At some point after being ghosted, most people will realize that the ghoster will come back. Sheepishly, they’ll show up out of the blue with a lame excuse for why they disappeared or with no excuse at all. When they do, you have a choice to either communicate with them or ignore them. This begs the question, What happens when you ignore a ghoster?
When you ignore a ghoster, they will be forced to swallow the bitter pill of rejection. They were under the impression that you would be happy or open to talking to them despite their disappearance. The fact that you are asserting your value by ignoring them will hurt their egos and force them to accept the consequences of their actions.
This will make a ghoster respond in one of the following ways:
- They will begin to chase you.
- They may leave you alone.
- They may contact mutual friends or family to intervene.
- They may start explaining themselves and apologizing.
- They may lash out and get angry with you.
- They may try to make you jealous or upset in a roundabout way.
Their reaction will depend on their level of maturity and interest in you.
A ghoster who is severely immature may lash out and get angry with you. This is because they cannot tolerate rejection or feeling disrespected, but they are too self absorbed and immature to introspect and correct their own behavior.
A ghoster who battles with insecurity and low self esteem may resort to begging and pleading because being ignored triggers the weakest beliefs they have about themselves. In an attempt to escape the ugliness of their own insecurities, they fall apart and resort to desperation.
A ghoster who lacks accountability and is unwilling to make an effort to explain themselves will just leave you alone. Even if they don’t lack accountability, they may have contacted you knowing full and well that they may have burned bridges with you. Ignoring them may validate that belief, which is why they would leave you alone.
A ghoster who is manipulative, narcissistic, or childish may attempt to make you jealous by sharing updates online or with others about how wonderful their life is or how amazing their love life appears to be.
A ghoster who is sincerely remorseful may explain themselves, take accountability for their actions, and sincerely apologize to you.
Should You Ignore A Ghoster?
Whether you intend on ignoring a ghoster temporarily or permanently is up to you.
But I think it’s important for you to honor yourself and be selective about who you allow into your life or back into your life.
Unrestricted or uncurated access to you will allow anyone and everyone with all sorts of intentions to enter your life and do whatever they want, even at the cost of your happiness and well being.
We have to be the ones to look out for ourselves.
I had a particular thought the other day that was directly related to this type of situation.
When you have a good heart and consider yourself a good person, the natural assumption is that good people will want to be with you. That is true, but you know what? People with bad hearts or bad intentions also want good people!
They certainly don’t want to be around people who are nastier than them.
So we have to be careful about who gains access to us.
You control who you attract into your life by filtering out those who don’t belong with you, and the only way to do that is by having standards and clear boundaries.
If we want to correct bad behavior, we have to assign a corresponding consequence for that behavior.
When someone disrespects us by ghosting us, they are essentially devaluing the time and effort we make to communicate with them. It should naturally follow that a consequence of this intentional act of ghosting should be that they lose access to us.
In other words, they shouldn’t get to communicate with us just because they decide to come back, unless we decide that we want to.
Yes, it’s true that ignoring a ghoster may not be enough for them to change. If they weren’t invested enough in you, they may just shrug it off and leave you alone without reflecting on their actions and changing.
But, here’s the thing, it’s not about them.
It shouldn’t be our job to make people change. This is about making sure that we don’t allow someone to stroll into our lives and take advantage of our kindness.
I am all for second chances, but those should only come when someone is sincere.
You need to read this article: I stopped texting him and haven’t heard from him
Does A Ghoster Feel Guilty?
It depends on the type of person they are, whether they have a vested interest in you, and whether they have the ability to analyze and be honest with themselves.
I’ve experienced both types of people, and it’s honestly just a lucky packet.
Some ghosters feel guilty and remorseful for how they behave, especially if they have grown and matured as people. In some cases, they get ghosted by someone they care about, and this gives them an inside look at how it feels to be treated so disrespectfully.
Once they gain more context, they are overwhelmed by guilt and aspire to make amends with those whom they ghosted.
Other ghosters just don’t care.
It sounds ridiculous to say, but it’s true. There are people out there who just don’t care enough about how their actions affect others.
They are self-absorbed and egotistical.
You can’t change them, and you certainly can’t elicit feelings of guilt in them, regardless of how you express yourself or what you do.
You need to read this article: Why do avoidants ghost?
Is It Best To Ignore A Ghoster?
Yes, it is best to ignore a ghoster if they have caused you immense pain and suffering through their behavior and have no genuine remorse or guilt for it. Also, if you have a soft spot for ghosters and struggle to hold people accountable when they disrespect you or violate your boundaries, it’s best for you to ignore them.
If you’ve noticed, the answer to this question only relates to you. There’s no point in doing something to elicit a reaction or change in the ghoster. That’s not worth your time or effort. You don’t want to change your behavior or stoop down to their level to prove a point.
True strength comes from maintaining your dignity and honoring your values, regardless of what others say or do.
Sure, the temptation to get ‘revenge’ on a ghoster exists, but that doesn’t mean you should indulge it.
Choosing to ignore someone should be a decision you make solely based on what is best for you in specific instances.
Granted, some people deserve a second chance, and if the ghoster is genuinely remorseful and you care about them despite this betrayal of trust, you could talk to them.
As long as it doesn’t negatively affect you.
In fact, perhaps having a conversation with the ghoster and expressing how you feel could be therapeutic and offer you some degree of closure, especially if romantic feelings were involved.
And if you want to give them another chance to win back your trust and time, then that’s something you could do as well, but with caution.
You need to read this article: How to make a guy regret ghosting you
Is Ghosting Ever Forgivable?
Yes, I feel like ghosting is forgivable if the ghoster is genuinely remorseful and takes accountability for the consequences of their actions. Forgiveness is therapeutic for the person who has been hurt.
Holding onto a grudge or feelings of betrayal can infect your heart and slowly diminish your ability to be happy, trusting, and peaceful.
They say that forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself because it allows you to unburden yourself of pain and suffering.
I can attest to this.
But, forgiveness doesn’t necessitate another chance of being hurt by the same person.
You could forgive someone without inviting them back into your life in the same capacity as before.
And if you want to let them back into your life in the same capacity as before, forgiveness allows you to let go of what they did while also enforcing new boundaries.
This will give both of you a genuine chance.
But, the extent of your forgiveness is something that depends on how you feel.
I would argue that even if a ghoster doesn’t come back and apologize, forgive them for yourself and move on with your life as if they didn’t exist.
In a way, forgiving and forgetting the ghoster is the best revenge.
You need to read this article: 10 Reasons why ghosters always come back
- When ghosters are ignored, they either chase you, get angry, apologize, get someone to intervene, leave you alone, or try to make you jealous in some way or another to get your attention.
- We should never reward someone who ghosted us by just allowing them back into our life. This invites them to do it again.
- Ghosters will only change if they want to. So, if you decide to ignore a ghoster, do it because you don’t want to talk to them rather than to elicit change in them.
- A ghoster may feel remorseful or guilty if they grow up and reflect on their behavior or experience being ghosted by someone they care about.
- It is best to ignore a ghoster if they do not appear to be sincerely remorseful and apologetic.
I hope that if you have reached this point, you have a well informed and thorough understanding of what happens when you ignore a ghoster.
Whatever you do, let it be for the right reason.
Take care of yourself, and make sure that you prioritize your wellbeing over the presence of someone who doesn’t respect or value you.
With that being said, if you’d like to learn more about how to re attract an ex, be sure to check out my ebook, Reconcile, by clicking here. Alternatively, check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package.