Recently, I was on my way out for a meeting when I got an email requesting a consultation and the subject read as follows – we haven’t talked in a week after fighting.
I couldn’t help but sigh because it’s never a good sign when a couple stops communicating after a fight.
More often than not, this indicates that one or both parties feel disrespected and unheard. Hurt, anger, frustration and resentment linger amidst an unresolved issue.
If things were bad during the fight, it’s probably worse now because your partner is clearly upset enough to avoid you for a week or more.
Before we continue, we need to determine something important.
Is this common or is this the first time that you haven’t talked in a week after fighting?
If this is a regular issue, then there’s a toxic pattern that needs to be broken. It may not result in any major breakdowns in the relationship right now but can lead to greater communication and problem-solving issues in the future.
If this is a first-time event, then it has to be addressed as soon as possible and in the right manner to avoid breaking up and encouraging stonewalling after disagreements.
Either way, there’s work to be done and I’m glad that you’re here because I have a lot to share on this topic.
My guess is that you actually want to communicate with him but you’re waiting until he reaches out.
It’s really starting to affect you that he hasn’t and you’re not used to being in this situation.
It’s causing you to fear the possibility of losing him and your relationship altogether.
Understandable but if you listen to what I’m about to share with you, there’s a good chance of rectifying this in a healthy manner.
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Reasons Why He Hasn’t Texted You After Fighting
His ego is bruised
Men are ego-driven and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it can be in situations like this.
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He doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong or he doesn’t want to feel like he’s caving to this waiting game with you.
If he was wrong, eventually, his ego will recover and he’ll make a move to fix things. Alternatively, he’ll wait and as soon as you reach out, he’ll be amenable to making up.
If he wasn’t wrong, then he’ll expect you to chase a little and give his ego that validation, especially if you were the one to escalate things.
There are some cases when a man’s ego is out of control and he’ll treat you like trash because he can’t stand the idea of compromise.
This can be an interesting experience that sheds some light on what kind of man he is.
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He is stonewalling you
I’ve noticed that stonewalling is commonplace amongst people who are manipulative, ego-driven, narcissistic or simply toxic.
They’ll use stonewalling to prove a point, to manipulate you into withdrawing your rightful claim to get them back or to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.
I’ve noticed that guys who stonewall usually do so when they are clearly wrong but do so to shift the power dynamic in their favor.
Once they elicit a reaction out of you that makes them feel empowered and confident that you’ll chase, they’ll use this on you over and over again as a means of taking advantage of your feelings.
Please remember that there’s a fine line between a man not tolerating disrespect and a man who is stonewalling you for sinister intentions.
He’s upset and feels disrespected
Perhaps, during the fight, you lost all control of yourself and resorted to cursing him and saying really hurtful things.
I get it, everyone gets angry at some point.
You may say something hurtful from time to time.
But, there’s a certain line that once crossed, leaves behind wounds that scar.
Cross that line too frequently and you can do irreparable damage.
Examine what you said and did before and during the fight.
- Did you take things too far?
- Were you blatantly disrespectful and insulting?
- Did you say something that hit below the belt?
- Did you use something on him that he confides in you?
If yes, there’s no way that he wouldn’t be angry and upset with you.
Oh, and if you didn’t sincerely apologize, then that would explain why he hasn’t talked to you in a week after fighting!
Also, it could just be a case of needing more time to cool down before he can properly work through things.
Related post: Here’s why he is online but not texting you
You haven’t fixed the problem
In the event that the fight was about something that you were doing or not doing, it’s possible that he hasn’t talked to you because nothing has changed.
It’s extremely possible that he’s waiting for you to make an effort to rectify the issue and once you do, he’d contact you or be open to a proper conversation.
What you need to establish is whether this is the reason and if he has a fair point.
If you’re doing something that’s wrong, disrespectful to the relationship and/or unhealthy, then it’s time for you to consider using your actions to send a clear message to him that you respect his feelings.
Should You Reach Out To Him After A Week?
Yes, it’s a good idea, and here’s why.
You want to reach out.
That’s the biggest and most important reason to do so.
I’m not asking you to go back to him begging for attention or rewarding him for not texting you.
However, showing maturity and extending an olive branch is never a bad thing in situations like this.
If anything, you’ll avoid feeling regret if the relationship ends because you made an effort to reconcile after fighting.
Also, when is it never a good idea to remain authentic and honest with yourself and others?
By no means should you reward him with your attention if he’s not talking to you as a means of manipulating you or hurting you!
But, reaching out in a respectful manner and asking him to talk so that you both can work on things is neither desperate or weak.
It’s a sign of maturity and care.
I want to also emphasize the importance of showing up when you are wrong.
A relationship thrives when two people are willing to set aside their egos for the greater good.
You don’t have to abandon your internal defense mechanism that protects and preserves your heart.
But, there has to be a desire to not only compromise but to nurture the relationship.
If you were wrong, send him a sincere apology.
What constitutes a sincere apology, you may ask?
It consists of saying “I’m sorry” while acknowledging the other person’s feelings and your own behavior that contributed to making them feel that way followed by an expression to do better in the future and to make them feel better.
End of an apology expressing your feelings towards them as well.
It should be honest, authentic and without blaming the other person or making unnecessary excuses to justify hurting him.
I think the most important aspect of an apology should be sincerity.
People can often smell when an apology is half-baked and forced.
Be sure to come from a place of sincerity when apologizing. If you do, it will be easy to say the right words to him.
If you were not wrong and he was, just express a desire to communicate and then observe how he responds.
You don’t have to take responsibility for something you didn’t do.
It’s okay to maintain your stance but perhaps you both can attempt to redo your previous conversation in a manner that’s more respectful, understanding and thoughtful.
If he’s receptive, I’m sure things will work out.
If he’s not, well then you need to examine this behavior carefully and decide if this is a deal-breaker for you or a major red flag for the future.
The way I look at it, you have little to lose and much to gain by actually reaching out after a week of not talking.
Related post: Should you double text a guy if he hasn’t replied?
Final Thoughts
When the two of you work through this issue, I think it’s important for you to figure out what went wrong that led to a complete abandonment of communication.
What you don’t want is for this to become the natural response to a fight.
It is much healthier to reach a point of being able to maintain communication even if a fight isn’t resolved.
By all means, take time away from each other to cool down.
But, do so in a manner that doesn’t create a bigger gap between the two of you.
Come up with a way of letting each other know that you need time to cool down and think. Keep in touch briefly at that time as well to provide assurance to each other.
Better yet, figure out communication tips that work for the two of you to avoid ending up in this situation at all.
Create a boundary and when it’s crossed, assert a serious consequence or you risk facing worse issues down the road.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on what to do if we haven’t talked in a week after fighting to be comforting, practical and problem-solving. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below to let me know.
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