I’m an old fashioned lover. When I think about love, I think of something special that should be fought for. But, what happens when you love an avoidant who keeps pushing you away? Do you fight for them, or are you better off walking away from an avoidant?
That is something most of us grapple with, and it most certainly is the reason why we find ourselves gutted when our hearts are broken.
I think we owe it to ourselves to fight for our love, but at the same time, we shouldn’t devalue the worth of the love we have to give by holding onto someone who doesn’t have a strong enough reason to fight against their own avoidant attachment style.
Love only persists in the presence of mutual effort and desire.
Like a dance, you must flow with each other and navigate your relationship towards a smooth and beautiful path.
When one of you stops dancing and pulls away, stepping on toes and injuring each other is unavoidable.
You deserve to be with someone who shows up to dance, even if they are terrible at it. That’s the difference between an avoidant who deserves your love and one who doesn’t.
There’s a misconception that everyone with an avoidant attachment style is destined for failed relationships. That’s not true. Throughout my twenties, I was an avoidant. But, by fighting against my own nature, I have been able to cultivate deep bonds with people.
I was able to overcome my aversion to commitment, albeit with lots of struggle and mistakes. But, I did it because the women I crossed paths with were worth the effort. They were worth the effort it took to fight against my own fears and insecurities.
As long as you are with someone who is actively trying to work through their attachment issues, you stand a good chance of building a healthy relationship with them.
It won’t be easy, and there’ll be some bad days, but it will only make you stronger as a couple.
But, if you’re dealing with an avoidant who is ruled by their fears and anxieties, it’s going to be incredibly difficult to cultivate a long-lasting relationship with them.
Whenever things are going well and it feels like you can take your relationship seriously, that’s when they will pull away.
It will always feel like you are taking one step forward and one step back.
Years can pass, and you’d be in the same place you were.
You need to read this article: Do avoidants care when you leave?
When To Walk Away From An Avoidant
There are three things to consider before walking away from an avoidant, and they are as follows:
- Have I tried my best to save this relationship?
- Does the avoidant care enough to keep trying?
- How do I feel about myself while being pushed away by the avoidant?
It is important for your own peace of mind to make a genuine effort to fight for your love.
Sometimes, that may include not fighting at all and remaining calm while the avoidant is emotional and overwhelmed.
It may require you to give them some space and the opportunity to find their way back to you.
As long as you remain consistent and committed to your morals and values as a person and as a partner, you will have nothing to regret if the time comes for you to walk away.
In the same breath, I would be remiss not to mention the importance of observing the avoidant.
It doesn’t make sense to dedicate months or years of your life to an avoidant who has given up. Being strung along will accomplish nothing other than waste your time.
It is dishonorable and disrespectful to remain with someone who is unwilling to make an effort in the relationship.
Lastly, pay attention to how you feel.
As much as you may feel deeply connected and attached to the avoidant, you may still be miserable, devastated, insecure, and unhappy.
Love should nurture a state of peace and growth.
When someone you love causes undue trauma, stress, and damage to you, it is unwise to remain closely connected to them, despite how committed you are.
In the event that this is the case, it would be loving and kind to yourself to walk away from an avoidant.
Nobody would blame you for doing so.
Be that as it may, it is also important for us to discuss what happens when you walk away from an avoidant.
You need to read this article: How long does it take for fearful avoidants to come back?
How The Avoidant Feels When You Leave
Walking away will trigger their fear of abandonment, which will either influence them to isolate or to chase after you.
That’s when most people feel surprised by the sudden change in behavior from the avoidant.
Be prepared for one of these two things to happen and make sure that your intentions are sincere.
You will not cultivate a healthy relationship by playing a game of cat and mouse with the avoidant.
Instead, you will fall deep into the fearful avoidant chase that leaves you and the other person drained and unfulfilled.
Don’t react to toxic behavior with toxic behavior.
It may feel appropriate but the effects will be detrimental to both of you.
Walk away from an avoidant if it is the only option at your disposal to feel mentally and emotionally healthy.
More importantly, walk away if it is the only respectful and dignified action left at your disposal during a conflict within your relationship.
Respect must exist for love to persist.
You need to read this article: What are avoidants attracted to?
Believe me when I tell you that I understand how confusing and upsetting it is to be forced to walk away from someone you love.
Unfortunately, most of the romantic relationships in our lives are destined to end.
What we must focus on is the future we want and the type of life partner we want to attract.
If it’s not the avoidant who has pushed you away, then it’s best for you to walk away, heal, and then move on.
With that being said, I hope this article painted a clear picture for you of what happens after walking away from an avoidant. If you would like my help, feel free to check out my services page for more information on my email consultation package.