Being the last one to get married in your friend group or family can be a source of anxiety, insecurity, and depression.
It’s worse when you belong to a community with a culture that shames you for not being married by a certain age.
I don’t believe that a fixation on what we don’t have is the way to live a good life. Nor do I think it is an attractive way to find someone who is right for us.
To help you with this issue, I’ve put together a list of ways to deal with being the last one to get married.
I’m willing to risk my reputation by saying that this article will provide you with hope and direction in your love life, unlike anything else you may read.
Let’s get into it.
How To Cope With The Loneliness Of Being Single
1. Own Your Journey
My new motto in life is to empower myself with complete immersion in my story. When you are self-serving, it creates a life narrative that extends beyond societal norms and expectations.
This mindset often leads to a healthy relationship with yourself as an individual and your desire to get married.
I want you to know that you do not have to be in a race with the rest of society or with a timeline that was imposed on you by others or by yourself.
When you surrender to life, it’s easier to make better decisions that lead you towards what you want. This is one of the reasons why so many people find love when they stop looking for it.
They shift their attention to the journey of life as it unfolds, and that directs them to new opportunities and experiences.
2. Avoid Comparing Yourself To Others
Generally, we all have the tendency to compare ourselves to people we respect or look up to. Our friends and family are people we respect and love, which can influence us to measure ourselves against them.
But comparison is the thief of joy.
You have to stop yourself when you are influenced to compare yourself to others.
This is one of the reasons why social media can be so toxic.
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It becomes a constant reminder of how everyone else is getting married while we aren’t. It doesn’t accurately reflect reality, nor does it level the playing field in any way.
All of us are on our own journey. We have our own obstacles, strengths and weaknesses, circumstances, and expectations.
It’s unfair to compare ourselves to others under these circumstances.
As much as possible, avoid social media if it makes you feel depressed about being the last one to get married in your friend group.
Related article: How do I stop envying other people’s relationships
3. Design A Purpose-Driven Lifestyle
Anyone like me will understand the turmoil that comes from placing romantic love at the epicenter of your existence.
It’s intense, devastating, and overwhelming, especially when you are single and can’t find the right person to marry.
When examining my life, I feel like I’ve done a disservice to myself and to my past partner’s because I wasn’t complete as an individual.
It’s too much pressure to place the meaning of your life in a romantic relationship.
Ever since I’ve made changes to my mindset and intentionally stepped away from romantic relationships to pursue a life of meaning, everything has changed for me.
The most important change was how I felt about my life and myself.
My self-worth has increased, and my sense of wellbeing has followed suit.
That’s not to say I don’t want to get married or that I don’t feel lonely at times. I certainly do. But having a life of purpose gives me a sense of identity that is empowering.
Meditate on this question: What would I like to do with my life?
When you find an answer to this question that fills you with drive and clarity, you’ll learn how to deal with being the last one to get married.
More importantly, you’ll have so much to share with a spouse when it comes time to get married.
4. Trust In God
I believe that my ultimate purpose in life is to serve God.
He’s the most powerful and all-knowing. To me, this means that no matter what stands in my way or how impossible it might feel sometimes to get what or who I want, God can create a way for me.
Wouldn’t you agree that it’s comforting and assuring to believe that a higher power is watching over us?
With that understanding, I think about God all the time.
I don’t just turn to God when I’m upset about something or when I’m going through difficulty. I turn to God when I’m doing something good, when I’m having fun, when I’m setting goals, and when I’m reflecting on myself.
This relationship that I have developed with God has improved my life in many ways, but it has also strengthened me as a person.
I’ve noticed that submission to God removes a lot of desperation and misery. Since doing that, I have gotten way more attention from high-quality people than ever before.
The reason I mention this is because I’ve talked about how desperation repels romantic attraction.
If you have that desperate energy stemming from being the last one to get married in your circle, turn to God and allow him to dispel that from you.
You’d be shocked at how much more attractive you become around people you would like to attract by doing this.
Related article: You’ll find love when you stop looking for it
5. Develop A Realistic View Of Marriage
Marriage is absolutely wonderful.
It can provide structure, growth, meaning, and peace under the right circumstances.
In fact, I would argue that if more of us focused on marriage rather than dating, we would have people who are much better suited for relationships and love than we do right now.
But marriage isn’t perfect.
In fact, marriages in this day and age are far from what they used to be. With a divorce rate that is inching toward 50%, we have to recognize that it isn’t just a bed of roses.
Marriage takes a lot of work and sacrifice. The intention should be to serve each other, support each other, and love each other. Not just when things are good, but when things are bad.
That’s why we take vows!
Just because everyone else in your social circle has gotten married doesn’t mean they will stay married or that their life is perfect.
In fact, their marriages may not be anything like what you would want from a lifelong commitment.
It’s important to grasp a realistic and honest perspective on marriage so that you can equip yourself for it.
As a result of doing this, you’ll find yourself able to cope with being the last one to get married.
6. Focus On Improving Your Chances Of Getting Married
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to sit around and mope over issues that are out of my control.
One could argue that finding a partner is within our control, but I don’t even believe that the persistent pursuit of people is the correct approach.
What I like to focus on is becoming the version of myself who is attractive and ready for marriage.
Not only will this approach make you more attractive and a better-quality partner, but the tangible benefits will improve your quality of life.
Here’s a list of things you can focus on improving to become the best possible catch:
- Get into good health
- Improve your physique with exercise
- Master your strengths and overcome your weaknesses in social settings
- Improve your financial capabilities (start a side hustle, find a new job, learn a new skill)
- Make plans to relocate to a place with better options for your romantic life
By the time you work your way through this list, you’ll naturally learn how to deal with being the last one to get married because you’ll be occupied with improving your life.
Related article: How to become the hottest version of yourself
7. Expand Your Social Circle
I understand how isolating it feels to be the only one in your friend group who isn’t married. You may not want to always be the odd one out during hangouts.
It doesn’t mean that you have to abandon your social circle, but have you considered expanding it?
Finding people who are on a similar journey as you are can be comforting and therapeutic, especially if you can pour wisdom and support into each other.
Also, what I find is that an expanded social circle provides more opportunities for you to meet someone you may find attractive and likeable.
Try to meet new people by delving into more hobbies of your liking or by trying new activities with other people.
8. Create A Support System For Yourself
I just want you to know that feeling left behind triggers many painful emotions like loneliness, abandonment, insecurity, fear, and anxiety.
Many of us are going through the same thing, and it’s common to feel like this.
But to wallow in it without support is a recipe for depression and disaster.
Make an effort to reach out and surround yourself with people who truly want to see you content and empowered.
If you don’t have many friends or family to rely on, consider speaking to a counselor or therapist while you navigate this period of your life.
You’re not weak for needing some support during a lonely period in your life.
Often, I find that a lot of people feel this way but are too afraid to voice their feelings. By opening up, there’s a possibility that it creates a safe space and connection for other people in your life to rely on you as well.
That’s when you can form a supportive unit with people who are all cheering for each other.
Also, it’s true that many of us make poor romantic decisions when we are in a state of fear or desperation.
It will be helpful to get a trusted third-party opinion before you sign yourself up for another heartbreak.
9. Focus On The Present Moment
Let’s talk about mindfulness.
It clears the mind, centers the soul, and calms the nervous system.
This can be a wonderful way to balance yourself when the fear of being the last one to get married wreaks havoc on your mind and body.
But there’s something more important that I’d like to share with you.
This might be the last time you are single for the rest of your life.
Think about that for a second before you move on.
Let’s assume that you meet the love of your life and future spouse within the next 5 years. It’s possible that you’ll live your entire life with them until one of you passes away.
What good would it have been to spend this time miserable, depressed, and fearful if you ended up getting married down the line?
You’re going to have a lot of responsibilities and expectations placed on you when marriage and parenthood arrive.
Why not make the most of your single years so that you have no regrets when you do get married?
Sleep on that thought, and let me know how it makes you feel.
Personally, it created another mindset shift for me that made my life incredibly more enjoyable while instilling certainty that my life will play out as it’s meant to.
10. Adjust Your Expectations
I like to call myself a realistic optimist.
I imagine great outcomes, but I operate within the realm of reality and possibility.
Sometimes, the reason people are the last ones to get married is because they have unrealistic expectations of others.
In wanting everything of the best, you may end up with nothing at all because your perception of people is one of perfection, while none of us, including you, can attain it.
Don’t compromise on important attributes like loyalty, honesty, respect, and kindness, but don’t get hung up on every single quality of your dream man or woman.
Real people will always disappoint you if the only vision in your mind is one of fictional perfection.
You’d be surprised at how charming people can be, flaws and all.
Final Thoughts
No matter what you do, hold onto hope because life-changing moments are around every corner.
It may be painful to be single and unmarried, but you can certainly create a life of abundance, joy, meaning, and fulfillment while you wait to meet your future spouse.
And if you’ve spent too much time waiting, exit your comfort zone with a positive mindset and run the risk of meeting the love of your life, which is a risk we all should be willing to take.
I promise you that the advice in this article will have a net positive result in your life, one way or another.
I wish you love, peace, and comfort on your journey in this world.
If you’d like to work with me directly, I’d encourage you to check out my services page for information on my email consultation package. Also, check out my books on finding the woman of your dreams or getting your ex back before you leave.