Imagine spending countless days and weeks getting to know someone and they suddenly disappear without a trace. Your calls go unanswered and so do your texts. You conduct a quick search on Google about this problem and the term “Ghosted” or “Ghosting” pops up. Which begs the question, what is ghosting?
Ghosting is the act of eliminating all contact with someone without giving them any explanations as to why. This can occur on social media when someone stops replying to all text messages, calls or emails from someone they were in contact with for some time.
We can compare this to the simple act of ignoring someone but the issue with ghosting is that it’s far more sinister.
Ghosting has become synonymous with dating and is one of the biggest fears that plagues people who try to connect with others online.
At this point, most people who have been on the market in the last 10 years or so would have experienced some degree of being ghosted. And some of us are guilty of ghosting.
The negative effects of ghosting
It’s a selfish act that provides no closure to someone. In trying to avoid rejecting others, we do more harm to other people than good. It shows a blatant disregard for moralistic values and emphasizes self-preservation at the expense of others for an unjustifiable reason.
To put it simply, ghosting is the act of a coward.
The problem with ghosting on social media is that it’s unpredictable. Someone could have a change of heart about you and suddenly cease all communication with you. Irrespective of how many texts or calls you make to solicit some kind of reasoning, you’ll never hear back from this person who ghosted you.
They have no intention of communicating with you again, even if that means being rude and unethical.
What I dislike about ghosting is that it sends a specific message that is unavoidable – it makes you feel like something is wrong with you. So much so that you don’t even deserve an explanation or a respectful rejection.
And that is awful because it can have tremendously negative effects on your self confidence and self perception.
I can’t think of anyone who enjoys being rejected. And for the most part, I understand the difficulties that come with rejecting someone but that is not reason enough to ignore someone with blatant disregard for their feelings.
Closure is important for anyone who is being rejected. Just because you’re ghosting someone doesn’t negate the sting and frustration they are going to experience. Even by you ghosting them, it’s still a form of rejection.
So, to create this narrative that you’re ghosting someone to avoid hurting them is utter nonsense.
Not only are you rejecting them through your actions but you leave them with nothing that can provide closure. Someone who is already having a rough time is going to assume that there was something definitely wrong with them.
That’s just terrible.
Related post: She stopped responding to my texts
What to do when someone ghosts you?
I wouldn’t blame you if the first thought that pops into your head when someone hasn’t replied to your messages is that they’re ghosting you.
But, to be on the safe side, give them the benefit of the doubt. Send another message to find out if they’re okay.
Keep it short and simple. Don’t address your concern of being ghosted either. Mention that you haven’t heard back from them and wanted to find out if they’re okay.
There’s nothing wrong with this message. It doesn’t smell of desperation nor does it imply that you’re suspecting them of ghosting you.
On the off chance that they are actually busy or dealing with an emergency that has rendered them unable to chat to you, this message will actually come across as caring and compassionate.
If you don’t hear back from them, it might be time to call it quits. Cut your losses and walk away because anything you try to do from this point onwards will be pointless and harmful to yourself.
Try using the no contact rule to move on. Remove this person’s number from your phone, unfriend them on social media and get rid of any and all reminders of them.
Now, it’s perfectly fine to prioritize yourself and cut them off. Do what feels right to you besides chasing after them. Chasing them for a reply will achieve nothing good. Accept that the situation is out of your hands and there’s nothing you could have done differently.
Because that’s honestly the case. Unless you were incredibly rude and disrespectful, you have nothing to be sorry about.
This situation is not a reflection of your flaws, it’s a reflection of their poor character and cowardice ways.
I’ve been in a situation like this before when I was getting to know a girl for a significant amount of time, things were going great but suddenly she’d ignore me. I wouldn’t be able to get a hold of her and it drove me crazy.
I felt like something was wrong with me but then she came back when I just stopped trying to get her attention. My mistake was allowing her back into my life because I was gullible back then.
She did it again. Only this time, when she tried coming back, I kicked her out.
She practically begged me to talk to her but I snubbed her and didn’t give her the time of day. Eventually, I realized that this girl was someone who lacked the moralistic and emotional values that I admire in some people.
Granted, this was not a permanent form of ghosting but it was leading to that point. This was not a case of someone going hot and cold. This was worse. I was being ghosted when she probably had someone else and then used when loneliness and boredom set in.
I say ghosted because I never did get an explanation and it happened out of leftfield.
I respect myself too much to put up with that kind of behavior from anyone.
If I even get a hint of someone ghosting me, I don’t waste my time.
It hasn’t happened often since that incident but on the occasion that it did, I never bothered with even sending a double text because I don’t have any interest in chasing after someone who has doubts about having me in their life.
A message to those who ghost
You’re not saving anyone from pain and you’re sacrificing your morals and ethics to take the easy way out.
Give someone the respect of a well worded rejection than blatantly ignoring and ghosting them.
It’s your duty. Nobody forced you into social interaction with this individual. You chose to engage with them which means that there’s an obligation on you to have the decency of rejecting them respectfully.
And if you’re being ghosted right now, don’t allow someone else to play with your feelings and presence in such a manner. Choose to walk away and not waste a second more on this individual.
You’re better off without them.
I wish I could tell you that are techniques to avoid getting ghosted but for the most part, there’s isn’t. What I will suggest is improving the standard of people you allow into your lives.
Give your time and energy to people who are morally sound. They are less likely to screw you over and you won’t have to deal with much ghosting on social media.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on what is ghosting on social media to be insightful. Please drop your comments below and I’ll be sure to reply.