I’ve never had a breakup that didn’t affect my self-confidence in some way. I’m not afraid to admit that because I’ve also used breakups as a stepping stone to grow. If you are feeling insecure, unworthy of love, self-loathing, and overcome by emotions of weakness, you need to study this article on the ways to rebuild self-confidence after a breakup.
If you follow some of the advice in this article, I’m certain that you’ll regain the self-confidence that was lost. If you follow all of the advice, you could gain even more self-confidence than you had prior to the breakup.
It’s a lofty statement to make, but one that I can attest to because I’ve been through it.
Is self-confidence ever truly broken or lost?
I don’t think so.
Confidence is within all of us but can be hindered by our perception of certain experiences or beliefs.
In this case, it would be something along the lines of not feeling valuable or worthwhile whenever you remember the breakup.
What we want to do is separate your self-confidence from the event because when someone cheats or breaks up with you unexpectedly, it is a reflection of their own dilemma or issues rather than a reflection of your worth, especially if you didn’t violate any boundaries.
So I want you to change the internal dialogue.
Stop affirming that you don’t have self-confidence or that you lost it. Perhaps it took a beating, but like your body, it can be strengthened and rebuilt.
Everything that escapes your lips about your worth should be empowering from here on out because the body is objective and will believe whatever you say to it.
Related article: How to get over a love hangover
How To Rebuild Self-Confidence After Being Dumped
1. Practice Self-Compassion
The chatter in our minds can be brutal. Pay attention to it and notice the ratio between compassionate thoughts and critical thoughts. Mine used to be a dialogue consisting primarily of self-loathing and self-blame.
It took a lot of work to develop self-compassion, but it started with thinking positively and compassionately about myself.
For every negative thought about myself or my life, I mentally strike it off and replace it with a positive and compassionate thought.
This was something that I learned from Ed Mylett, and it actually works wonderfully if you diligently practice.
Related article: 10 Ways to love yourself after getting dumped
2. Accept Your Emotions
Breakups are difficult and we suffer, but oftentimes, our suffering is made worse by our aversion to discomfort.
Emotions don’t have to be ‘fixed’. Every emotion has a place in your heart, and it should rarely be judged as good or bad.
Give yourself some freedom to experience a range of emotions after a breakup without escaping, repressing, or expressing them negatively
Watch the emotions rise and fall without judgment, and with each wave, it will get easier to deal with. It takes courage and strength to face suffering, and by doing so, you are deserving of self-confidence.
Related article: Hurt by someone you love? 8 Ways to heal
3. Set And Achieve Small Goals
The promises I keep to others and to myself become the reasons why I feel confident.
Low self-confidence presents itself as doubt, but if you can trust yourself to show up and deliver, then you will experience high self-confidence.
What’s a practical way of proving that you can trust yourself to show up, deliver, and overcome obstacles? Achieving goals.
Most of us feel extreme resistance to doing anything after a breakup because we are weakened by the pain of loss. Overburdening ourselves with elaborate goals is a recipe for failure, which is why I encourage you to start with small, achievable goals until you are stronger.
4. Reflect On The Relationship
Thinking too much about the relationship will be painful, and trying not to think about it will be painful.
But how you think about the relationship will determine whether you feel empowered or disempowered.
It took me very long in life to realize that the best way to overcome suffering is by giving it substance or meaning.
If you reflect on a relationship that ended with the intent of learning something from it, you’ll suffer less and avoid unnecessary damage to your self-confidence.
Perspective matters, and if you can use the breakup as a source for growth, it won’t invalidate your positive qualities or worth.
5. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
You will never feel good about yourself surrounded by people who stick a knife in your back at every chance.
Even just avoiding toxic friends can have a tremendous effect on rebuilding self-confidence after a breakup.
Supportive friends and family are those who understand your feelings, provide comfort, and remind you of all the wonderful attributes you possess.
Rather than focusing on the relationship or your ex, which is something you will want to do, they will redirect your focus towards life as a whole and you as a person.
Good friends will drive you away from self-loathing while gently exploring personal responsibility for mistakes or failures in the relationship in an attempt to help you grow.
6. Be Persistent But Slow Down
The journey back from heartbreak can be a long one. That doesn’t mean you should expect it to be a long and tedious journey, but be prepared that it can be.
Stay persistent with your goals, positive self-talk, and self-care.
At the same time, avoid rushing into new relationships because rebounds barely work out. The last thing you need is two failed relationships without having healed from your main breakup.
7. Engage in Self-Care
Without health, nothing is enjoyable.
Take it from someone who was incredibly sick for a few years. You must prioritize physical and mental well-being. This includes getting enough sleep, eating healthily, and exercising regularly.
What you’ll find is that self-care activities often require effort, mental or physical. Any activity of that nature will have a positive effect on self-confidence.
Those tiny wins from self-care activities on a daily basis are a wonderful use of your time, energy, emotions, and focus.
No matter how upset I am, a walk outdoors always helps me gain mental clarity and emotional stability.
At the same time, I look better because I’m fit, and all of that, in conjunction with each other, helps to rebuild self-confidence after a breakup.
Related article: 10 Ideas for self-care after a breakup
8. Rediscover Your Passions
To rediscover your identity, it’s a wonderful idea to reconnect with hobbies and activities you enjoyed before the relationship.
When you’re ready, start investing more time and energy into hobbies and activities that ignite your soul with hope and enthusiasm.
The progress and fun you have will directly impact your self-confidence in a positive way.
9. Positive Affirmations
Your body is objective and will absorb everything you say to it. If you proclaim that you’re weak, stressed, sad, anxious, or depressed, it will enhance those feelings. Conversely, if you affirm positive messages to yourself, your body will enhance or trigger those feelings.
No longer do I indulge in words that break me down because what I say to myself often becomes my beliefs.
Every belief I hold should empower and strengthen me in some way. This is especially true when you’re going through a breakup.
Be your own personal cheerleader, even when you don’t feel like it.
Over time, you’ll reinforce beliefs that help you rebuild self-confidence after a breakup.
Check out this list of positive affirmations and add them to your daily self-talk.
10. Enhance Your Best Traits
I’m sure right now that you can list a ton of things that you feel are lacking or not good enough within yourself.
That isn’t really helpful when you’re trying to build self-confidence.
Until you have a stable foundation of self-belief, I believe it’s more effective to focus on your strengths and positive attributes.
Lean more towards those things until you redevelop an appreciation for yourself.
Once you start seeing yourself in a positive light, you can proceed to enhance or improve your shortcomings.