be days that are incredibly difficult to get through. This begs the question, “What is the hardest day of no contact?”
The first day of no contact is hard because it takes everything in your power to cut ties with someone you love and probably want in your life. But, it’s usually the day when you are most bored or alone that is the hardest. We tend to ruminate and fixate on the past whenever we are by ourselves.
If you think about it, the modern world is designed to stimulate the mind at all times. We lose mastery over ourselves because we don’t experience the dips of boredom and loneliness often enough.
I like to believe that the mind is the greatest weapon we have.
It can be used to solve all sorts of problems, or it can be used to create problems. Unless you have worked religiously on developing a strong mindset and mastering the way you experience emotions, your mind has the potential to control and destroy you.
The same rationale underlies why people are plagued by regrets as they lie in bed at night thinking about the past.
They don’t know how to deal with their own thoughts and feelings in a healthy way.
Going no contact with someone who was your romantic partner will test the kind of relationship and understanding you have with yourself.
I’m talking from experience.
I didn’t know how to deal with hardship and loss. As a result of my inexperience, all that pain and stress manifested in health issues and chronic conditions.
If you suppress, express, or repress painful emotions, you will never truly process them and let go of them healthily.
Through submission, we learn more about ourselves and what it takes to let go of someone.
To submit means to accept that what you are going through right now is unavoidable and that you can’t change the fact that you are going through it.
I highly recommend reading the book “Letting Go” by David R. Hawkins to fully understand this concept. This book taught me a lot about how to process emotions and thoughts in a healthy way.
Anyway, providing yourself with the freedom to experience all your emotions without acting on them is how you submit.
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What you’ll notice is that, with time, those emotions will rise and fall. Each time you go through this cycle, it gets easier and easier to deal with it.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t partake in activities that help you process loss.
By all means, talk about it with people who care about you, journal your thoughts, challenge self-defeating beliefs, take up exercise, try a new hobby, and pursue new goals.
But, do those things because you want to, not because you expect them to change the way you feel or relieve you of the pain associated with no contact.
You need to read this article: How to accept rejection
What Makes No Contact So Hard
When bad things happen, you will desperately yearn for comfort. As much as we appreciate the comfort of our family, there’s something about receiving comfort from a romantic partner who has seen you in every kind of way.
That’s also going to be one of the hardest days of no contact.
If you’re in a long term relationship, you develop coping and support mechanisms around your partner.
As amazing as this may be, it also presents a problem when you no longer have that person to rely on.
Your mind and body will take a while to adjust.
At first, your instinct will be to seek out familiar comfort from that person, but because they are no longer in your life, it will register as extremely painful.
You’ll wish that they were around and that you were in contact with them.
You should sleep it off.
By the time a day has passed after a stressful or bad experience, the overwhelming need for comfort from your ex may have reduced, even a tiny bit.
Repeat that again and again.
Most of the time, you’ll be able to get through hardship without breaking no contact.
Be that as it may, I would advise you to develop new coping strategies for when something tumultuous happens in your life.
You need to read this article: How to cope with a breakup you don’t want
How To Deal With Hard Days During No Contact
“If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.”
My sister jokes about me being a doomsday planner, but even she will concede how useful this practice has been.
There have been many times that my overplanning or preparation has helped us weather storms, both literal and figurative.
Hardship is unavoidable in life, and as much as we can never truly be 100% prepared, we should try to be prepared to whatever degree is possible.
What can you do to cope with the hardest day of no contact?
That’s a better question to be asking.
It could happen randomly, but it will happen, and you should be prepared for it.
Here’s what I have done to prepare myself for catastrophes in my life.
- I have a therapist who I visit every two to three months.
- I have a small circle of people I trust to confide in.
- I’ve cultivated a better relationship with my loved ones.
- I spend time by myself to understand my patterns as a person.
- I work extremely hard at developing my faith.
- I write for this site and I journal.
- I work out every single day to strengthen my resolve and promote healthy habits.
- I intentionally shower myself with compassion and kindness, especially in my self-talk.
It may not seem revolutionary, but these simple things make the biggest difference over time.
What I’ve realized is that the remedy for a busy mind is a busy life.
Granted, immersing yourself in work or activities may be a temporary fix, but if you are prone to rumination and wallowing, you have to keep busy.
There’s no point in destroying yourself with stress or overthinking.
Look at all your options and choose the best one for you.
If that means working out, writing, spending time with family, meditating by yourself, taking a walk in public, being of service to others, or simply cooking a nice meal, do it.
Do whatever you can to cope in healthy and respectful ways.
Most people feel lost after a breakup.
This can create feelings of hopelessness and apathy.
The best way to remedy these issues during no contact is to be of use to others. We actually feel best when we help others. Find ways in which you can be useful to those who are going through a rough time, and watch how it fills your heart with hope and peace.
If there’s anything you take away from this article, let it be that.
You need to read this article: How to improve yourself during no contact with your ex
Final Thoughts
Loss is hard.
It doesn’t matter why or how you broke up with someone because you’ll still miss them. There’ll be days when it’s easier to live with, and then there’ll be days when you are stuck in the bittersweet embrace of nostalgia.
But, you’ll be okay.
Hang in there and remember why you have to be in no contact. You were born to do something meaningful with your life. Find that reason and lean on it during the hardest day of no contact.
With that being said, that brings us to the end of this article on what is the hardest day of no contact. I hope you found it to be insightful and helpful. If you would like to work with me through a breakup, check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package.